Re: did your mother know she was mentally ill?

[Guest guest]

My nada would tell us kids every winter how she was entering her " severe

depression. " She did this primarily for attention during the Holidays. She did

not believe she was mentally ill, she has never found any fault in herself. She

would blame her " severe depression " on her children's behavior or her husband.

If you did not jump quick enough, you had to watch out for the " depression. "

She would tell us how her sister was mentally sick and how her mother was wacko,

but there was never any reflection onto her own behavior. It is quite funny

because grandnada was a lot calmer (mood regulation) that nada. If anyone even

suggested nada was mentally ill and needed treatment, she would tell us we were

the ones who were " crazy. " My nada never once admitted fault for all her

inappropriate, manipulative actions.

Do you think you mother's depression was a ploy for attention, too?

Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

your

familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was even proud

of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought she had

" depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am wondering if

this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

[Guest guest]

Not really, both the borderlines in my family (my mother and her

mother)think it is everyone else who has the problem! Actually, when

the family confronted my grandmother on her behavior there was a huge

blow-up and it hasn't been mentioned since. I have heard them both

mentioning depression but never a personality disorder. I'm sure if

they thought they could get something from it they would be more

accepting of it though; they throw the depression term around on each

other now and then when they feel like you're neglecting them ( " your

mother is really depressed right now, you need to be helping her more "

or " your grandmother is just depressed, that's why she's acting out,

for attention " ). Neither will use the term on themselves though,

classic projection I guess.

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mine didn't/doesn't say she's mentally ill but she routinely says

(mostly when 'busted' for something or another) that all of

her " issues " are caused from her " childhood " . Everyone is supposed to

accept that as justification for crappy behaviour of a woman in her

60's... every time... no matter what.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

So, then, by THAT logic *I* can act like a maniac because " MY "

childhood was less than stellar? I don't think so.

Lynnette

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

My mother's whole extended family was like something out of a

Tennessee play. The word " crazy " was bandied about quite a

bit, to describe various relatives. I think on some level she knows

she's crazy, but prefers to think of herself as the innocent victim

of a cruel world.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Girlscout Cowboy "

wrote:

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mental illness has always been a part of my life. Nada's mother is

diagnosed as being mentally ill. Nada is the only one of four

children that didn't move away from her parents and what a mistake

that has proven to be. Grandnada was committed at one point and I

think her diagnosis was Munchausen syndrome. I have spent a lifetime

watching a woman manipulate 2 generations with her supposed illnesses.

This has caused 2 generations of people in our family to be unable to

react normally to illness for fear of being like her. I think all of

us have pushed ourselves when we should have been resting. I once had

severe anemia after a miscarriage (didn't know it) and would even go

work out at the YMCA pale as a ghost for fear that I was just trying

to get attention like grandnada always did. I had a first cousin

whose appendix burst and she never complained. Even as young

children, we would beg nada to not tell grandnada when we were ill

because she would match our symptoms exactly. Interestingly enough,

grandnada now talks about her time in the mental hospital that she was

there to help others get better. Aack!

But back to nada.... She acknowledges huge depression problems and

has supposedly even attempted suicide before which somehow through

divine intervention didn't work (I'm not making fun, this is what I've

heard). Despite this, she has never sought any type of professional

help for her depression and denies that the psychological/psychiatry

part of medicine is even founded in science. She also blames her

parents and her childhood for her problems even though she is 57 years

old. Many in the family accept that as an excuse which just amazes

me. A friend once accused nada of having a personality disorder and

nada still boasts of how that was the last time she ever spoke to that

person.

le

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

No. My nada used to accuse me when I was a teenager of being crazy

and how shameful it would be if I didn't change immediately or else I

would have to go to a psychiatrist. I can't remember what I was

supposed to have done for her to say that to me. But I do remember

her telling me when I was pretty young that my half sister (on my

fada's side) had seen a psychiatrist (for what, I don't remember) and

how shameful that was. My nada regularly accused my fada's family of

being hillbilly's and crazy.

A few years ago my nada had to have surgery. I don't know exactly

what happened because my nada would NEVER include me or tell me

anything that is going on. I didn't even know she was having surgery

until it turned into a saga. She ended up in intensive care for a

couple of months. During that time, she let it slip out, that she was

seen by a psychiatrist daily and was made to take Prozac. She was

given it and was supposed to keep taking it after but of course

stopped once she got home. She tried to make it seem like they just

put her on the Prozac because it was a major surgery.

Ummmmm, I don't think so. I don't think a hospital just regularly

decides to put some one on psych meds just because they are having

surgery. My guess would be that she threatened suicide or acted

totally crazy to make the psychiatrist come visit her room daily when

she was in ICU. I wish I knew if she was diagnosed with anything or

what happened but I know that I never will. My nada never even

bothered to tell me that my fada had Cancer until after he had

surgery. Same thing with all of our family's emergencies, I am the

last to know. My nada didn't even tell me for a week that my little

sister had been killed but told everyone else including neighbors that

she hardly talked to.

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

WTF!!?1?!??!??! did i read that right? your mom didn't tell you that

your sister had died for a WEEK while she told other people?

WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTT?????????????????????????????????????

it takes a lot, but i'm officially shocked.

bink

> >

> > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed

in your

> > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> even proud

> > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

> she had

> > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> wondering if

> > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

One more thing -- My nada's excuse for all of this was that I was too

young. But my nada had no problem telling all of the neighbors and

their kids (my friends) and my cousins who weren't much older than me

at the time. My nada told all of the neighbors but then refused to

let any of them come to the funeral. I don't know what my nada's

excuse is for every other emergency/tragedy that has happened since

then and she only begrudingly told me about because I wasn't too young

then. Even last year (I was 33) when my sister went into labor she

didn't bother to call me. My sister had a c-section and called me

after to let me know. When I remember these things, it's makes me so

glad that I am NC with her anymore!!!

> > > >

> > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed

> > in your

> > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> > > even proud

> > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

> > > she had

> > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> > > wondering if

> > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Yea, my nada tells everyone who will listen that I have been 'mentally ill'

all of my life. Her paranoia...about counseling of any sort.

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[Guest guest]

WHAT THA?!

unbelievable. i've read insane stuff on this board, but this is just

unbelievable.

i am speachless.

bink

> > > > >

> > > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

discussed

> > > in your

> > > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and

she was

> > > > even proud

> > > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

thought

> > > > she had

> > > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I

am

> > > > wondering if

> > > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

" One time I remember nada driving me to a dancing performance. She was

having one of her usual fits/rages in the car on the way over. When we

arrived nada was telling the other mothers to " just shoot me " over and

over again. She pulled my hair while getting me ready to perform and

basically created a huge embarassing scene. Once again her mental

illness triumphs over everything else. Yet nobody talked to me about

it. I thought I was crazy and fundamenally defective for 25 years of

my life! "

boy, does this paragraph resonate with me! one time my middle sister

had a girl scout thing where everyone was supposed to bring food.

mom had just gotten divorced and we were living with HER mother,

which was complete crazy-making. anyway, she bought some french

bread and brie and cut the bread and arranged it and whatnot. she

went somewhere, i don't remember where. all i know is that no one

was paying attention to my middle sister and i. we each got some

bread and tried the cheese and it tasted really good, so we ate more

of it. every few minutes, we would go in for another slice and by

the time mom decided to pay attention to us, half the bread was

gone. we just didn't think about it, you know? i was 11 and the

middle sister was 8 and it was tasty, so we were eating it.

well, mom came in and she FLIPPED OUT! she threw the cutting board

on the ground and broke it in half. she SCREAMED and SCREAMED at

us. then we had to get in the car with her and drive to this girl

scout thing. i thought i was going to die. it was completely

terrifying. now she tells the story like it was funny. " remember

that time i broke the cutting board yelling at you guys? hehehe. "

so much drama and car-related rage. i just stopped doing extra

curricular activities until i was in high school because it was so

much trouble for her to take me anywhere. drive me to a friend's

house to work on a project? too much trouble, why can't they pick

you up (at whatever roach-infested shack we were holing up in at the

moment)? get me a book for school that i need? she's too tired

because all she ever does is work her ass off and nobody appreciates

it. go to the library to do research for a project? why don't you

ask your father?! he never does anything for you! find a ride to an

extra curricular activity myself? why are you staying out so late!

you need to watch your sisters! how else will i be able to see my

boyfriend?!

jesus h. christ.

when i finally talked to her about this stuff, it was insane (about 2

months ago). she pissed me off and i was like, stop, and she got all

hurt about it, but then she apologized because apparently that's what

she thought i wanted to hear. she said, " i love you so much and i'm

so proud of you. you are the best thing that i have ever made blah

blah blah. " i'm sure you can fill in the rest of the message.

anyway, i called her back and said, " well, you don't ACT like you're

proud of me. " she says, " well, then how am i SUPPOSED to act? "

wtf?

and then she starts in on what a " difficult child " i was. i asked

what was so difficult about me. she said, " you wouldn't let me do

what i wanted to do. " i said, like what? she said, " go out with

guys and -- "

i said, wait...you think i was a difficult child because between the

ages of 11 to 19, i didn't want to babysit YOUR children so you could

date? i practically raised my baby sister. good god. why was i

left alone with children when i was 11 ANYWAY?! i had to take care

of an 8 yr old and a 3 yr old toddler! so much bad stuff could have

happened! it makes me anxious just THINKING about it!

and for the record, whenever i did ask dad for help with school, not

only did he comply, he was actually interested in it.

so weird.

bink

> >

> > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed

in

> your

> > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> even proud

> > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

thought

> she had

> > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> wondering if

> > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

---

Dame,

This is so horrible. It makes you wonder - what were her motives?

Was she just mean? What do you think are the lasting effects for you

of this? This is something my nada would do - she's that kind of

crazy. She loves secrets, and they're hard to keep up with..don't

tell so and so you got divorced, b/c she doesn't believe in divorce,

etc. Secrets about everything from the trivial to the important.

NOT to make excuses for her, but in my nada's case, she REALLY can't

handle death or even sadness, and is much more comfortable with

anger. This is why I dreaded my father's death/dying, b/c I knew she

wouldn't be able to handle it and would get crazy, but I didn't know

what that scenario would look like. Sure enough, she instigated a

huge family feud at the hospice house and funeral, so that she'd have

something and someone to be mad at, rather than face the sadness

about the death. SICK, and hard to explain to other people, who

wonder why you're not sitting with your mother at your father's

funeral...I'm sure that she would have preferred to have called me

days after his death to casually tell me that I had finally managed

to kill him. THANK GOD she didn't get the chance.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is so cruel. It must have

been so confusing and scary as a child.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " damemagnifique00 "

wrote:

>

> Yes you read that right. I was in 2nd grade. My nada and fada were

> not home when I got home from school. But I knew something was

really

> wrong because I had been pulled from class by police officers and

sent

> to the nurse's office to be checked for bruises and asked if my

> parents beat me. When I got home, I had no idea where they were

> (later found out they were at the hospital). A neighbor came and

got

> me from my house and made me dinner. In the middle of the night my

> aunt came and got me and took me to her house. I was there a week.

> My nada would call every day and talk with my aunt and my cousins

(who

> were young teens) everyone EXCEPT me. Everyone would hush up when I

> came into the room because nada made them swear not to tell me.

Then

> after a week, I went home and my entire family was there all looking

> pitiful at me because they knew I was going to be told. My parents

> told me that my sister died and was in heaven. I freaked out

bawling

> and took off running out of the house. My parents never even came

> after me. They never even talked to me about any of it. I wasn't

> allowed to go to the funeral either.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

discussed

> > in your

> > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she

was

> > > even proud

> > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

thought

> > > she had

> > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> > > wondering if

> > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I personally think that my nada's motives were to keep the attention

on herself. My nada always was jealous of me for some reason. It's

the weirdest thing, because you would think a mother wouldn't be that

way with their own daughter, but mine was. She would pick me apart

like a jealous teen does to someone they don't really even know (if

that makes sense). My nada knew that since I was the youngest of my

entire family, I would get lots of sympathy and I guess my nada

couldn't handle that. Everything was all about her, not me, not my

fada, just her. Neither my nada or fada ever spoke to me about grief

or what happened. I remember feeling like I didn't matter, that I was

insignificant, not even allowed to express myself or know what was

going on.

My nada also has issues with death. She didn't even show up to her

best friend's funeral (they were friends for 30+ years). She told me

once that she only went to my sister's funeral because she had to

since she was the mother. Until I heard about BPD I always thought my

nada was just a mean person, now Im not so sure.

For a long time, I had major issues with people if I felt like they

weren't telling me something. I always had to be the first to know

something. That got me in a lot of trouble growing up. I also have

not had kids (im 34) and I think it's because of my sister's death. I

remember when my other sister's were born, I made a point to not get

too close to them when they were young because I didn't know if they

would be taken away too. I'm sure there are more issues that I

haven't even realized yet but that's all I can think of that relates

to this.

> > > > >

> > > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

> discussed

> > > in your

> > > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she

> was

> > > > even proud

> > > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

> thought

> > > > she had

> > > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> > > > wondering if

> > > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

I found out long after the fact that my nada had been diagnosed with

BPD over 30 years ago! Sister told me that nada wanted dad and

herself to go in for marriage counseling and the therapist told nada

at the conclusion of the first session that he believed she had BPD!

Sister said that nada spent the rest of the afternoon ranting about

how stupid and incompetent the therapist was!

So, my family always lived in denial that nada was anything more than

" high strung " (nervous and perfectionistic) and had a " hair-trigger

temper. " (explosive, unpredictable rages directed almost exclusively at

dad and us kids.)

However, now, in her 70's, nada is seeing a therapist again as a

condition for the possibility of re-establishing a relationship with

Sister and me.

I am both astonished and impressed that nada is apparently going to

continue. I would have bet that she would have quit after a couple of

sessions, but she's been to about 5 now. However, we have heard that

nada said she is going only because she wants us to be together as a

family again; so far nada denies committing any physical or emotional

abuse against us and is bewildered by our shutting her out of our

lives. Sister and I are the villians, at this point.

(Nada " doesn't remember " recently screaming in anger that she was

going to take Sister out of her will, would not attend her

grandchild's wedding, and that Sister and Grandchild only came over to

visit nada when they wanted money or things from nada. (So not true as

to be ludicrous.) Nada is used to saying any hateful, vicious, untrue

thing that pops into her little gray head without any consequences.

Nobody has had the balls to stand up to her and give her consequences

for her actions before. Now that a consequence *has* occurred, nada

is bewildered. Ha!)

-Annie

> >

> > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

> your

> > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> even proud

> > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

> she had

> > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> wondering if

> > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Lynnette - my mother says the EXACT same thing... When I confront

her with an abusive behavior that she cannot deny, she says her

behavior is justified because it was/is a " reaction " to all

the " abuse " she went through in her marriage and so I should be even

more loving to her and basically continue to be abused by her.

I one time said to her that by that reasoning, that means I should be

justified to not be nice to her because of her abuse. She started

screaming and said it wasn't the same and that I was horrible for not

supporting her.

She is right that she needs love. We ALL need love. But manipulation

and abuse isn't any way to try and force/receive love from people.

It's sick and twisted and I am at my wits end on how to show her

love, because she doesn't want or know how to receive REAL love in a

healthy way.

> >

> > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed

in

> your

> > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> even proud

> > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

thought

> she had

> > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> wondering if

> > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Yep!

Any love going out to her is NEVER enough... it just works her into a

tizzy for why she's not getting ENOUGH and WHAT ELSE can I (anyone)

do FOR her... and if she does 1 or 2 nice things... that's supposed

to make up for all the NOT nice things she's done for my 40 years???

I don't think so.

Example: Last week I spent an entire work day (I work from home so

she thinks I'm totally free) and went clothes shopping for her (long

back-story). The next day, she wanted me to come over and 'play

clothes' and got made because I couldn't/wouldn't. She's been 'at

it' since then. Now she wants to take it all back and it's MY fault

somehow... I simply said, " I spent an entire day doing this with you,

I can't take another day off to do this again. You're going to have

to make the final decision yourself. " I swear, it's like talking to

a dumb 8 year old sometimes. Her reaction? Go fetal and cry.

Egads!

Lynnette

> > >

> > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

discussed

> in

> > your

> > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she

was

> > even proud

> > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

> thought

> > she had

> > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> > wondering if

> > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi, this is such a great thread...when I was little my nada would

say that she suffered from " mood swings " . Which I knew very early

on was supposed to be enough of an excuse that her outrageous

behavior was not her fault, but a diagnosis far enough away from any

mental disorder that she could claim that all of her outrageous

behavior was completely rational.

I found out when I was about 18 and away at college that she was on

prozac and had been for years. But as one of the other posters

noted this just meant that she took whatever dose she felt like,

when she felt like it. I think that she still does the same thing

today, throwing such a scene at the doctor's office that he gives

her a prescription even though clearly it hasn't worked in the last

15 years.

And yes, she also spent most of my life accusing me of being

depressed and unstable, telling me that I had a genetic

predisposition to be clinically depressed and pushing me to take

antidepressants. She also shared the antipathy for any kind of talk

therapy. She was actually successful in convincing my siblings that

they were depressed and medicating them heavily...how sick is it

that someone could be so proud of rearing kids and refusing to let

them grow up??

Sara

> > > >

> > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

> discussed

> > in

> > > your

> > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and

she

> was

> > > even proud

> > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

> > thought

> > > she had

> > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I

am

> > > wondering if

> > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

HAHAHAHA!

" She " didn't suffer from mood swings... " WE " suffered from mood

swings... there's always that poor me thing from the BPD " victim "

isn't there...

Really, what I catch myself wanting to say lately is, " GROW THE %@#$%

$ UP " . I'm almost there...

Lynnette

> > > > >

> > > > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly

> > discussed

> > > in

> > > > your

> > > > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and

> she

> > was

> > > > even proud

> > > > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

> > > thought

> > > > she had

> > > > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I

> am

> > > > wondering if

> > > > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

No way!! EVERYONE else is sick. Not her. Someone mentioned that

their nada doesn't believe in Psychology/Psychiatry...same for my

stepmonster. Stepnada always had " PMS. " There was some ridiculous

fight I can't remember, and my dad came to me and begged me to " just

apologize to her, she's having PMS. " Same speech, different fight. I

got pissed and asked my dad why she had PMS 24 hours a day, 7 days a

week, 365 days a year?! He didn't have an answer.

I know now that it was all tied up in her not having a child by him.

She told me before I went NC that she still cries everytime she gets

her period because she still hopes to get pregnant. She's 53. My

husband and I haven't been able to conceive yet (its been 4 years -

but nothing is physically wrong with us - just hasn't happened) so

she was constantly trying to recruit me onto her " infertility pity

party team. " No thank you. Oh, and she KNEW my father had had a

vasectomy before she married him. She made him reverse it. She

claims my mother made him get one so she couldn't have kids. My

father had the procedure four years before they even met!!! She used

to sob and cry all the time over not being able to have children.

Her first husband was sterile. All she ever wanted was kids. Then

why did she marry a man who couldn't give them to her??????? She's

not infertile. SHE unlike many people struggling with infertility,

made the CHOICE to be infertile. If I ever said that to her, she'd

probably kill me. She forced my sister and I to call her mom and

would tell people we were her children. If we referred to her as

anything other than mom, we would get raged at and accused of not

being sensitive to the fact that she would never be pregnant or have

kids. If that's not mentally ill, than I don't know what is!!

>

> Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed in

your

> familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

even proud

> of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she thought

she had

> " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

wondering if

> this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeti used the PMS thing for *YEARS* after ... her hysterectomy...

I've said for years she's not mentally ill, she's just mental.

On Mon, 2008-10-06 at 03:37 +0000, allcatsaregrey79 wrote:

> Stepnada always had " PMS. "

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

> > Stepnada always had " PMS. "

>

LOL...that was hilarious! I have a remotely similar situation...at

one point as my Nada was going into Menopause and she was randomly

missing periods here and there. She speculated out loud to me one

day that maybe it was because she was exercising so much. Huh?

O.k. a long distance runner will not get a period because their body

fat gets to a really extremely low level and they are running MILES

every day. At this point in time, Nada easily needed to lose 25

pounds. But sure...it was the " exercise " that was making her miss

her period. Good one.

As of yet, Nada has never admitted that there is any problem with

her...ever! In fact, when I was going through my divorce and seeing

a counselor because among other things, Nada was tormenting me to

know end about my choice to divorce, I suggested that maybe she would

benefit from counselling since everything seemed to bother her so

mcuh. Her response, " I don't need to see a counselor. I'M NOT

CRAZY! " Whatever get's you through the day! I have an Uncle,

though, who upon hearing about my Nana's antics from this past

Christmas said, " I could have told you that broad was crazy forty

years ago. "

[Guest guest]

Hi p_bear16,

I feel the same way. We didn't deserve to be punished for their

mental issues/childhood issues/disappointments, etc. And the PMS

thing is BS if you ask me. It did make her worse, but mostly it was

just an excuse to rationalize her behavior. I did tell my dad that

exact thing a few years ago, during one of the last big fights she

had with me, but he said nothing in response. Just hung his head and

sighed. I think he knows that she is sick. I've caught him looking

at her as if she is the most repulsive creature in the world, and

caught him making comments under his breath. But when she catches

him frowning or not agreeing she calls him on it and he just acts all

innocent. " Nothing's wrong honey, just have a headache. " That kind

of thing. I think he's just as scared of her as we were. Now he's

completely alone with her and I wonder how long he can take it. When

we were around, her anger/rages/mental abuse was diffused. He never

stood up for us, even when he agreed that it was completely

irrational and wrong. It was always better to placate the monster.

I hope you do get to tell her how you feel someday - I think we all

deserve to have a voice. I never had the courage to do it - or at

least, not yet. For now (and hopefully forever) I am NC. I just

walked away.

>

> My nada has never thought anything was wrong with her, it was all

> everyone else's fault (dad, kids) that she was angry etc.

According

> to dad, nada had 'PMS'. I don't think PMS causes someone to throw

> plates across the kitchen or beat there 2yo daughter with a piece

of

> wood. Nada did actually seem to worse at times so maybe PMS was a

> factor, but it sure wasn't the only thing. Recently dad said he

> suspects she has 'depression'. However, she doesn't believe in

> taking medication. (She rarely would even take aspirin for a

> headache.) And she would never raise the issue to a doctor. And

> she doesn't believe in therapy. I mentioned I was going, and she

> said that more than 8 sessions is a waste of time and money. I

> don't know where she comes up with these things. Maybe in her

> distant past (before her kids were born) she went to therapy for 8

> sessions and found it didn't help. She's never considered going as

> long as I've known her. I think to her, going to therapy would be

> admitting that she's defective, and of course there is nothing

wrong

> with her (according to her). In our family too, no-one (eg dad)

had

> the balls to be honest to her, and call her on her behaviour. It's

> all just been ignore. It makes me feel so angry. It was her

> responsibility to get help, and not take out her issues on her

> children! That was totally unfair, and she should apologise and

get

> help. One of these days I'm going to tell her that.

>

[Guest guest]

Bink, it's great to hear you talk about your nada - usually you are so

stoic. get it out, girl, get it all out.

On Fri, Oct 3, 2008 at 4:07 PM, bink1227 wrote:

> " One time I remember nada driving me to a dancing performance. She was

> having one of her usual fits/rages in the car on the way over. When we

> arrived nada was telling the other mothers to " just shoot me " over and

> over again. She pulled my hair while getting me ready to perform and

> basically created a huge embarassing scene. Once again her mental

> illness triumphs over everything else. Yet nobody talked to me about

> it. I thought I was crazy and fundamenally defective for 25 years of

> my life! "

>

> boy, does this paragraph resonate with me! one time my middle sister

> had a girl scout thing where everyone was supposed to bring food.

> mom had just gotten divorced and we were living with HER mother,

> which was complete crazy-making. anyway, she bought some french

> bread and brie and cut the bread and arranged it and whatnot. she

> went somewhere, i don't remember where. all i know is that no one

> was paying attention to my middle sister and i. we each got some

> bread and tried the cheese and it tasted really good, so we ate more

> of it. every few minutes, we would go in for another slice and by

> the time mom decided to pay attention to us, half the bread was

> gone. we just didn't think about it, you know? i was 11 and the

> middle sister was 8 and it was tasty, so we were eating it.

>

> well, mom came in and she FLIPPED OUT! she threw the cutting board

> on the ground and broke it in half. she SCREAMED and SCREAMED at

> us. then we had to get in the car with her and drive to this girl

> scout thing. i thought i was going to die. it was completely

> terrifying. now she tells the story like it was funny. " remember

> that time i broke the cutting board yelling at you guys? hehehe. "

>

> so much drama and car-related rage. i just stopped doing extra

> curricular activities until i was in high school because it was so

> much trouble for her to take me anywhere. drive me to a friend's

> house to work on a project? too much trouble, why can't they pick

> you up (at whatever roach-infested shack we were holing up in at the

> moment)? get me a book for school that i need? she's too tired

> because all she ever does is work her ass off and nobody appreciates

> it. go to the library to do research for a project? why don't you

> ask your father?! he never does anything for you! find a ride to an

> extra curricular activity myself? why are you staying out so late!

> you need to watch your sisters! how else will i be able to see my

> boyfriend?!

>

> jesus h. christ.

>

> when i finally talked to her about this stuff, it was insane (about 2

> months ago). she pissed me off and i was like, stop, and she got all

> hurt about it, but then she apologized because apparently that's what

> she thought i wanted to hear. she said, " i love you so much and i'm

> so proud of you. you are the best thing that i have ever made blah

> blah blah. " i'm sure you can fill in the rest of the message.

> anyway, i called her back and said, " well, you don't ACT like you're

> proud of me. " she says, " well, then how am i SUPPOSED to act? "

>

> wtf?

>

> and then she starts in on what a " difficult child " i was. i asked

> what was so difficult about me. she said, " you wouldn't let me do

> what i wanted to do. " i said, like what? she said, " go out with

> guys and -- "

>

> i said, wait...you think i was a difficult child because between the

> ages of 11 to 19, i didn't want to babysit YOUR children so you could

> date? i practically raised my baby sister. good god. why was i

> left alone with children when i was 11 ANYWAY?! i had to take care

> of an 8 yr old and a 3 yr old toddler! so much bad stuff could have

> happened! it makes me anxious just THINKING about it!

>

> and for the record, whenever i did ask dad for help with school, not

> only did he comply, he was actually interested in it.

>

> so weird.

> bink

>

>

> > >

> > > Hello Gang, I'm wondering if mental illness was openly discussed

> in

> > your

> > > familys. In mine, my mother knew she was mentally ill and she was

> > even proud

> > > of it. It was part of every day conversation. However, she

> thought

> > she had

> > > " depression " but she actually has personality disorders. I am

> > wondering if

> > > this is common or not. Hugs, girlscout

> > >

> > >

> > >