Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Nada didn't really " ruin " these words, but she just always used the incorrect or totally wrong word. " Their house is built on a CLIFT by the water. " (Instead of CLIFF.) " Their son had to take special classes because he was partially DEATH. " (Huh? They have classes for the partially-dead? She meant DEAF. She always used the wrong word...ie... " Isn't it amazing how the DEATH people can learn to read lips? " However, when she would say (on a regular basis) " Death can come at any moment. " She did not mean deafness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I'm sitting at home, and watching TV. " Mommie Dearest " is on and I'm watching it. In the beginning, there is a scene where she is scolding one of her house maids, who didn't clean something right. Mommie Dearest said " if you can't do something right, don't do it at all!!! " . My eyes widened. My mother used to say that to me EVERYDAY. Either I didn't vacuum the right way, or didn't do the dishes right, cleaning was a big deal at our home and I did quite a bit of it. But I always messed up somehow. And every day I heard that phrase. ~Sara Jo > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted thread. Are there > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by saying it > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My big one is > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a way > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable person on > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 nada's response to that one for me was usually : " Oh that's right, I forgot you know it all. My opinion means nothing to you. " Grrr is right. > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted thread. > Are there > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > saying it > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My big one is > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh-which " in > a way > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable person on > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 " If you can't do something right... " yup, I got that one too. Kind of begs the question... " Well, why did you have me and become a mother because if you can't do something right... " I remember seeing that movie as a kid and thinking the only abuse was the beating. The rest of it seemed so normal to me. Nada even said once, which she denies now, " I never wanted you to see that movie or read that book because I used some of the same disciplinary techniques and I didn't want you thinking you were abused. " Uh, yeah...the reason those " techniques " are even *in* the movie/book is because they *are* abuse! Ninera > > Subject: Re: words nada ruined > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Sunday, October 19, 2008, 4:23 PM > I'm sitting at home, and watching TV. " Mommie > Dearest " is on and I'm > watching it. In the beginning, there is a scene where she > is scolding > one of her house maids, who didn't clean something > right. Mommie > Dearest said " if you can't do something right, > don't do it at all!!! " . > > My eyes widened. My mother used to say that to me EVERYDAY. > Either I > didn't vacuum the right way, or didn't do the > dishes right, cleaning > was a big deal at our home and I did quite a bit of it. But > I always > messed up somehow. And every day I heard that phrase. > > ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light > hearted thread. > Are there > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? > Either by > saying it > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so > dramatic. My big one > is > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I > want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a > way > > that let you know she thought she was just the most > adorable person on > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Oh, I can just hear my mother saying that...... My mother has a thing for pointing out that she's older, therefore it follows that she's wiser. Like she's done so much living in the world (NOT!). When she was trapped in an argument with her brother once, I remember her only defense was " You're so YOUNG....you're so young " , while shaking her head. How demeaning is THAT! What is that supposed to mean? She says it slowly, like it's just dripping with hidden meaning. She would smirk at me, too, when I was young and ventured an opinion -- her all-knowing smirk would seem to say " Look at Kyla -- she thinks she knows something....ha ha " (It's no wonder that she was jealous when I went to college and graduated and worked good jobs and traveled. She never did any of those things.) In her world, the right to an opinion is reserved for the oldest person in the room! She STILL says to this day " I'm 65 years old and I've seen a lot more than you. " Never mind that she's hardly done anything in her life -- she's a hermit. The rest of us have gone out, graduated from college, worked good jobs or run our own businesses (my brother), traveled the world, etc. None of that matters because she's 65! " I'm 65!!! I WIN!!! " -kyla > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted thread. > Are there > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > saying it > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My big one > is > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a > way > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable person on > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Yes, Kyla. My NADA takes a lot of pride in being older than her kids too. but she wouldn't say it like that. With her, it was a status thing. One of her FAVORITE phrases was " IM THE MOTHER AND YOURE THE DAUGHTER! " She would pull that one out during a disagreement. Sometimes when she said that I would just think to myself, " that's right mom, I am the daughter. Isn't there something wrong with this picture? Aren't I supposed to be precious to you? " It was like having the title of mom meant nothing but ultimate authority and entitlement. I remember before I went NC, she was angry at my little sister about something, and was crying and upset because my sister wouldn't call or anything. She would say how worried she is about her and stuff. I said to mom, " if you are worried, why don't you just give her a call and see how she is doing? " and mom just said " no,I can't, im the mother, she's the daughter! " and the way she said it combined with the look on her face while she said that, made it seem like it was a rule that she coulnd't break, like some law....almost like she wanted to call but it would be breaking the law to do it. She COULD have called my sister if she was that concerned. Just like with me. NADA keeps telling susie how much she misses me, blah blah blah, but not once has my mother tried to contact me. NOT ONCE. What kind of parent does she think she is if she is too high status and too good to make a call to her own daughter? Her own flesh and blood? I've tried communicating with her several times over the past month. It was never good enough. Im sorry, I meant for this to be a short post, and for some reason it turned into a rant. ~Sara Jo > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted > thread. > > Are there > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > > saying it > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My > big one > > is > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- which " > in a > > way > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable > person on > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I hear you and identify with everything you wrote, Sara Jo. The Nadas are so disgusting!!! And yes, we SHOULD be precious to them. It's so gross that we're not. My nada also has never made ONE move to contact me, her only -- or my son, her only grandchild! I've written earlier that I think she really enjoys not having to bother.... Uh.... so disgusting! S Re: words nada ruined To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Yes, Kyla. My NADA takes a lot of pride in being older than her > kids > too. but she wouldn't say it like that. With her, it was a > status > thing. One of her FAVORITE phrases was " IM THE MOTHER AND YOURE > THE > DAUGHTER! " She would pull that one out during a disagreement. > Sometimes when she said that I would just think to myself, > " that's > right mom, I am the daughter. Isn't there something wrong with > this > picture? Aren't I supposed to be precious to you? " It was like > having > the title of mom meant nothing but ultimate authority and > entitlement. I remember before I went NC, she was angry at my > little > sister about something, and was crying and upset because my > sister > wouldn't call or anything. She would say how worried she is > about her > and stuff. I said to mom, " if you are worried, why don't you > just > give her a call and see how she is doing? " and mom just said > " no,I > can't, im the mother, she's the daughter! " and the way she said > it > combined with the look on her face while she said that, made it > seem > like it was a rule that she coulnd't break, like some > law....almost > like she wanted to call but it would be breaking the law to do > it. > She COULD have called my sister if she was that concerned. > > Just like with me. NADA keeps telling susie how much she misses > me, > blah blah blah, but not once has my mother tried to contact me. > NOT > ONCE. > What kind of parent does she think she is if she is too high > status > and too good to make a call to her own daughter? Her own flesh > and > blood? I've tried communicating with her several times over the > past > month. It was never good enough. > > Im sorry, I meant for this to be a short post, and for some > reason it > turned into a rant. > > ~Sara Jo > > > > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted > > thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? > Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. > My > > big one > > > is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- > which " > > in a > > > way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most > adorable > > person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 You are absolutely right: she can pick up the phone, too. All those protestations of missing you, etc. etc. are just manipulations. My parents play that game, too -- after all, how could they be the poor pitiful victims if they acknowledge that they could pick up the phone, too? It messes up the picture of victimhood. I remember when I first made the break with my parents -- it started with some e-mails that were meant to find fault with me and make me feel guilty for not calling them (even though I'd invited them for two different events, and they said " no " ). He wrote " We were worried since we had not heard from you. " So, instead of immediately apologizing and falling all over myself in guilt, I shot right back: " Well, if both of you were worried, I wonder why neither of you picked up the phone? It is almost laughable that the man who's so " worried " about me, and who calls my brother 4 or 5 times a day, is strangely unable to dial my number. That one question from me shut him right up. He blubbered some quick e-mail reply saying he was really busy and had to go. For once, I turned the spotlight back on THEM, instead of years of THEM chastising and trying to induce guilt in ME. My e-mail reminded him that he and mom have responsibility for maintaining the relationship, too. They don't want to hear that. You get more sympathy when you're boo- hooing to everybody that your daughter never calls anymore. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted > > thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My > > big one > > > is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- > which " > > in a > > > way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable > > person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Heehee! This reminds me of being at work - the (I suspect based on how she speaks to her daughter) BPD woman that I have the displeasure of working with is constantly mixing up words. " Documentated " as in, " I documentated that yesterday. " She also says " Clift. " Weird! " Trinkle Down Effect. " " " as in " I am jonesing for some ice cream, excetp she thinks " to " means to tease. As in, " I jonesed her good!! " " Show " instead of movie, " Movie House " instead of Movie Theater. " Attempt " of court instead of " Contempt " of court. There are so many more, but I can't think of them! > > Nada didn't really " ruin " these words, but she just always used the > incorrect or totally wrong word. > > " Their house is built on a CLIFT by the water. " (Instead of CLIFF.) > > " Their son had to take special classes because he was partially > DEATH. " (Huh? They have classes for the partially-dead? She meant > DEAF. She always used the wrong word...ie... " Isn't it amazing how the > DEATH people can learn to read lips? " > > However, when she would say (on a regular basis) " Death can come at any > moment. " She did not mean deafness. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Wow! I heard that A LOT!! Also, " Why do you always argue with me? " There was no disagreeing with her. > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted thread. > > Are there > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > > saying it > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My big > one is > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- which " > in > > a way > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable > person on > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Wow! My stepnada used to talk about what a terrible movie it was - how " that ungrateful little sh*t " maligned her mother and how it was a big lie. When I saw it, I cried. I couldn't believe how similarly my sister and I were treated. My stepnada used to refer to herself as " Mommie Dearest. " > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light > > hearted thread. > > Are there > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? > > Either by > > saying it > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so > > dramatic. My big one > > is > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I > > want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a > > way > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most > > adorable person on > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 My mother likes to spout how other people ill-treat their mothers -- and the hidden, universal message is " You should NEVER mistreat your MOTHER!!! " > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light > > > hearted thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? > > > Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so > > > dramatic. My big one > > > is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I > > > want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a > > > way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most > > > adorable person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 My stepnada could ruin any word. She loved BABY TALK. She loved to call my father " Daddy " like a four year old would say it. " Oh Daddy, where's my meeeelk (milk)? I wanted meeeeelk! " " Daddy I don't feel gwood/I haf a feeeever (she was sick EVERY DAY). Shhhhheeeeooooozzzzze (shoes). FAAAAAAbulous (she worships the world of Sex In The City. Says she wishes she was . PheNOOOOMinal. Wuss - as in " you are such a wuss! " " You're too sensitive. " " You're so NEGATIVE. " Gag, gag, gag. > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted thread. Are there > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by saying it > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My big one is > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a way > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable person on > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 " Was I there???? When I describe any truamatic event from my childhood, ie dad's physical abuse, medical illnesses, etc. ole nada will detach and ask where in the world she was. Most of the time, I reply, " You were there... " and she gives me a blank look. She has selective memory loss. Amazing how she forgets and refuses to discuss any further. She quickly changes the subject-back to her-of course. I struggle with the concept of how a " mother " could simply block out her daughter being harmed. No sign of guilt or remorse. What would make a person so cold-hearted? I want to ask her what happened in her childhood to make her so angry. I have tried to ask but she goes into a defensive mode, like I have offended her for asking. > > > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted > thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My > big > > one is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- > which " > > in > > > a way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable > > person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Your nada's meeeeelk reminds me of mu nada's melk. Short e. Why?!?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 My husband calls it " the age card " . She always defends herself by saying " when you are MY age.... " . I've heard it so much that now I say, " I don't want to make it to YOUR age.... " . Gives me satisfaction to see the astounded look on her face. It's also a good reply when she starts touting what a fine Christian she is. I reply back, " well, if that's a fine Christian.....then, I don't want to be one " Point is taken. Of course it doesn't endear the moment, but nothing is lost either. I just shake my head that our relationship is filled with so much resentment. She has always been jealous of me. She didn't even want my dad to speak to me. How do you ever get over it? I'm trying to forgive her-for my sake. > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit of a light hearted > > thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you forever? Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was just so dramatic. My > > big one > > > is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say " I want a chicken sahhhh- > which " > > in a > > > way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just the most adorable > > person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I still haven't figured it out! Is is supposed to be cute? Ugh! > > Your nada's meeeeelk reminds me of mu nada's melk. Short e. Why?!?!?!?! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hm. All these baby-talking nadas reinforce my theory that bpds simply stopped developing emotionally at a very young age. The temper-tantrums, the baby-talking, the narcissism and lack of empathy sound just like a two-year-old's emotional level to me. But in an actual two-year-old its cute. Try giving a tiny, weanling puppy or kitten to a two-year-old and see how long the poor little animal lasts undamaged. We were raised by two-year-olds, and we're the ones that lived. -Annie > > > > Your nada's meeeeelk reminds me of mu nada's melk. Short e. > Why?!?!?!?! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Yeah, nada didn't seem to think it was all that bad, that it was a lot of " histrionics " and that if the daughter had understood situations better than she wouldn't have felt so angry. Which is a common argument from nada whenever my feelings come into play. " Feelings are based on perception, and you just don't seem to grasp reality all that well. If you truly understood the situation, you wouldn't feel that way. " And really, how do you respond to that? She just keeps coming back with " Your perception is wrong. " @@ > > Subject: Re: words nada ruined > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 1:16 AM > Wow! My stepnada used to talk about what a terrible movie > it was - > how " that ungrateful little sh*t " maligned her > mother and how it was > a big lie. When I saw it, I cried. I couldn't believe > how similarly > my sister and I were treated. My stepnada used to refer to > herself > as " Mommie Dearest. " > > > > > > > > > > Hi Guys, I'm hoping this will be a bit > of a light > > > hearted thread. > > > Are there > > > > any words that your nada/fada ruined for you > forever? > > > Either by > > > saying it > > > > too often or saying it in a way that was > just so > > > dramatic. My big one > > > is > > > > " sahwich. " My mother used to say > " I > > > want a chicken sahhhh-which " in a > > > way > > > > that let you know she thought she was just > the most > > > adorable person on > > > > earth. I'm sure I will think of others. > > > > girlscout > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for > help at > > > @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO > > > NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on > > > Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () > for your > > > copy. We also refer to “Understanding the > Borderline > > > Mother� (Lawson) and “Surviving the > Borderline > > > Parent,� (Roth) which you can find at any > bookstore. > > > Welcome to the WTO community! > > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online > Community > > > and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo! > Groups Links > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I agree with the theory that they stopped developing emotionally. One of the ways I commonly describe my nada is that she has the maturity of a three-year-old with the hormones of a teenager. When my sister was about 13 a long-time friend who knew all of us told me that I should adjust to the fact that I had two children, one of whom was much more mature than the other. She meant my sister when she said one was more mature. She was right. My sister was already acting more mature at 13 than our nada ever has. At 12:49 AM 10/21/2008 anuria67854 wrote: >Hm. All these baby-talking nadas reinforce my theory that bpds >simply >stopped developing emotionally at a very young age. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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