thanks

[Guest guest]

Welcome

Must have missed your previous e-mail

Thanks

Just want to say thank you for the wellcome. Sincerely Bower.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the wellcome. I appreciate that. Sincerely Bower.

Thanks

>

> Just want to say thank you for the wellcome. Sincerely Bower.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks again for the support.  My Mom is still able to do the house with my

help.  I don't think I could put her in the nursing home unless she had totally

lost her mind and didn't know what she is doing.  I am reading the book

" Surviving your bpd parent. "   It is helping me face some of my feelings and some

idea of what to do and supports things I have been doing.  Thanks again. 

Wornout

Subject: Re: mom

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 5:14 AM

HI Beth!

Good for you to finally get your stuff out there! I know after my

first post i felt like I had betrayed my nada, but when I reread it,

and recognized the lunacy I knew that it was OK to want some peace in

my life. My nada is in her 80 's too and the rages are escalating

because(I think) she senses a loss of control and therefore is

abusive towards me and very distrustful because I have assumed the

control position. Believe me...I don't want control. I'd rather have

nc, but I'm the only child and person that she knows in the area.

Anyways I'm not answering phone calls these days and I'm visiting less

(she's in a home)to try and save my sanity. I guess you don't have

that luxury with your sick father. I feel bad for you. I guess that

your father is the silent bystander. I don't want to sound cruel, but

why doesn't he speak up and defend you? If this is a longstanding

pattern with him you have to consider whether these people deserve

your life.

Do you have any brothers or sisters? Could you hire someone to help?

In Canada a lot of these visits to help in the home are free or

subsidized. We also have supportive housing where personal care

workers check in on tennants regularly. They are usually run by

charitable organzations like the Rotary Club. My mom was in one for

a year, until she showed her true BPD/dementia colours to the outside

world. Unfortunately she refused most of the help offered, but at

least I knew someone was checking on her daily.

I found it better to live further away from nada, and if I had to do

it all over again, I probably would have left her in the other town

where she was living to go crazy and into a nursing home. But, at

the time, I didn't know about the BPD and I felt that I should be the

dutiful daughter and now I never hear the end of how I've ruined her

life.

If you arrange for help for your parents could you give yourself a

break? Just rambling on.... There must be a solution so you don't

sign your posts " Worndown " .

> >

> > I am 60 years old and mom is in her 80s. She has major

outbursts. 

> If I talk back she escalates and calls me names.  I try to calm her

> down but she just gets madder.  She says she is all alone and has

no

> familly.   She has made me feel bad all of my life.  If I have a

> friend and bake a cake for my friend my Mom will ask me why I

didn't

> bake one for her.  Once we were having a birthday party for my Dad

> and we had to make two cakes one for Mom and one for Dad as she

> would have thriown a fit.  I gave a birthday party for her and she

> came then let after opening her presents didn't say good bye to the

> guests and never came back.  She told my sister that she felt like

> an outsider.  I feel I have come a long way in dealing with her.  I

> moved to be near her as my father became very sick and everything

> looked bad in the house.  My husband is very supportive and keeps

> telling my I am a good person.  I reallly get a lot out of reading

> the posts on this

> > web site.  Thank you

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >