Guest guest Posted September 29, 2008 Report Share Posted September 29, 2008 Hi Girlscout, I'm glad to hear from you. I could relate to this: > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " To me literally, it could be the time I was 14 that my mum grabbed my arm HARD (she's a solidly built person) and it hurt. She rarely hit me but that time I think she punched me on the arm once hard and I punched her back on her arm, and that was the last time she ever hit me. I personnally really struggle with self-criticism and feeling I am crap, no self worth. (Probably because nada would say " what good are you? " as a light, off the cuff comment, and I took it to mean " you're no good " . My therapist points out that he would struggle to find any " bad " in me. He said that I have many achievements (academic, music) and likable personality characteristics (affectionate, humourous). And you do too - you have art show achievements, you are open and honest and supportive here, and I'm sure you could think of many more. It's nice to try and remind myself that self-criticism comes from nada's brainwashing of me. It's something I'm trying to get awareness and understanding about it. But it's tough at times! Regards, P.Bear > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will be > accepted. > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying to > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2008 Report Share Posted September 29, 2008 One step in front of the other, as usual. Still struggling with constant second guessing abilities as a reasonable mother. Same old, same old. Hanging in there, moving forward. *** It is good to hear from you, I was wondering what happened. As far as I am concerned, who cares if anyone " gets " it.. The sculpture is more about getting the garbage out of you and giving it a voice that can't be put down. Our chief concern as KOs is to root out the negative that has been hammered into us and let it go. It is interesting that you depict your nada as a bird-like creature with a long neck. The first thought I had, when I read that, was of a bird of prey. Then I started thinking maybe vulture. No doubt a beady eyed hateful harpy, with all that implies. I picture a n straw hat like the anti-Poppins and a close stitched shawl, all the better to smoother your dreams with. The metal rings from collar bone to jaw are distorting her presence giving her height to tower over you and condescend your talent. I get the part about the stain that can't be removed. I hope it gets accepted. Keep moving on, chick. anxiety anyone? Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will be accepted. I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted her outfit and wrote on her face: " A fingerprint brand from a big hand Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying to change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know that I need it now. love, girlscout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Thanks gals, It's good to be back. My honey lost his job yesterday. Hard hard times. His company closed. The good news is he already has an interview this afternoon. Is anyone else really struggling in the face of the economic news? I am having such a hard time that I am going to limit how much news I allow myself to see. Hugs, GS > One step in front of the other, as usual. Still struggling with constant > second guessing abilities as a reasonable mother. Same old, same old. > Hanging in there, moving forward. > *** > It is good to hear from you, I was wondering what happened. As far as I am > concerned, who cares if anyone " gets " it.. The sculpture is more about > getting the garbage out of you and giving it a voice that can't be put down. > Our chief concern as KOs is to root out the negative that has been hammered > into us and let it go. It is interesting that you depict your nada as a > bird-like creature with a long neck. The first thought I had, when I read > that, was of a bird of prey. Then I started thinking maybe vulture. No doubt > a beady eyed hateful harpy, with all that implies. I picture a n > straw hat like the anti-Poppins and a close stitched shawl, all the better > to smoother your dreams with. The metal rings from collar bone to jaw are > distorting her presence giving her height to tower over you and condescend > your talent. > I get the part about the stain that can't be removed. > I hope it gets accepted. > Keep moving on, chick. > > > > anxiety anyone? > > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > be > accepted. > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > to > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Oh yes I can relate. I lost my job in January. Ive been temping since March and now that has dried up as well. I am leaving California in a couple of weeks. > > > One step in front of the other, as usual. Still struggling with constant > > second guessing abilities as a reasonable mother. Same old, same old. > > Hanging in there, moving forward. > > *** > > It is good to hear from you, I was wondering what happened. As far as I am > > concerned, who cares if anyone " gets " it.. The sculpture is more about > > getting the garbage out of you and giving it a voice that can't be put down. > > Our chief concern as KOs is to root out the negative that has been hammered > > into us and let it go. It is interesting that you depict your nada as a > > bird-like creature with a long neck. The first thought I had, when I read > > that, was of a bird of prey. Then I started thinking maybe vulture. No doubt > > a beady eyed hateful harpy, with all that implies. I picture a n > > straw hat like the anti-Poppins and a close stitched shawl, all the better > > to smoother your dreams with. The metal rings from collar bone to jaw are > > distorting her presence giving her height to tower over you and condescend > > your talent. > > I get the part about the stain that can't be removed. > > I hope it gets accepted. > > Keep moving on, chick. > > > > > > > > anxiety anyone? > > > > > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > > be > > accepted. > > > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > > to > > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 GS, Welcome back! So sorry to hear about your husband. I hope his interview goes well. I do try to be very positive, but I do find the economic news very unsettling. I think this whole political and economic mess is just so wrong. We the Main Street people are getting the shaft...and I am of course tired of it. We all are. So at this present moment- I am just trying to make sense of this all, and I am praying the gov't gets its act together. Somehow we will bound back....we have too. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Girlscout Cowboy " wrote: > > Thanks gals, It's good to be back. My honey lost his job yesterday. Hard > hard times. His company closed. The good news is he already has an interview > this afternoon. Is anyone else really struggling in the face of the economic > news? I am having such a hard time that I am going to limit how much news I > allow myself to see. > > Hugs, GS > > > > > One step in front of the other, as usual. Still struggling with constant > > second guessing abilities as a reasonable mother. Same old, same old. > > Hanging in there, moving forward. > > *** > > It is good to hear from you, I was wondering what happened. As far as I am > > concerned, who cares if anyone " gets " it.. The sculpture is more about > > getting the garbage out of you and giving it a voice that can't be put down. > > Our chief concern as KOs is to root out the negative that has been hammered > > into us and let it go. It is interesting that you depict your nada as a > > bird-like creature with a long neck. The first thought I had, when I read > > that, was of a bird of prey. Then I started thinking maybe vulture. No doubt > > a beady eyed hateful harpy, with all that implies. I picture a n > > straw hat like the anti-Poppins and a close stitched shawl, all the better > > to smoother your dreams with. The metal rings from collar bone to jaw are > > distorting her presence giving her height to tower over you and condescend > > your talent. > > I get the part about the stain that can't be removed. > > I hope it gets accepted. > > Keep moving on, chick. > > > > > > > > anxiety anyone? > > > > > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > > be > > accepted. > > > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > > to > > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Good luck with the job search!! Yes, my family is really struggling with this economy as well. My husband was downsized twice in 18 months. Our credit cards fed us for over a year. Now we are trying to pay down major debt and raise two kids at the same time. We are reducing spending everywhere (no eating out, buying no fresh vegetables, used clothes for the kids, I'm cutting everyone's hair, etc.) and the ends still aren't meeting. It makes it hard to fall asleep at night! le > > > One step in front of the other, as usual. Still struggling with constant > > second guessing abilities as a reasonable mother. Same old, same old. > > Hanging in there, moving forward. > > *** > > It is good to hear from you, I was wondering what happened. As far as I am > > concerned, who cares if anyone " gets " it.. The sculpture is more about > > getting the garbage out of you and giving it a voice that can't be put down. > > Our chief concern as KOs is to root out the negative that has been hammered > > into us and let it go. It is interesting that you depict your nada as a > > bird-like creature with a long neck. The first thought I had, when I read > > that, was of a bird of prey. Then I started thinking maybe vulture. No doubt > > a beady eyed hateful harpy, with all that implies. I picture a n > > straw hat like the anti-Poppins and a close stitched shawl, all the better > > to smoother your dreams with. The metal rings from collar bone to jaw are > > distorting her presence giving her height to tower over you and condescend > > your talent. > > I get the part about the stain that can't be removed. > > I hope it gets accepted. > > Keep moving on, chick. > > > > > > > > anxiety anyone? > > > > > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > > be > > accepted. > > > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > > to > > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Oh, I would love to see a picture of your image! I'm sure it was very therapeutic creating it. That's quite a good outlet. I will sometimes write about my nada for an outlet. It makes me both laugh and cry to do so. Girlscout Cowboy wrote: Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will be accepted. I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted her outfit and wrote on her face: " A fingerprint brand from a big hand Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying to change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know that I need it now. love, girlscout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Good news guys, My honey got a temp job today for the next 3 months. Lets all say a little prayer. i will get that image and send it out as soon as I can. It's on my home computer and I'm at work, of course. > Oh, I would love to see a picture of your image! I'm sure it was very > therapeutic creating it. That's quite a good outlet. I will sometimes write > about my nada for an outlet. It makes me both laugh and cry to do so. > > > Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...<girlscout.cowboy%40gmail.com>> > wrote: > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > be > accepted. > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > to > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 Gs....Great news!!Thanks for sharing! Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Girlscout Cowboy " wrote: > > Good news guys, My honey got a temp job today for the next 3 months. Lets > all say a little prayer. i will get that image and send it out as soon as I > can. It's on my home computer and I'm at work, of course. > > > > > Oh, I would love to see a picture of your image! I'm sure it was very > > therapeutic creating it. That's quite a good outlet. I will sometimes write > > about my nada for an outlet. It makes me both laugh and cry to do so. > > > > > > Girlscout Cowboy <girlscout.cowboy@...<girlscout.cowboy% 40gmail.com>> > > wrote: > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > > be > > accepted. > > > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > > to > > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Hi Girlscout Cowboy, I think that's wonderful that you are utilizing your art and creativity to express your feelings about your nada's abuse! That has got to be a very healthy outlet; that's marvelous that you are entering your art in a sculpting show, Go GC! And I know what you mean, my nada also made me (and Sister) ashamed of our very being. My memories of having every physical flaw pointed out and clucked over go way back. I would be made fun of when my knees were bandaged for scrapes. She sighed with sadness when my ears showed: she thought they were huge. I too was ashamed to smile because I had a gap between my front teeth. She told me my glasses made me look ugly. She hated my hair and made me wear it in the same style as hers. She made fun of my posture. My hands were shaped like my dad's so (according to nada) they were ugly and unfeminine. By the time I hit puberty and got pimples (of course I would get pimples; nada had never had pimples) I became so self-conscious I could barely bring myself to look other people in the eye. If there had been a way for me to not go out in public I would have become a teen-aged recluse. And just FYI, looking at photos of myself from late childhood/early teen years: I looked absolutely normal and average. Even kind of cute. But I was not tall, leggy, or busty with striking good looks, porcelain skin, lustrous thick hair or perfect vision. I was not an unusually talented dancer, singer, or musician, not the smartest kid in class, or scholarship material. So nada was perpetually disappointed with me, and let me know it. I was apparently supposed to become rich and famous (she wanted me to be on TV, kept pushing for it) so that she could bask in reflected glory. Sorry, nada. I'm happy being just normal and average! If you want wealth and fame, YOU go do something striking and original and earn it for yourself. -Annie > > Hi Guys, I've been gone for a bit. How is everyone? I'm okay. Dealing with > > medication changes and all that, I just took some time off from the > > memories. I did finish a sculpture - of course, with quite a bit of an ugly > > tribute to Nada in it. I'll send an image to anyone who would like to see > > it. It's part of a series that is dedicated to nada which is called " women > > are birds. " Right now it is at a sculpture show waiting to see if it will > > be > > accepted. > > > > I want to describe it to see if it rings for anyone else. > > It's a woman's head. She is wearing a black hat, necklace that is just > > mutiple ring upon ring of metal and has feathers at her neck and collar > > bones. I paper mached over a long necked styrafoam head. Then I crocheted > > her outfit and wrote on her face: > > > > " A fingerprint brand from a big hand > > Who can remember a grip so tight it stained? " > > > > This is part of a poem that is about the personal shame I feel is the only > > gift nada every gave me. I am so afraid that everyone around me is trying > > to > > change my personality. When I am facing critisism, I instantly go to that > > place where I believe deep inside that the person I am is deeply deeply > > flawed from the way I smile to the way my toes are shaped. > > > > okay, not to jump right back into things, but that's where I have > > been lately. How are you all? I did miss you guys and the support. I know > > that I need it now. love, girlscout > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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