Re: Another boundary test

[Guest guest]

>

> I've been NC for a little over 2 years. My all-bad sister has been

> trying to deal with my parents during this time. She keeps trying to

> bring the family back together again. Mt parents are getting

> old...guilt is a major factor.

>

> Last year she lied to my parents, telling them that I had called a

> suicide hotline...it got them to react, but I'm not falling for a

lie.

>

> Now my sister is trying to talk sense into my narcissistic

> co-dependent fada. The message I'm getting from her is that he wants

> the family back together again; is furious with me; and although he

> takes some tiny bit of responsibility in what went wrong, he's

> extremely quick to use the " We did so much for you kids line. "

>

> Once a KO breaks away & gets the support & info...there's really is

no

> going back. I'm never going to be my fada's compliant little omega

dog

> pushover. Poor, sad fada has to deal with my opinions &

emotions...so,

> so sad! Anyway, I don't think my sister should be the go between.

I'm

> trying to hold my ground. I guess this is just another boundary

test.

> C'est la vie.

>

Mr. Zarkley-

Good for you holding your ground...I am familiar with the " we did so

much for you kids line. " My Fada's version was " Personally, I cannot

understand how you can continually treat your mother so shamefully?

She has given you more than you realize! " The only part that was

true was that she did give my brother and I more than she

realized...but these were not positive gifts but rather years of

emotional baggage.

I am not in your position...I don't have a sibling trying to bring

the family back " together " as if we were ever " together. " My brother

lives in another state (and has been since he graduated from college

20+ years ago)...so he is somewhat removed from the everyday drama.

Apparently, my parents are contemplating moving to his state...hard

to know if this is a sincere interest in being near him or some other

manipulative ploy. They first sent me e-mails letting me know they

were planning on moving from their small two bedroom condo into an

apartment and did I want any of their stuff that they couldn't take -

all " free of charge. " Right. I politely declined.

Anyhow...apparently, they have been sending my brother questions

about locations in his city...were they a safe area, etc. While my

brother is entirely aware of all the crazy making my parents were a

part of here, he has recently made the comment, " It would be nice to

have them around. " Wow. Dellusional. Mind you...it was about 7

years ago that my brother last vacationed on our side of the

state...on that visit things got so crazy that Nada threw my brother,

his wife and two kids out of their condo because of an argument with

his wife (a possible BPD...not my assessment...but the assessment of

my brother's therapist). So my brother spent the rest of his

vacation in a hotel and today thinks it might be " nice " to have my

parents around. There is no way I'm getting in the middle of this

one. I have altogether too much first hand experience to even think

twice about getting involved.

I am guessing your all-bad sister is probably experiences of what it

might be like to be painted all-good...she could be the hero for

bringing the family back together. However, unfortunately, it just

sets her up.

I know how you feel about not being able to " go back " having seen the

light. The knowledge of BPD puts us in a different situation...we

know it's not going to get better so the best we can hope for is a

superficial relationship. I can talk to anyone about the sales at

VG's or the latest car-jacking...don't need a BPD in my life to do

that. I am happy with NC. I feel like inviting my BPD nada back

into my life would be like willingly swallowing a parasite. No thank

you!

Hold your ground! You can't control how any of them will act and you

can't protect your sister from their manipulation. No doubt she will

eventually " get " it on her own.

Take care-

JJFan