Update: Re: Someone help me please....so confused and upset.

[Guest guest]

I really want to thank everyone for your support yesterday while I

was going through this.

It was a horrible day, and I don't know why. I was freaking out over

something simple as an EMAIL from my little sister. I actually had a

panic attack that day, twice I think.I had a hard time breathing,

pressure in my chest, and was throwing up. My husband wanted to

take me to the hospital, but I eventually calmed down.

Last night I called my sister, hours after I sent her my email

response. She didn't answer. I assumed that she was angry at me, or

that she was confused and didn't want to talk to anyone. But she

ended up calling me back that night and we briefly discussed our

emails to each other. I told her that I don't want her to be stuck

in the middle of anything, and she said she doesn't feel that way,

that she just had things off her chest that she needed to let out to

me. I told her that I love her and respect her and that she can come

to me about anything, even if it is unpleasant. That I won't ever

get upset with her over her genuine feelings. She said sometimes she

doesn't want to talk about mom with me, and that she doesn't always

want to talk about me to mom. I said that is fine, and that I don't

have a problem with that.

When we are together, I usually avoid the subject of NADA. Every now

and then, I will casually ask " hows mom? " but now I know that I

should NEVER bring up NADA, even casually.

I feel a little better about it. Our phone conversation ended

pleasantly, and we had a few laughs, even may go shopping with each

other this weekend. But I can't help but to feel that there are

still unsaid things between her and i, especially on her side. I

feel like she is just making nice with me when maybe she doesn't

really want to. I feel like nothing was really resolved here, does

this make sense?

I never want to feel like I did yesterday. Just the mere thought of

facing nada sent me into a full blown panic attack. How can I avoid

this in the future? Why does my body react that way?

Thank you so much for all your advice, I love you guys, and dont'

know what I would do without this group.

Thanks,

Sara Jo

> > > >

> > > > My sister wrote me this email last night, and I don't know

> what

> > to

> > > > think of it.

> > > > I feel like now, even though my sister loves me and we are

> > > friends,

> > > > that NADA has gotten to her and now I'm the bad guy in my

> > sisters

> > > > eyes. PLEASE HELP ME. How should I respond? I am so

depressed

> > > right

> > > > now.

> > > >

> > > > Hey sis, How's things? I can't remember if this was your

> > vacation

> > > > week or not, but if it is, hope you're relaxing and taking

it

> > in.

> > > I

> > > > know you've been through a lot lately, and I'm sure it's

been

> > > > wearing you out in more ways than one. I hope you know I am

> here

> > > for

> > > > you whenever you need me. I was so relieved when you got

your

> > > > results back, I knew you'd be fine, but the confirmation was

> > great.

> > > > (just a note here, I had a cancer scare recently, but the

> tests

> > > all

> > > > came up negative, this is what she is referring to)

> > > >

> > > > I've been worrying a lot lately about mom. I talked to Uncle

D

> > > last

> > > > week and he informed me that she was recently told by her

> > > > hepatologist that she is reaching her final stages of

> cirrhosis

> > > and

> > > > that a transplant would be necessary sometime in the near

> > future.

> > > As

> > > > far as we all know, Aunt A is the only blood match for mom

> (A+)

> > > but

> > > > mom is completely opposed to involving her in a

> transplant.. .for

> > > > now. She told me when push comes to shove, if it was the

only

> > > > option, then she would not have a choice. I'm not quite sure

> of

> > > her

> > > > status on the transplant list, however I do know that she is

> an

> > > > excellant candidate for a transplant. She is relatively

young,

> > > > doesn't (and hasn't) have a drinking problem, and other than

> her

> > > > liver, she is considered healthy, according to the doctor.

> These

> > > are

> > > > the main things they look for when considering numbers on

the

> > > list,

> > > > as it isn't on a first come first serve basis. She is in the

> > > process

> > > > to see where she is at in terms of a transplant as of now

> > > > (ultrasounds and obtaining her biopsy) These are things the

> > doctor

> > > > will consider before acknowledging how urgent her needs of a

> > > > transplant are at this moment. I am trying to see my blood

> type

> > as

> > > > well, from the lab work I had done a few weeks ago, I would

> have

> > > to

> > > > place an order for it to be analyzed, but I'm not sure my

> > > insurance

> > > > covers that or not...the nurse said she would get back with

me

> > to

> > > > tell me whether my blood type was assesed in the thyroid

test.

> I

> > > > told mom about your problems and false alarm, I hope you

don't

> > > mind

> > > > or get mad at me, but she was really worried about you, as I

> > knew

> > > > she would be. She cried when I told her you were okay, she

was

> > so

> > > > relieved. I know that you have your own life now, and I hope

> > > writing

> > > > this email doesn't upset you the least bit. It breaks my

heart

> > > when

> > > > I talk to mom on the phone and she cries to me about how she

> > > misses

> > > > her girls so much and she wishes every day to see them.

She's

> > > > changed, Sara. When I talk to her, she sounds so heartfelt,

so

> > > soft.

> > > > She no longer holds that abbrasive, sketchy tone in her

voice.

> > She

> > > > asks about you everyday when I speak to her, hesistant to

> upset

> > > me,

> > > > but these days, I want her to know everything. The reason

that

> > you

> > > > got an email from uncle danny/aunt amy's address as a reply

to

> > one

> > > > that you wrote to her was becasue when she read it, it

seemed

> > like

> > > > she was reading an email from an old friend..or an

> aquaintance.

> > > You

> > > > didn't even address her as " mom " or Love, Sara. " It sounded

so

> > > > generic and unthoughtful, despite your attempt. I'm your

> > > sister..you

> > > > don't need to reimburse me for a pizza I bring over...I

think

> of

> > > > that all the time, how distant I felt from you that day. I

> know

> > > you

> > > > didn't mean anything by it, but I felt so weird about it. I

> feel

> > > > angry sometimes when you tell me of your contact with Doug's

> > > > family...I guess I feel sad that you don't even contact your

> own

> > > > family the way you do them...despite the situation. I regret

> > ever

> > > > contacting our father..he's a worthless piece of shit...I

know

> > his

> > > > sister's have no control over that, but I have no desire to

> keep

> > > in

> > > > any contact with them..they didn't raise us or even try to

be

> > > apart

> > > > of our lives...ever. They're fake and worthless.

> > > >

> > > > I'm sorry for this email .. I've just been so upset lately

and

> > so

> > > > sorry for alot of things. I've just accumulated so many

> thoughts

> > > > that I've kept in for a while..I hope you understand why. I

> love

> > > you

> > > > so much and I hope you're truely happy with every aspect in

> your

> > > > life. You been through alot to get where you are, and I

admire

> > > that.

> > > > I always will.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > > your favorite little sister.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I need to say that the email my sister was referring to was

> one

> > > that

> > > > I wrote to my mom last month. I made a post about it on

here.

> > This

> > > > is what it said:

> > > > Hi mom,

> > > >

> > > > It's been a couple months since you moved away, and I was

just

> > > > wondering how you are doing down in SC.Do you like your new

> > place?

> > > > I was watching the news the night before last, and saw

> something

> > > > about hurricane Hannah. Were you affected? I hope you and

the

> > > family

> > > > are ok. Hopefully the hurricane season will be over soon.

> > > > Things are good up here. I've been busy with work (we just

> > started

> > > a

> > > > new quarter of school) and I've been busy trying to decorate

> my

> > > > house. I've never been one for decorating, so it's a

challenge

> > for

> > > > me. But I like it. I've realized I'm pretty good at

painting,

> > and

> > > I

> > > > enjoy it.

> > > > Well, I just wanted to drop a line. I hope you are doing

well.

> > > Write

> > > > back soon if you can.

> > > > Love,

> > > > Sara Jo

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I copied and pasted that directly from my " sent folder " in

my

> > > email.

> > > > I did address her as " mom " and I did write " love, Sara " at

the

> > > end.

> > > > Why would my sister say that I didn't do those things?

> > > >

> > > > My sister doesn't seem to understand that I have some issues

> > with

> > > > mom and that although I know not every parent is perfect,

> there

> > > are

> > > > things my mother did that have left permanent scars on my

> soul.

> > > >

> > > > I am really hurting here. What would you all do? I don't

want

> my

> > > > sister to not like me anymore. We spent so much of our

> childhood

> > > > bickering and fighting. Please help.

> > > > ~Sara Jo

> > > >

> > >

> >

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