When did you realize that your father knew?

October 28, 2008

I realized that my father knew something was wrong with my mother when

I was about 14. She had just let the witch out to *scream* at me

about letting the dryer run too long. (I had been washing my own

clothes for years because she resented doing it.)

My father saw me crying; big, heaping sobs. It was one of those times

when the yelling really got to me, though usually I would just stand

there, stony-still and silent til it was over.

So he asked me what was wrong and I asked him why she had to *yell*

over the *dryer*. " Why is she *so angry*? " I asked him.

I felt certain at that moment that he knew I was right. He knew she

was not reacting normally.

His response? To sit there, saying nothing. No words of comfort. No

understanding. Just sit there, completely impotent.

And I thought, " this SOB *knows* what she is doing to me but he won't

do anything about it. "

I'm really glad I went to my grandfather's funeral. He pulled me

aside to very angrily tell me I need to call my mother so he won't

have to listen to her cry all night.

I was feeling guilty about not seeing him, but he didn't say he misses

me or that he wants to see me. He just wants me to appease her.

I can even more clearly see that if throwing me down the volcano that

it my mother would keep her from erupting, he would gladly do it.

October 29, 2008

I was probably a little older than that, maybe 17. He did a very good job of

not getting himself in trouble for the sake of a harmonious childhood for my

brother and I. Well, he tried. )

There was just a shift - maybe when I was 18 - when he treated me as more of an

equal in the " us against her " battle that it always was - he didn't protect as

much, but he opened up to me and we could talk about her honestly. We also found

out that she reads his email, so we couldn't be honest there - that did not go

well! Haha!

When I was pregnant, I had a talk with him and let him know that if she ever

showed signs of being erratic, my children would not be a part of her life, and

thereby his. He makes more of an effort to control her now instead of avoiding

being controlled. It's been an interesting shift. We can exchange looks, and

he is scooping her off the couch and out the door. We're a team, and I think

that makes us both feel better.

) Cheryl

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