Re: Re: venting-but i need advice please

[Guest guest]

Hey all...ty for helping me out here. There are so many great points about

nada and how to handle this situation. I'm going to try to take as many

steps back as feasibly possible and just let her keep busy with the new

" golden family " . You are all right....eventually her true colors will show

and they will be painted black when they stop answering to her every whim.

It's just hard.

> Excellent comments in the previous posts. As everyone has said,

> once your cousin gets to know nada and realizes she is not perfect

> she will begin painting them black. In the meantime, it is hurtful

> watching her treat them so well and knowing she would never do the

> same for you. My nada adopted a replacement daughter from an

> internet chat room when I was in high school. This girl shared some

> of her interests and had a horrible mother so they became best

> buddies and sent each other packages, talked frequently and even

> flew out to visit one another. Whenever the girl came to visit us I

> was expected to hang around and make her feel welcome while nada

> would take her on fun trips, like to the beach, that I wasn't

> invited on (or invited so last minute I couldn't get out of work).

> She took pictures on that beach trip of the replacement daughter, my

> sibling and my dad all together like one big happy family. The

> pictures graced her office for years without a single picture of me

> displayed. At home I got to hear constantly how " " was

> exceeding at everything she did and wouldn't it be nice if I were

> half as smart and motivated. In the end got her own life and

> drifted away a little and nada started painting her black. Now if

> you ask about her nada tries to say was the weird, clingy one

> and nada had to break away because she didn't think was right

> in the head.

>

>

> > >

> > > I'd just suggest you try to take a step back. You know your mom

> > > isn't healthy or normal. I can understand why you'd feel hurt,

> but

> > > in reality, Bunny, you're not doing yourself any good by

> worrying

> > > about it so much. What I hope you will keep working toward is

> just

> > > letting go. Let go of the hope that your mother could ever be

> what

> > > you need her to be. And let her and your aunt and your cousins

> go on

> > > with the crazy if they want to--YOU have the power to choose not

> to

> > > be involved in the drama. And by that, I mean, stop listening

> to all

> > > the gossip about who's adopting whom and who's stealing whose

> > > family. Go do something else, think about something else, and

> > > detach. (I know that is easier said than done, but you can do

> it).

> > >

> > > Of course, if you want to feel hurt about it or need to examine

> that

> > > feeling, that's ok, you have every right to your feelings and

> > > sometimes it can be really beneficial, especially if you're

> someone

> > > who hasn't ever been allowed to do that before. But the pattern

> I

> > > see with you from your postings is this: your foo does something

> > > crazy, and you still emotionally invest in the situation, you

> get

> > > upset, you let it eat at you until you get depressed. THEY ARE

> NEVER

> > > GOING TO BE NORMAL. Sure, you deserve a mom who could love you

> and

> > > take care of you, but that's not what you got. I really think it

> > > would help you to restrict contact with them. Set a boundary

> about

> > > the gossip. And for goodness sake, MAKE A CONCRETE PLAN WITH A

> > > TIMELINE for moving away from her. I can't believe you are

> still

> > > neighbors.

> > >

> > > kt

> > >

> >

>

>

>

--

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny