My First Post

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our group Janice, and no you didnt bore us with details. Sometime

lumps are just fatty tissue, sometimes they are caused by drinking to much

caffine. Just keep a close eye on it.

Jeana

My first post

> Hello everyone this is my first post so bear with me as I am not

> very good at writing and my English lit is pretty bad.

> I will tell you a little about myself and what I went though.

> I am 49 with 3 grown up children. I have suffered with sore breast

> since I can remember but it's always been mastitis, any way last

> year my sister rang and told me she had to go for test because she

> had found a lump, I felt sick for her but also made me think about

> this lump I had found myself, I didn't say anything to her as I know

> she didn't need to here that at the moment she needed someone to

> talk to. Our dad had past away only 12month before and because we

> had fallen out with our older sister who was closer to her age,

> because of something that happened at our dad's funeral, she needed

> to bend someone's ear. It was eight week later I decided to go to

> the Doctors, she said she though there was nothing to worry about

> which I knew she would, but she would get an appointment for me at

> the breast clinic. I like everyone else was a bit worried but again

> this Dr said it's probably fatty tissue, they took a biopsy and told

> me to return in a weeks time for the results. When I returned I was

> put in a room and had to wait, my husband who is disabled with

> hemophilia so he has his own problems, was a great support was

> waiting for a parking place so he wasn't able to come in with me at

> that time but just as the Dr and breast clinic nurse came into the

> room he had manage to park and was arrived at the same time as the

> Dr. They told me the biopsy was malignant, because of the position

> of the lump a lumpectomy might not be possible and I would loose my

> nipple as well, I was asked if I wanted to go and decided what I

> wanted to do, there was no need I knew what I wanted to do and that

> was have a Mastectomy, I have a disabled husband and spend a lot of

> time going to hospital with him and didn't have time to go to the

> other side of Manchester for radiotherapy. I told them that I need

> a few weeks to sort out someone to come and help my hubby, Our

> oldest son who lives in wales and is a male nurse, said he would be

> able to help, so that was one problem sorted and his parents came to

> hospital with him, it was a great the way all the family helped. I

> was told some time after the operation that my lymph gland was clear

> so I didn't need chemotherapy, which I was relieved about. I have no

> problem about loosing my breast, but my sister did so she had a

> lumpectomy and had to go for radiotherapy every day for a few week.

> It made her feel ill and she had a bad time though it, where as I

> recovered quite quickly I just had to have fluid drained a few

> times.

> It's twelve months since my operation and I have my second six

> monthly checkup on thursday, I do have another lump in the other but

> last time they told me it was just fatty tissue, are they always

> right? I have heard of mistakes being made and it worries me. If it

> is cancerous I would rather know so I can get it sorted out, I have

> been on Arimidex for a while and I think its suppose to help stop it

> coming back but after reading about secondary cancer I am not so

> sure.

> I hope I haven't board you with my story, take care Janice

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Janice,

You did not bore us at all. We are here to help anyone in need. We really

can't tell you if it is or isn't malignant. The doctor will need to do that.

Do you eat or drink anything with a lot of caffeine? That can cause problems

and when you stop the lumps seem to disappear. I will keep you in my

prayers.

Hugs

nne

Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html

Check out my breast cancer ornaments at:

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.html

also check out my other ornaments and lots of nice gifts at:

http://www.cancerclub.com

My first post

> Hello everyone this is my first post so bear with me as I am not

> very good at writing and my English lit is pretty bad.

> I will tell you a little about myself and what I went though.

> I am 49 with 3 grown up children. I have suffered with sore breast

> since I can remember but it's always been mastitis, any way last

> year my sister rang and told me she had to go for test because she

> had found a lump, I felt sick for her but also made me think about

> this lump I had found myself, I didn't say anything to her as I know

> she didn't need to here that at the moment she needed someone to

> talk to. Our dad had past away only 12month before and because we

> had fallen out with our older sister who was closer to her age,

> because of something that happened at our dad's funeral, she needed

> to bend someone's ear. It was eight week later I decided to go to

> the Doctors, she said she though there was nothing to worry about

> which I knew she would, but she would get an appointment for me at

> the breast clinic. I like everyone else was a bit worried but again

> this Dr said it's probably fatty tissue, they took a biopsy and told

> me to return in a weeks time for the results. When I returned I was

> put in a room and had to wait, my husband who is disabled with

> hemophilia so he has his own problems, was a great support was

> waiting for a parking place so he wasn't able to come in with me at

> that time but just as the Dr and breast clinic nurse came into the

> room he had manage to park and was arrived at the same time as the

> Dr. They told me the biopsy was malignant, because of the position

> of the lump a lumpectomy might not be possible and I would loose my

> nipple as well, I was asked if I wanted to go and decided what I

> wanted to do, there was no need I knew what I wanted to do and that

> was have a Mastectomy, I have a disabled husband and spend a lot of

> time going to hospital with him and didn't have time to go to the

> other side of Manchester for radiotherapy. I told them that I need

> a few weeks to sort out someone to come and help my hubby, Our

> oldest son who lives in wales and is a male nurse, said he would be

> able to help, so that was one problem sorted and his parents came to

> hospital with him, it was a great the way all the family helped. I

> was told some time after the operation that my lymph gland was clear

> so I didn't need chemotherapy, which I was relieved about. I have no

> problem about loosing my breast, but my sister did so she had a

> lumpectomy and had to go for radiotherapy every day for a few week.

> It made her feel ill and she had a bad time though it, where as I

> recovered quite quickly I just had to have fluid drained a few

> times.

> It's twelve months since my operation and I have my second six

> monthly checkup on thursday, I do have another lump in the other but

> last time they told me it was just fatty tissue, are they always

> right? I have heard of mistakes being made and it worries me. If it

> is cancerous I would rather know so I can get it sorted out, I have

> been on Arimidex for a while and I think its suppose to help stop it

> coming back but after reading about secondary cancer I am not so

> sure.

> I hope I haven't board you with my story, take care Janice

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--janice

you story was a very touching and dont ever think we think story is

boring because its not my heart goes to you becaue i know you are

worry which we all do that i been having fatty tissues for a long

time and theres no cancer srs will keep close o eye on you sounds

like you have a very sweet husband and family to helpo you and take

care you and hubby well girl anytime you need to talk take the whole

board if you have to there is plenty here to want to listen and help

you out we all are sisters here we all fought the same disease so

that makes us sisters

love you girl be praying for you

cheryl- In breastcancer2 , " Janice " <janicebatt@y...>

wrote:

> board you with my story, take care Janice

[Guest guest]

Lucilla, you did not send your b'day to me at the birthday alarm site

or I would have sent you a card....I'll send you the link so you can

go put it there for next year. doris

> no bore at all !!!!

> welcome to the Club baby...this is a family , you'll see.

> I'm Lucilla, 41 last Saturday (hey you guys, you forgot my birtday

:-( !!!! LOL), bc, liver and kidney involved, heart problems, s

[Guest guest]

I've cried only a few times in my life. Right now the tears are

coming down pretty hard.

I'm lying in my bed thinking how alone I am. In the last year, I've

lost an incredible relationship and almost all the members of my

family. The ones I have not lost, such as my dad, I can never have

the same relationship with.

I've been in therapy for 10 years. I'm now finally taking the steps

to get my life back on track. I have a BPD mom and an enabling

father. With the help of a few close friends and a really good new

therapist, I've finally separated myself from my mom and I'm trying to

start a new life.

I did everything I could to try to make it work with my mom. I showed

up to family events even though I was constantly hurt. I walked away

from an incredible relationship because I thought I could fix my mom

and my girlfriend knew it was not something anyone could fix.

About a year ago I took a stand and told my mom I would only deal with

her in therapy. She went ballistic and refused to show up. I held my

ground and refused to interact with her in any way outside of

therapy. I did not take her calls or even listen to her voicemail

messages.

My mom finally agreed to show up to therapy, but used the time to yell

and scream. The therapist couldn't even get her under control.

In our last session, she played the guilt card numerous times, saying

how bad her health is, and how great a mother she has always been to

me. She tells me that she protected me all those times my dad beat

me. I looked at her and said when did her ever beat me? My father

never laid a hand on me, yet she was willing to lie and throw him

under the bus to make herself look good. When I asked for one single

time that my dad beat me, she yelled and screamed some more, and

stormed out of the room. That was about 3 months ago, and the last

time I spoke with her.

I did everything I could to keep the rest of my family out of it, but

of course she guilted them into thinking that I was a horrible

person. She did the same thing to my father when I was growing up. I

hated my father then. I hated him with every bone in my body. Now my

siblings hate me the same way.

I come from a community where family is everything. My younger

siblings are like my kids. I love them so much. My youngest brother

just turned 17. I bought him the new ipod, but he refused to accept

it. They now will not even answer my calls or call me back. My

father keeps insisting I should come back and just deal with it. I

still don't know why he deals with it. When my mom stormed out of

therapy, she kicked my dad out of the house with the instructions that

unless he convinces me to come back to the family, he was no longer

welcome. He slept in a motel for a week until she caved and he was

allowed to sleep in their bed.

Now I'm the one that sleeps alone. I was laying there right now

thinking how wonderful it was when I had my girlfriend over and she

would lay her head on my chest and drift off to sleep. We had our

problems, but losing a serious relationship over something like this

is just wrong.

I chose my mom over the woman I loved. I chose my crazy,

manipulative, destructive, life sucking mom over one of the few women

who really loved me, and cared about me, and wanted to be there for

me. I chose dysfunctional chaos over the chance of building my own

family.

And now I sleep alone, and my phone hardly ever rings.

But tomorrow is a new day.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to you, and to the several other newbies here. I'm sorry you

are feeling such pain. I hope it will pass soon.

We know what you're going through. Dealing with a mentally ill parent

has got to be on the top ten list of difficult life situations to have

been dealt by fate.

There is something particularly hard about standing up to one's own

mother or father, even when the parent is clearly dysfunctional. I

think we must be hard-wired to respect and defer to our parents, and

that's fine when the parents are mentally healthy. Healthy parents

foster a sense of self-worth, autonomy, and functionality in their

children, launching them into adulthood as prepared as possible.

But when the parent(s) are mentally ill with personality disorders and

abuse their children, abandon their children, distort reality for

their children, or demand that their children nurture and support

*them*, then, the child is in effect crippled. Its the emotional

equivalent of hobbling a child so it can't run away when it grows up.

A child has absolutely no defenses against parental abuse, and comes

out of it (if they survive at all) with a shattered sense of

self-worth and other emotional damage, sometimes physical damage and

believing that its all their own fault: that they deserved the abuse.

If you newbies go back and read earlier posts in this Group, even back

to the beginning, you'll see a lot of familiar behaviors discussed

here. BPD comes in different flavors, but the experiences we've

shared here are eerily similar. I'm sure you will find some ideas and

support and maybe even some answers here so you can start to rescue

yourself.

-Annie

>

> I've cried only a few times in my life. Right now the tears are

> coming down pretty hard.

>

> I'm lying in my bed thinking how alone I am. In the last year, I've

> lost an incredible relationship and almost all the members of my

> family. The ones I have not lost, such as my dad, I can never have

> the same relationship with.

>

> I've been in therapy for 10 years. I'm now finally taking the steps

> to get my life back on track. I have a BPD mom and an enabling

> father. With the help of a few close friends and a really good new

> therapist, I've finally separated myself from my mom and I'm trying to

> start a new life.

>

> I did everything I could to try to make it work with my mom. I showed

> up to family events even though I was constantly hurt. I walked away

> from an incredible relationship because I thought I could fix my mom

> and my girlfriend knew it was not something anyone could fix.

>

> About a year ago I took a stand and told my mom I would only deal with

> her in therapy. She went ballistic and refused to show up. I held my

> ground and refused to interact with her in any way outside of

> therapy. I did not take her calls or even listen to her voicemail

> messages.

>

>

> My mom finally agreed to show up to therapy, but used the time to yell

> and scream. The therapist couldn't even get her under control.

>

> In our last session, she played the guilt card numerous times, saying

> how bad her health is, and how great a mother she has always been to

> me. She tells me that she protected me all those times my dad beat

> me. I looked at her and said when did her ever beat me? My father

> never laid a hand on me, yet she was willing to lie and throw him

> under the bus to make herself look good. When I asked for one single

> time that my dad beat me, she yelled and screamed some more, and

> stormed out of the room. That was about 3 months ago, and the last

> time I spoke with her.

>

> I did everything I could to keep the rest of my family out of it, but

> of course she guilted them into thinking that I was a horrible

> person. She did the same thing to my father when I was growing up. I

> hated my father then. I hated him with every bone in my body. Now my

> siblings hate me the same way.

>

> I come from a community where family is everything. My younger

> siblings are like my kids. I love them so much. My youngest brother

> just turned 17. I bought him the new ipod, but he refused to accept

> it. They now will not even answer my calls or call me back. My

> father keeps insisting I should come back and just deal with it. I

> still don't know why he deals with it. When my mom stormed out of

> therapy, she kicked my dad out of the house with the instructions that

> unless he convinces me to come back to the family, he was no longer

> welcome. He slept in a motel for a week until she caved and he was

> allowed to sleep in their bed.

>

> Now I'm the one that sleeps alone. I was laying there right now

> thinking how wonderful it was when I had my girlfriend over and she

> would lay her head on my chest and drift off to sleep. We had our

> problems, but losing a serious relationship over something like this

> is just wrong.

>

> I chose my mom over the woman I loved. I chose my crazy,

> manipulative, destructive, life sucking mom over one of the few women

> who really loved me, and cared about me, and wanted to be there for

> me. I chose dysfunctional chaos over the chance of building my own

> family.

>

> And now I sleep alone, and my phone hardly ever rings.

>

> But tomorrow is a new day.

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I've cried only a few times in my life. Right now the tears are

> coming down pretty hard.

>

> I'm lying in my bed thinking how alone I am...

>

> I chose my mom over the woman I loved. I chose my crazy,

> manipulative, destructive, life sucking mom over one of the few women

> who really loved me, and cared about me, and wanted to be there for

> me. I chose dysfunctional chaos over the chance of building my own

> family.

>

> And now I sleep alone, and my phone hardly ever rings.

>

> But tomorrow is a new day.

>

Rodsir78-

Welcome to the group and so very sorry you qualify. Your story has a

similar thread to everyone's...many of us been at that painful place

where you are trying to pick up the pieces after you finally realize

what you have been dealing with. Despite all the pain they cause, it's

hard to draw that line in the sand and say enough is enough. Even

harder still when by default it carries over into relationships with

other family members.

There aren't any words that can really make the pain go away. We all

grieve for what we lost, what we never had and what we never will

have. We grieve for the unconditional love of a parent that we can

never seem to please. We grieve for the siblings who haven't reached

the same place we have in the realization process. We grieve for the

choices we made in our lives because of the dysfunction that was all

around us stealing our joy, sufficating our happiness, and clouding our

judgement.

At some point, though, I can assure you that the grief will begin to

subside. You will put back the pieces of your life. You will find

meaningful relationships. And I suspect you will eventually rekindle

relationships with your siblings. It's amazing what time will do.

Focus on healing yourself and caring for yourself. We can't change the

past and we shouldn't judge ourselves to harshly. To get to the place

where you understand what you are dealing with is huge. Painful, but

liberating at the same time. You have already made big steps. Many

people struggle to set boundaries and you have drawn your line clearly

in the sand. Just don't ever forget why you drew it there in the first

place..to protect yourself from continued abuse.

You deserve much, much better than you've been given.

Take care of yourself.

JJFan