Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 These quotes were great and so true. Thank you for sharing. I was thinking alot about yesterday, and how I was always taught to stuff my feelings. Your pain, your dreams, your desires, your hopes should be stuffed unless they matched nada's. I see so clearly why I stuffed my feelings with food. I knew I was always an emotional eater, but yesterday when I was told to get over my pain, and deal with nada's feelings of fear over my father's heart test...was like a light bulb moment for me. Our feelings were not honored by our parents, it is like we really didn't exist- because our feelings didn't exist. So as we do uncover our feelings, I feel one of the hardest thing for us to do is validate what we are feeling, and most importantly honor what we are feeling. So when I do feel something umcomfortable, I do stuff and numb those feelings with food. One more time I make those feelings seem not so important- just like nada did. Thanks again for this post and this wonderful board of people to share with. Malinda In WTOAdultChildren1 , " jjfan42 " wrote: > > Some random quotes...please feel free to share your own favorites: > > " Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. " > > " Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as > you choose. " > ~ both of the above by Bach > > " Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized > anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. " > ~ Eleanor Roosevelt > > " The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the > laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. " [My Nada > is another.] > ~ Dave Barry > > Enjoy the day! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 ng yoMilenda, I know what you mean about stuffing your feelings. When I was a kid, or much younger living at home with NADA and growing up, sometimes in the midst of argument I would say something to her like " you don't care about my feelings! " and her response to that would be something like this: " How can you say that! I do everything for you! I sacrificed everything to raise you! I do without so you have everything you need! How can you say I don't care about your feelings! " Really, she was doing her duties as a mom, such as feeding up, bathing up, clothing us, etc. But emotionally, she didn't care how we felt. I never once heard her ask me or my sister " how do you feel about this/that? I, too am an emotional eater. It used to be worse, when I was closer with NADA. And, NADA is Italian, so the food was always good, which didn't help! HAH One big thing I remember is that she was planning to marry this guy who lived a few counties away. They were engaged. To be honest, I always loved it when she had a man in her life. I always felt relaxed when she did. She was nicer to us when she had a man around. She seemed happier. So when she was engaged, I was happy for her. One weekend, we packed all our stuff to move in with him. My sister and I were willing to leave our friends, our schools, and everything we did for mom, we didn;t argue or complain. We moved in with him and 2 days later, they got into a HUGE argument about his son not liking my mom. Her fiancee himself didn't really do anything wrong. His son was just angry that we were there. So that made NADA mad, and you know what she did? She made him pack all our stuff back and move it back to our house. We moved away and moved back in 2 days. I felt so angry. I remember saying to NADA " I don't know who to be pissed at! " I have a feeling that NADA was the one to cause that trauma, though. The night we moved back into our house, mom and her man reconciled and were laughing and acting in love again. So I immediately dropped my anger and was happy because NADA was. I couldn't allow myself to feel my own feeligs. Not even as a teenager. NADA had complete control over my emotions. I think she hates me because I took that control away from her. And life has been so strange to me, feeling my own feelings and determining my own emotions. ~Sara Jo > > > > Some random quotes...please feel free to share your own favorites: > > > > " Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. " > > > > " Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live > as > > you choose. " > > ~ both of the above by Bach > > > > " Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be > criticized > > anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. " > > ~ Eleanor Roosevelt > > > > " The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by > the > > laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. " [My > Nada > > is another.] > > ~ Dave Barry > > > > Enjoy the day! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 " Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. " (Sorry, one of my favs from a more positive side of my childhood.) Some that I love but don't know the sources : " If it is to be, it is up to me. " " Those who don't learn from the past are destined to repeat it. " " It's never too late to have a happy childhood. " Thanks for sharing JJ! Kindest regards, Mercy > > Some random quotes...please feel free to share your own favorites: > > " Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. " > > " Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as > you choose. " > ~ both of the above by Bach > > " Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized > anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. " > ~ Eleanor Roosevelt > > " The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the > laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. " [My Nada > is another.] > ~ Dave Barry > > Enjoy the day! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Oh, my goodness Sara Jo -- I had a roller coaster of familiar feelings while reading that post! So sorry she put you through that. And yes, you hit the nail on the head when you said " NADA had complete control over my emotions. I think she hates me because I took that control away from her. And life has been so strange to me, feeling my own feelings and determining my own emotions. " That's IT! Can you imagine how scary it is for someone who has spent their life carefully ordering their world and the people in it -- so that they never have to see themselves as they truly are? I've been dealing with " feeling my feelings and determining my emotions " , too. It's as if our parents stunted us in that area, and we never grew. One lady in my therapy group put it well when she said " For once, my insides matched my outside! " Meaning she said what she was feeling AT THE TIME she was feeling it! I have always admired people who could be up front and honest in the moment -- you know the types who don't get themselves into situations from not being able to say " No " or " That doesn't work for me... " ....etc. I'm getting better at it -- (and you are, too!) but I can SO identify with what you describe. My nada and fada, as you have heard me rant here, have spent the past few years trying to reign me in because I am no longer going along with the family script. It pissed my dad off -- and my mother just stews in her hermit cave. But both behaviors are rooted in their horror that I am no longer in their emotional control. -Kyla > > > > > > Some random quotes...please feel free to share your own favorites: > > > > > > " Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. " > > > > > > " Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to > live > > as > > > you choose. " > > > ~ both of the above by Bach > > > > > > " Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be > > criticized > > > anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. " > > > ~ Eleanor Roosevelt > > > > > > " The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained > by > > the > > > laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. " > [My > > Nada > > > is another.] > > > ~ Dave Barry > > > > > > Enjoy the day! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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