Worried about spending Thanksgiving with his family

[Guest guest]

Read a few threads on people considering spending thanksgiving alone.

Well I am running intp the opposite scenario - I'm spending the 1st

thanksgiving with my husband's family. And they are normal family-

oriented people!

Since my parents' divoice, I've been the " forgotten " one from either

side of my family on holidays because they fear of conflicts

of " fighting " for who I celebrate with. I've spent most holidays by

myself growing up and loved it. After leaving my family, I spent

holidays either alone or with close friends/boyfriends. Enjoyed most of

them.

SO. This is going to be the 1st thanksgiving I spend with my husband's

family and I'm kinda freaked out... for the following reasons:

1) His parents only reluctantly accept me. I'm nervous around them.

Very.

2) I know nothing about family celebrations, including how to act, what

to do or say... nothing. And I'm clueless about how to obtain a holiday

spirit.

3) His family loves and celebrates every single holiday and semi-

holiday. They are always happy around each other. And very structured.

The children are very obedient, knowing exactly what to say. Very

courteous and reasonable people but not the touchy-feely kind. Needless

to say, a total contrast to my emotional, messed-up, love-hate-mingling

family. I have no idea how to act around them without showing my

emotional side and freaking them out (I pouted in front of them once

and that was BAD which took them years to " forget " ). Yet unfortunately

I feel more emotional around them, because their happiness keeps

reminding me of the lack of my own family. And I'm super emotional

recently just after discovering my nada's BPD and coming to accept that

I was abused. I fear I'll lose my emotional control at some point and

do something " inappropriate " in their eyes and they'll forever dislike

me for as long as the marriage lasts!

3) They are spending thanksgiving at a country club where I'm likely

one of the few minorities, if not the only minority. (I'm dreading this

one. His parents had expressed " concerns " of my race before we got

married.)

4) My husband has historically been quite unaware of my nervousness

around his family. He is the opposite of the protective kind - if he

gets in trouble, he points to me to get himself out of it - an

especially effective escape-code with his family. So I feel I am held

responsible for any of my inappropriatenss in front of his family +

whatever he's not perfect or seemingly himself for.

Am I set up for disaster for this thanksgiving or what... Can't even

begin to think about christmas! >.<