Re: only children

[Guest guest]

has a younger brother, who is only 13 months younger than she. They

are 3 1/2 and 4 1/2 now. And we are in the middle of discussions about

adding the baby sister they both want.

I have always told friends who have one child and ask about having the

second, RSS or not, there are some basic things to ask yourself. Because no

matter how wonderful your children are, two is still more work than one. The

basic one is the strength of your marriage. (HA, don't laugh!). If a couple

already argues about the division of labor and division of childcare with

just one child, it will only get magnified multi-fold with two kids.

And second, is yourself. How are you handling one child? Does taking care

of one child absolutely overwhelm you, or are you OK (we all get overwhelmed

at least once a day, no matter what, right?)

The chance of RSS re-occuring is so very slight, far more slight than the

chance of other disorders occuring. And the chance of having another

beautiful, happy, child that will be a great sibling to your first is far

more likely!

From talking with people who have had their first-born be diagnosed early

with RSS or other syndromes (diagnosed before a second-born comes along), a

lot of the time a sibling never comes simply because they are so busy dealing

with the issues that come along with RSS that they keep postponing that

sibling. And time keeps passing by.

I am rambling here. All I can say from experience is that having a sibling

is awesome! It reminds me that RSS is simply a syndrome, and there is so

much more to than her RSS. And that becomes more apparent when she

is playing (and fighting) with her brother.

Sorry for rambling. S.

[Guest guest]

Madonna,

I have 3 children, but feel sometimes like I have 1 cause I have triplets

(if that's makes any sense to you). I just group mine together as if I have

1 big kid.

Cheryl

Mom to , and - all 2-1/2 years old

mec72799@... wrote:

> Just wondering how many parents on the list only have one child, and

> the child has RSS. was our first, and even though we planned

> not to have any more kids even before he was born, we are even more

> sure now that he will be the only one. This is not out of fear of

> having another RSS kid, but cause of choice. but I was wondering if

> anyone else only has the one child. It seems like most everyone has

> more than one. See I guess i am asking cause even though I know

> steven is small and has some special needs, it is all I know. I have

> no other children to compare it too. When I see him next to other

> kids his own age I know he looks small, but in his own enviroment he

> looks very normal to me, like I said nothing to compare it to.

> Madonna

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Madonna,

We have only one child. His name is and he is 3 1/2, 24.75 pounds and

about 35 " tall.

Ken M.

mec72799@... on 10/22/2000 10:57:43 PM

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Subject: only children

Just wondering how many parents on the list only have one child, and

the child has RSS. was our first, and even though we planned

not to have any more kids even before he was born, we are even more

sure now that he will be the only one. This is not out of fear of

having another RSS kid, but cause of choice. but I was wondering if

anyone else only has the one child. It seems like most everyone has

more than one. See I guess i am asking cause even though I know

steven is small and has some special needs, it is all I know. I have

no other children to compare it too. When I see him next to other

kids his own age I know he looks small, but in his own enviroment he

looks very normal to me, like I said nothing to compare it to.

Madonna

[Guest guest]

Hi Madonna

As you know I have one older daughter. But as far as comparisons go--well

let's just say they came from the same parents and that's it!! The boy/girl

mix is hard to compare to; then comparing size (my daughter is close to my

5'10 " height and she is only 11!!wears the same size shoes as me NOW). Then

their personalities are like night and day. She is shy and reserved and my

son is the life of the party (and if there isn't a party; he will make

one!). She just tested a slight bit short of gifted but she's in the

superior range of intelligence; yet my son refuses to do any work!! You

can't get any more different than these two.

So if you were feeling you had nothing to compare to and you are missing

something...don't bother. The comparison isn't worth it. Even my niece, who

is comparable in size to my daughter but very much like my son in

temperment...is developing along at her own pace. She didn't hit the

milestones at the same time as either of my kids.

So, really, all kids are different even within the same family.

Finally, it is a difficult choice to decide your family is complete. After

Adam I said NO MORE (and that was before I found out there was anything

wrong with him!!). We had just moved into our first house and I couldn't see

having 3 without an addition (which--at the time--seemed out of the question

financially). But my ex husband wanted 6 kids (I know part of his overall

being nuts!!) so I said I would wait until Adam was 5 until I decided. It's

funny...I just picked that age for no particular reason (except he'd be in

school by then) and yet when he turned 5 I was aching for another child

(part of me wanted to prove to myself I could produce another healthy

child--this wasn't my fault--it was a fluke) but fate intervened and by then

I was divorced (don't want to explain to my very Catholic parents how their

divorced daughter ended up pregnant because she was hearing the old

biological clock ticking!!!)

So now that I will be 36 in a few weeks, I think my options have come to a

close. It's still hard to accept (but it makes reality a little more obvious

when I'm not involved in a committed relationship of any kind!!!)LOL

Anyway just sharing my mediation on the subject.

Debby