guilty

[Guest guest]

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed

multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near

to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our

future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i

don't know what to do. please help me with some words.

thanks E.

[Guest guest]

Dear "E",

Fear is more dangerous and crippling than anything else. Most if not all of what you fear will never occur....Live your life, fear is a waste of time and energy. Get yourself informed and you will deal with life as it occurs.

Best wishes.

Tom

PS. If you love him and he loves you..just be.

guilty

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]

You're leaving your boyfriend because he has something most of us have, and you're asking US for advice?!?!? That's pretty cold. Sounds like you might be doing him a favor by leaving, and letting him be free to find someone who understands the word "compassion" and what LOVE *really* is. Akiba -- guilty hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]

Ahhhhhhhhhh,....you beat me to it Akiba......

I went back to see when she joined, and it was only in June. Why would someone join a group such as ours, and ask that type of question? Did she expect we would be sympathic to her "dilema"? My goodness........if she wants out of the relationship go, but don't join a MS support group to ask us how to do it! Scratching my head on this one? Blessings and hugs, Jackie

Subject: Re: guiltyTo: MSersLife Date: Tuesday, August 12, 2008, 12:52 PM

You're leaving your boyfriend because he has something most of us have, and you're asking US for advice?!?!? That's pretty cold. Sounds like you might be doing him a favor by leaving, and letting him be free to find someone who understands the word "compassion" and what LOVE *really* is.

Akiba

-- guilty

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]

Girl.... I've got plenty of words, but believe me, you DON'T want to hear them.

You don't need our help. You need professional help.

Good luck.

Val

The residual attributes that we pass down to our children may not be in our Ggenes... but in our souls.

Subject: guiltyTo: MSersLife Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 12:35 PM

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]



If you had been diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer would he turn his back on you and walk out - we don't have a guarantee when we are born that we will live a fairy tale life - my advice - get out of his life and let him find some one who cares and will love him unconditionally.

You are a real piece of work and deserve

never mind you are not worth the effort

guilty

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]



my shingle is not out for you and I doubt n will listen to crap either

guiltyTo: MSersLife Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 12:35 PM

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.

[Guest guest]

I am really curious to why you think we who have MS can give you the words to break up with your boyfriend now that HE has MS? We are a very compassionate group of family like members who are supportive of each other. Why would we give anyone advice to leave someone who has our illness or any other illness for that fact.

But I will say this, MS is NOT a death sentence and none of us know what the future holds. Some have a progressive form from the beginning, and some only have a few episodes and live their lives relatively symptom free for the rest of their lives. MS does not shorten a persons life, and even if a disability does limit them, there are so many aids and helpful tools to give them to manage their illness.

So here is my advice to YOU. If it freaks you out to be with someone who might end up disabled, then do him a favor and be honest with him. If you want out get out now, but be sensitive to his feelings, and don't just bail. When you have told him you don't think you can handle his illness then do him a favor and send him to us. We will take care of him and try and help him get over someone he thought loved him for better or worse.

Then what you can do is to search your heart and see if there are any redeeming qualities that might help you be less selfish in your next relationship. Remember anyone including yourself can at any time end up with an illness, or an accident, etc. So nothing is fool proof, not even our relationships when it comes to being healthy.

Jackie

Subject: guiltyTo: MSersLife Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 5:35 AMhi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.

thanks E.

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Let us indeed invite HIM to join us here!

Thank you, Jackie,

Love,

n

guiltyTo: MSersLife@yahoogrou ps.comDate: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 5:35 AMhi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.

thanks E.

------------ --------- --------- ------

[Guest guest]

I agree. If that's what he's been putting his love and faith in, I say he needs a group who will show him love and compassion, a place where he can trust, and we won't turn on him. And I also agree with Anne, what if SHE was the one who had something? Would HE walk away? I doubt it. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't deserve him.Akiba -- Re: guilty Let us indeed invite HIM to join us here! Thank you, Jackie, Love, n guiltyTo: MSersLife@yahoogrou ps.comDate: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 5:35 AMhi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words. thanks E. ------------ --------- --------- ------

[Guest guest]

I couldn't think of anything nice or supportive to say to this person. As others have pointed out, this isn't the place to come looking for helpful words in this matter. And, as others have pointed out, MS isn't a death sentence. Maybe this person isn't at the point in her life to accept a serious commitment.

--Mr. Dana F. Utz utzdana@...

[Guest guest]

{{{{{{{{ E }}}}}}}}

I remember when you asked to join the list. I remember you mentioned that your boyfriend was newly diagnosed with MS. And if I remember correctly, you said you wanted to help him? Wanted to learn what you could of MS?

I think your caring and concern were genuine and I don't think you're a bad person. I do think you're in a conflicted place right now. Just as the person diagnosed with MS has a grieving and acceptance process to go through, so do those who care for them. We don't often get to see that side here, though we do hear of loved ones walking out on a person with MS. It is devastating to the person with MS.

I don't know what words you could use to help your boyfriend through this. Be as gentle as you're able.

I don't know how long you've been together, and that probably would play in. However long it's been, you know him and know better than any of us what might be the best way to approach this with him.

This MS diagnosis is very new to both of you. My advice would be to make sure this is the step you want to take. You should not stay in a relationship you're not comfortable being in. That wouldn't be right for either of you. But you also should not rush to get out of a relationship if the doubts are merely part of the grieving and acceptance process you're going through.

There are many possibilities in MS and if you're at all uncertain, please take time to learn from those who have MS what life with MS truly is like (we have several people here who are friends or loved ones of a person with MS, and they might be able to help you as well). It can be very scary in the beginning, especially without the facts from those who really understand. MS doesn't have to be a horrible life changing event. It can and will change things, but there are many wonderful possibilities for his life and your life with him should you stay.

If you do leave him, please let it be because the relationship is not right for both of you and not only because he has MS. You'll only live to regret your decision if you make it in haste. Neither of you should have to live with that.

There is another list you might be interested in and they may be able to help you more than we can. It's a list for those who care for someone with MS. The list was started by nne, who is part of our list here. Please consider joining and writing to them?

The list is Whispers of Love for MS Caregivers and is open to all who have someone with MS in their lives.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/WhispersofLoveforMSCaregivers/

Are there support groups available where you are? You're in Italy, right? This might be a good idea for either or both of you.

Have you been able to sit and talk with your boyfriend about his MS? Have you both been able to share your fears and your hopes? To discuss what is happening and what might happen? That alone could help ease your worries.

In the end, once you've talked it through, once you've learned what you're able and taken the time to be sure of what you want, it will help in whatever decision you do make. It should help both of you.

You both deserve the chance to work this through, no matter what you decide in the end.

And, please, do let him know of our list and let him know he is welcome to join?

HUGS,

Challis

guilty

hi some months ago my boyfriend (30 year old) has been newly diagnosed multiple sclerosis patient (RR one). in the first period i've been near to him but now i have decided to leave him. i'm too afraid of our future together and i've like denied our love. i feel guilty but i don't know what to do. please help me with some words.thanks E.