Updates

July 10, 2005

Elaine,

You are the best grandmother a girl could have. It must have been

ridiculous listening to your daughter set " boundaries " for you. It

seems you are biding your time and doing the smart thing. Good luck

with the guardianship - hopefully you will get custody of your

grand, and not look back!!

Carolyn

>

> Hi, it is alte Saturday afternoon so time to let you all know how

the appts went.

>

> Guardianship: went well, Is tatred the procees, the court date

isn't until Sept to give me lots of time to work with this. I ahve

to subpoena both her and the dad and I prefer to wait until after

the court date in August to see if he gets visitation rights back

again or not.

>

> Very interesting event ahppend that evening though. dgter called,

I answered because I ahd promised to babysit if she got any calls,

remember her work is by call to an ad in the yellow pages or a

newspaper and is immediate. Sadly it ended up an angry and somewhat

abusive call. She started of telling me what a great day she ahd,

got a new job (same work) but in a studio, new daycare, several

other things, she was happy and it was good, then of course the ax

fell and she told me she needed to set some boundaries with me

because she can't ahndle my abusive behaviour and me pushing her

buttons and making ehr angry. Now dear friends please be sitting

down, this is good:

>

> 1. When she calls and asks me for anything I am NOT allowed to

ask why? So if I might babysit so she can work instead of party I am

not allowed to ask Why just yes or no. I said I wouild do my best

>

> 2. Doing my best is not acceptable: this means I can justify my

behaviour. I can only do it or not and if I fail I can try to

apolgize if she is able to stay on the phone and not rage, if not

then I guess I cané do anything

>

> 3. I am not allowed tot alk to grand about her or anything that

ahppens at home

>

> 4. I am resposnsible for taking grand to church becasue it is

something she can not do ehrself, that may mean I will have to

babysit every Sunday. She did ask if I would agree to that and I

did. Hopefully grand will have some positive influences in ehr life

although I did take my own kids and look at how she turned out.

>

> 5. I am not to judge her work. She sees it as a service. it is not

adultery because the client walks through the door. Adultery would

be if she tried to pick him up knowing he was married

>

> 6. I am not to try and get guardianship becasue she would be

terrified that if I got tired of grand I would dump her just like I

dumped dgter when the going gets rough. Again, no sense of

responsibility, that Is ent ehr to erh dAd's and then the group home

becasue of ehr behaviour not because she was little miss charming.

>

> So then she proceeded to tell me that while she was living here a

few weeks ago I apparently gave grand a piece of paper to write on

and on the back was a page from my journal she of course would never

read my jouranl but I had now put this paper into the public domain

and she was really hurt by it and that was why she left. The paper

ahd my life story and several times I ahd written and " she goes on

and on, nothing ever changes " It sit rue I wrote this, I do not

beleive I gave it to grand and of course she read it out of context,

anyway she is realy in pain becasue I ahve nothing good to say about

her. All of you know that story and of course then the rage again

and it isa ll my fault because I put her in a group home.

>

> anyway, I hung up and the phone said 58 min and 42 seconds, my arm

was numb and I was in shock. How did she know I had statred the

guardianship, how was I ever to be so epfect. anyway I called my

friend, dumped it out and went to bed.

>

> Friday I saw the new psychologist and I am totlayy pleased. he

specializes in BPD so he could understadn me and ehar me. He agrees

I am doing a great job and that I need support so we will meet

monthly, that is all I can afford right now, and he will help me

process and see if I am coping. The best news though is that there

is DBT program in Calgary. The person in charge was trained by

Marsha Lineham. I ahve the info and I will call Monday to see what

the process is and then find a time to approach dgter with the

inforamtion. When she was with me she did ask for info and all I

could find was addictions stuff. this psych told me that would help

but it doesn't give coping skill after the person is sober, it

teaches how to stay sober which is great but not enough for BPD's,

they need tools to fucntion and that is what dbt offers.

>

> I was to meet her and grand, somehow she twisted the times so i

really got raged at, even grand is feeling that. Seh asks me

sometimes why her Mom yells at me. I tell ehr that ehr Mom has a lot

of stress and soemtimes just gets angry, that she needs to find ways

of coping and we are wroking on that togetehr.

>

> Grand slept over and tody we went downtonw, it is Calgary sTampede

and this city is great for free activities, pancake breaksfasts,

horses, parades, Indian dancing, and on adn on. It is really excitng

so we spent the morning doing that and then just chilled for the

afternoon. She ahs gone hoem now, I am going over alter to sleep so

dgter can be on call but I can leave first thing as there is an othe

babysitter organized.

>

> I'll let you all know waht I find out about this program. Have a

great Sudnay

>

> Elaine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sell on Yahoo! Auctions - No fees. Bid on great items.

>

July 10, 2005

Elaine--

Kudos to you for pressing in and working on getting guardianship.

It sounds like your bp is being so totally unrealistic. It was

amazing to read your post and know that she actually believed that

stuff.

But, you're getting to spend time with your grand, so that's good.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, especially as it gets closer

to the court date.

Dot