some good stuff

[Guest guest]

I feel sometimes I have so much negative going on that I do

need to share some real positive stuff happening. I spent a

few peaceful days with my husband with some quality time.

It was just quiet and nice. Nothing more, nothing less. Nice.

And that is good.

Yesterday, I was happy, and surprised that a fellow came from

a homecare supply place with a beautiful red rollator for me. I

feel a bit odd receiving one, as in some ways, and many days,

I don't feel I need one, however, lately that is not the case. With

the balance issues being present, the electric shocks and numbness

in feet, legs and hands, it does feel I could sure use it. I also spent

Thursday in reflection that I do in fact have MS. And you all may

think, well, what the heck.But-It was truly the first time in the over 2

yrs since I've been dx'd that it really sunk in and I seemed to not

'fight' it, but seemed to accept it. I allowed myself to sit with the fatigue;

the symptoms instead of rush around and try to escape them! I said to

myself--it is ok you have MS--you DON'T have to feel guilty. You didn't

ask for this. It was as if I FORGAVE myself for having it! FINALLY!

I don't know if anyone knows what I am speaking about, but for me, this

was a real milestone, and not something I could have had someone even

describe to me--it was something I had to uncover myself. Maybe it seems

an obvious thing, but it was not obvious at all to me. It has been a process.

I'm glad I'm where I'm at right now. Part of how I arrived here is the anger

I felt at my neuro the other day--I was so angry that he just didn't have that

'quick fix'; that ready answer for me. I wanted him to have a heart for me,

more compassion, more....some THING for me. I think that was a piece of

how I landed where I am now. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I'm here. Especially

with all of you. love, kate