Re: I love you all

January 1, 2008

Kate I wish there was something I could do or so. You know you are in our prayers as always.

The odd feelings you are having could be withdrawl symptoms. Check with your dr. Good luck with the job.

Hugs

nne

Hey you guys....you are all the best. I love you so much. It is very discouraging

around here, but I'm trying to keep my head above water. The relationships

are broken, (with dad and kids) but mine are fairly intact...at least so far.

Cassy just called me! Oh, Cassy, what a love you are! I've been worried sick

about you, and you called to see how I WAS!

You are each gems in my life; sparkling, twinkling, amazing treasured gems!

It is hard to hold on, but with friends like you, you each make it easier. It

is more challenging last wk and this, when instead of my 2 sessions per wk.

I see my therapist, I see him only once-last Friday, and this Friday. Then,

at our last session, he said that my insurance has only been paying for once

a wk--so we are waiting to see if they come forward with the rest, or I'll have

to pay the difference, and then it will have to be only once a wk. I can see him.

I don't have the financial resources to see him more.

I am trying to figure out what job I would be best suited for. Something that I

enjoy is childcare, and there is this health club only about 3 miles away that I

could possibly work in the nursery--I may have mentioned it before. Now that

the kids are going back to school, and I see how much our finances need to increase-

not that I'd make that much there, but it would at least help with the groceries. So,

I think I may be looking into that as soon as tomorrow or Thursday.

Have any of you had the experience of feeling restless; feeling as though you are

crawling out of your own skin; and/or an unnatural and odd feeling. Like I just

don't feel myself. I wonder if it could be from withdrawal from various meds.

I am tapering off the tegretol and the TN pain is raging something fierce right

now. I like the idea of getting off of it, but wonder if this is making me feel so

weird. The pain is rather horrific. Those of you with TN I know can relate. It is

in my eye and cheek. Like an ice pick--stabbing, pins and needles, prickly, crawly-

well you know the 'drill'! lol. it's bad.

love you all, sweet dreams, kate

We can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

-- Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.htmlAnxiety Depression and Breast Cancer

http://health.group.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comCheck out my other ornaments at

www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com

January 2, 2008

(((Kate)))

How are you going to go back to work??? You live in constant pain my dear, not just physically but mentally? Are you going to be able to handle that adjustment? I'm not trying to say that you aren't strong enough to handle it because Lord knows I think you are one of the strongest people I've ever met!!! You have so much going on in your life right now, I would just hate to see you take on something else right now and add to your stress.

Have you tried to apply for SSDI? It seems to me that you would definately qualify. Do you have enough hours worked to collect? Even if you are turned down the first time, which most people are in our great state of NY, you can appeal. That's where I am right now. I think they send out blanket denials to weed out the people who are just scamming from the people who truly need it. The ones who really need it are the ones who appeal. If you haven't tried, please do.

As far as feeling like you're crawling out of your own skin, I feel like that almost every day. I feel like I've lost myself, the person I was, used to be. I ask myself alot, what happened to ME, where has Peggy gone, this is not who I was, who I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be. When did this happen. It's like I fell asleep and when I woke up I woke up to this!!! Like it's some cruel cosmic joke, like I was plucked up by someone and just dropped into another life with look alike players and they are all in on it.

Sometimes I just sit and look all around at my surroundings and thing that everything I'm looking at looks like it's mine and so it MUST be and then I think of how my life used to be and think it must be some kind of nightmare and I'm sure to wake up soon. It's a harsh reality.

The holidays are a very hard time for a lot of people. The winter months alone bring that seasonal depression on. Everything outside is dead, dormant, not living, cold, grey, people aren't jolly or in "the spirit", it's the opposite. Most people are mean and rude. At least around here. I myself would skip Winter all together, let me decorate a palm tree!!! The lack of sunshine plays a huge role on peoples mood. I know when the temp goes up to at least 40 my mood goes up with it.

It's hard when you are already depressed and you have troubles at home. It's worse when you blame yourself for those troubles. STOP!!!! You are not to blame for every problem that comes along. Your hubby CHOOSES to drink, you don't put the glass in his hand and pour it for him. That isn't supporting you. If he were supporting you, you would feel better about yourself and blame yourself less, your kids would see that and not blame you or make you feel like you are a bad mother. You are a wonderful mother and a fabulous person. They are learning their behavior from him and from your reaction to his behavior. You need to stop allowing him to get away with it. You are better than that. You deserve more. You deserve better. Life is too short to live unhappy.

If there is one thing I learned from my Mom's death it's that. You are here one day and can be gone the next. If you live unhappy for too long and do nothing about it and die that way you have nobody to blame but yourself. You have a chance every day to change your life, to make it better, to be truly happy. It may be hard and difficult at first, but nothing worth having is ever easy. You need to think what your kids are learning by staying where you are. This is a new year, a chance to start over, to change things, to make them better. Sometimes a good hard slap in the face is all it takes to scare somebody into reality. Maybe that's what your hubby needs. I know when and I were having troubles that's what it took for him. He didn't hear me, wouldn't listen, couldn't care less. I threw his butt out. He heard that!!!! There is a huge difference between listening to someone and hearing what they are saying!!!

I hate to hear you put yourself down and blame yourself for all them problems in your life. Nobody creates all the problems in a marriage, ever. Each person brings problems to a marriage and each person has to help to solve them. If he doesn't want to own up to his part of the problems then it's not going to be fixable. You shouldering all the blame is only making you sicker, and that is not helping any of you.

I'm here for you, any time, day or night, you know that. I'm not trying to attack your husband or your kids, but you have to stop attacking yourself, start believing that you are worthy and good and loved. If you don't believe it, they won't. Rise up, Kate!!!! We are all standing behind you!!!

Much love

Peggy

>> Hey you guys....you are all the best. I love you so much. It is very discouraging> around here, but I'm trying to keep my head above water. The relationships> are broken, (with dad and kids) but mine are fairly intact...at least so far.> Cassy just called me! Oh, Cassy, what a love you are! I've been worried sick> about you, and you called to see how I WAS! > You are each gems in my life; sparkling, twinkling, amazing treasured gems!> It is hard to hold on, but with friends like you, you each make it easier. It> is more challenging last wk and this, when instead of my 2 sessions per wk.> I see my therapist, I see him only once-last Friday, and this Friday. Then,> at our last session, he said that my insurance has only been paying for once> a wk--so we are waiting to see if they come forward with the rest, or I'll have> to pay the difference, and then it will have to be only once a wk. I can see him.> I don't have the financial resources to see him more.> > I am trying to figure out what job I would be best suited for. Something that I> enjoy is childcare, and there is this health club only about 3 miles away that I> could possibly work in the nursery--I may have mentioned it before. Now that> the kids are going back to school, and I see how much our finances need to increase-> not that I'd make that much there, but it would at least help with the groceries. So,> I think I may be looking into that as soon as tomorrow or Thursday.> Have any of you had the experience of feeling restless; feeling as though you are> crawling out of your own skin; and/or an unnatural and odd feeling. Like I just > don't feel myself. I wonder if it could be from withdrawal from various meds.> I am tapering off the tegretol and the TN pain is raging something fierce right> now. I like the idea of getting off of it, but wonder if this is making me feel so> weird. The pain is rather horrific. Those of you with TN I know can relate. It is> in my eye and cheek. Like an ice pick--stabbing, pins and needles, prickly, crawly-> well you know the 'drill'! lol. it's bad.> love you all, sweet dreams, kate> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > We can only be said to be alive in those moments> when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.> ~Thornton Wilder>

January 2, 2008

Awesome post. Hugs Akiba -- Re: I love you all (((Kate))) How are you going to go back to work??? You live in constant pain my dear, not just physically but mentally? Are you going to be able to handle that adjustment? I'm not trying to say that you aren't strong enough to handle it because Lord knows I think you are one of the strongest people I've ever met!!! You have so much going on in your life right now, I would just hate to see you take on something else right now and add to your stress. Have you tried to apply for SSDI? It seems to me that you would definately qualify. Do you have enough hours worked to collect? Even if you are turned down the first time, which most people are in our great state of NY, you can appeal. That's where I am right now. I think they send out blanket denials to weed out the people who are just scamming from the people who truly need it. The ones who really need it are the ones who appeal. If you haven't tried, please do. As far as feeling like you're crawling out of your own skin, I feel like that almost every day. I feel like I've lost myself, the person I was, used to be. I ask myself alot, what happened to ME, where has Peggy gone, this is not who I was, who I wanted to be, where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be. When did this happen. It's like I fell asleep and when I woke up I woke up to this!!! Like it's some cruel cosmic joke, like I was plucked up by someone and just dropped into another life with look alike players and they are all in on it. Sometimes I just sit and look all around at my surroundings and thing that everything I'm looking at looks like it's mine and so it MUST be and then I think of how my life used to be and think it must be some kind of nightmare and I'm sure to wake up soon. It's a harsh reality. The holidays are a very hard time for a lot of people. The winter months alone bring that seasonal depression on. Everything outside is dead, dormant, not living, cold, grey, people aren't jolly or in "the spirit", it's the opposite. Most people are mean and rude. At least around here. I myself would skip Winter all together, let me decorate a palm tree!!! The lack of sunshine plays a huge role on peoples mood. I know when the temp goes up to at least 40 my mood goes up with it. It's hard when you are already depressed and you have troubles at home. It's worse when you blame yourself for those troubles. STOP!!!! You are not to blame for every problem that comes along. Your hubby CHOOSES to drink, you don't put the glass in his hand and pour it for him. That isn't supporting you. If he were supporting you, you would feel better about yourself and blame yourself less, your kids would see that and not blame you or make you feel like you are a bad mother. You are a wonderful mother and a fabulous person. They are learning their behavior from him and from your reaction to his behavior. You need to stop allowing him to get away with it. You are better than that. You deserve more. You deserve better. Life is too short to live unhappy. If there is one thing I learned from my Mom's death it's that. You are here one day and can be gone the next. If you live unhappy for too long and do nothing about it and die that way you have nobody to blame but yourself. You have a chance every day to change your life, to make it better, to be truly happy. It may be hard and difficult at first, but nothing worth having is ever easy. You need to think what your kids are learning by staying where you are. This is a new year, a chance to start over, to change things, to make them better. Sometimes a good hard slap in the face is all it takes to scare somebody into reality. Maybe that's what your hubby needs. I know when and I were having troubles that's what it took for him. He didn't hear me, wouldn't listen, couldn't care less. I threw his butt out. He heard that!!!! There is a huge difference between listening to someone and hearing what they are saying!!! I hate to hear you put yourself down and blame yourself for all them problems in your life. Nobody creates all the problems in a marriage, ever. Each person brings problems to a marriage and each person has to help to solve them. If he doesn't want to own up to his part of the problems then it's not going to be fixable. You shouldering all the blame is only making you sicker, and that is not helping any of you. I'm here for you, any time, day or night, you know that. I'm not trying to attack your husband or your kids, but you have to stop attacking yourself, start believing that you are worthy and good and loved. If you don't believe it, they won't. Rise up, Kate!!!! We are all standing behind you!!! Much love Peggy >> Hey you guys....you are all the best. I love you so much. It is very discouraging> around here, but I'm trying to keep my head above water. The relationships> are broken, (with dad and kids) but mine are fairly intact...at least so far.> Cassy just called me! Oh, Cassy, what a love you are! I've been worried sick> about you, and you called to see how I WAS! > You are each gems in my life; sparkling, twinkling, amazing treasured gems!> It is hard to hold on, but with friends like you, you each make it easier. It> is more challenging last wk and this, when instead of my 2 sessions per wk.> I see my therapist, I see him only once-last Friday, and this Friday. Then,> at our last session, he said that my insurance has only been paying for once> a wk--so we are waiting to see if they come forward with the rest, or I'll have> to pay the difference, and then it will have to be only once a wk. I can see him.> I don't have the financial resources to see him more.> > I am trying to figure out what job I would be best suited for. Something that I> enjoy is childcare, and there is this health club only about 3 miles away that I> could possibly work in the nursery--I may have mentioned it before. Now that> the kids are going back to school, and I see how much our finances need to increase-> not that I'd make that much there, but it would at least help with the groceries. So,> I think I may be looking into that as soon as tomorrow or Thursday.> Have any of you had the experience of feeling restless; feeling as though you are> crawling out of your own skin; and/or an unnatural and odd feeling. Like I just > don't feel myself. I wonder if it could be from withdrawal from various meds.> I am tapering off the tegretol and the TN pain is raging something fierc e right> now. I like the idea of getting off of it, but wonder if this is making me feel so> weird. The pain is rather horrific. Those of you with TN I know can relate. It is> in my eye and cheek. Like an ice pick--stabbing, pins and needles, prickly, crawly-> well you know the 'drill'! lol. it's bad.> love you all, sweet dreams, kate> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > We can only be said to be alive in those moments> when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.> ~Thornton Wilder>

January 2, 2008

Peggy...thanks...I will just hit on a few things here.

I need $. Badly. I just filled out an application for

the nursery at the NY Sports club nearby. They have

openings for 9am to 12 noon. Not much pay-$7/hr

I think it is, but I wrote that I wanted to try and get

$8 to $10...we'll see.

I am in pain. alot of pain. I'm trying to stay off the meds

so I can function, so, yes, pain. I think it just might be

a good distraction. If I could hold a baby or toddler, and

play with them, soothe them whilst their mom is working

out in an aerobics class...I just love cuddlin' a baby! Maybe

it would make me feel better. I don't know. I'll never know

unless I try.

Hey, thanks for the lovely, amazing card and special note

I appreciate it very much.

Time to go nap before kids get home from school. I started

a nice big pot of chili if would like to come here for

dinner... let him know--chili's on! I'm not too bad a cook

either. Love you, Kate

ps--I only have 17 work credits-need 20 to qualify, or min.

of 20 to qualify for disability, and the other type, we own

our own home, no mortgage, so we have too many assets

for the other type . Thanks for the thoughts, my friend.