Re: I'm in a different kind of chronic pain

[Guest guest]

Marta:

Take a look at the first four letters of my Gmail email user name. That should

give you a clue of what classic TV show that I love.

I have been a fan of Star Trek since 1972. There are no Star Trek fan

clubs in Fresno. I know. I have looked for them and have come up empty.

I love photography. I do not own a camera of any kind.

Several people have told me to take classes at Fresno State University. Nice

idea. No can do because that campus is GIGANTIC!! I do not have a wheelchair or

power chair to help me get around on that campus. I live about 15 minutes from

the campus.

Chris

> Marta wrote:

> What do you enjoy? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like Star Trek? Star Wars?

Sci-Fi? Photography? GO to this link

http://www.fresno.gov/Visitors/ThingsToDo/Default.htm There is a list of things

to do in Fresno.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl:

I have a friend that lives near Atlantic City, NJ. I call him every

day.

The only way that I can contact my other Internet friends is by email.

I do not have their phone numbers. It would not be a problem for me to call

them. I have unlimited nationwide long distance.

Chris

> Cheryl wrote:

> Why are you waiting for people to call you? If you want help, here's my

advice: Be the person who makes the calls.

[Guest guest]

I have been there and still am in few times. I have my sons and husband to talk

to but that is all. None of my " friends " want to come over anymore. They

stopped coming over when I lost the use of my legs and was stuck in a

wheelchair. I could not babysit while they went partying every weekend anymore.

I could not be the designated driver either. I found out the hard way that those

who I thought

were good friends were not. The only true friend I have is my hubby.

All the rest are gone and even though I still send them Christmas cards and

other holiday cards we have yet to hear from them at all. My hubby asked me why

did i send them cards when i knew they wouldn't respond old him in any way. I

told him that I do it to remind them that I am still alive and kicking

I was taught to always be nice no matter what What you send out comes back at

you times three. I have every right to feel mad about all the stuff that has

happened to me, but I do not. I do not only say I am a Wiccan I live it in

every moment. I have since the day my great grandmother passed it on to me. I

still have days at timers when I do feel like want to leave this life but then

I do my meditations

and my rituals. I feel more connected and calm and can do what needs to be done.

All you have to do is believe in something. It does not matter what you believe

in the point is to believe in something.

Gentle hugs,

Ms.Katurah

> Lori wrote:

> I know loneliness.

> I know empty.

> I know hollow.

> I know dark.

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

You are going to have to self talk to your self and step forward finding a group

you are interested in. Talk to your Doctors about getting involved in a support

group that can help you and you have such a personality, you can help them.

This can come from the agencies we discussed when everyone gets back after the

holidays.

I did not have a good holidays either, I have not friends, just some people who

like to call and use me and I have to watch that as I find myself being taken

advantage of and I cannot afford to be

in toxic relationships.

You need to define you interests and maybe see whats going on with people who

are also interested, Star Trekkers, would be a start. Do not be so hard on your

self and just be yourself.

Loneliness can talk you into things that are not true! Start saying you are a

good friend and reinforcing that. Self Talk is a great enforcer. So I am

curious what you find out.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

> Lori wrote:

> I know loneliness.

> I know empty.

> I know hollow.

> I know dark.

All:

I need to add:

Because I know loneliness, I have friends.

Because I know empty, I enjoy full more than most people.

I know hollow, because I do, I understand when things are not hollow but full

and how they are supposed to.

I know dark, because I do and have lived with a very dark and evil person, I

have known light and the support of pulling me out of the dark and showing me

the light is always there, I just have to

reach for it and seek it.

One of my favorites songs by the Byrds " To Everything There is a Season " and

words taken from the scripture, I appreciate them more. It is scary to reach

out to people but the ones worth knowing will not mind helping you. We must

help each other and I hope others find the Friends they need to support them.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

Ah I know how you feel. I do not have any friends thanks to my ex husband.

They took his side with his lies. So I am lonely as well. I do have my kids but

when they are with their dad it is very lonely. I do talk to my birds but sadly

they do not talk back. If you ever want to talk I am always here for you. Do

not think you are alone because you are not.

x

> wrote:

> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

[Guest guest]

This time of year brings out the empty lonely feelings so much.

I have had a Migraine since before new years eve and it still has not gone

completely away. Maybe that was my safety valve for withstanding it all. I

mostly slept for several days, awakening every few hours, feeling worse than the

prior hours, and with no meds taking effect (I took all the imitrex allowed). I

had to wait it out and today the pain is almost gone even if the other effects

like sensitivity to light/sound and nausea are still here. I cannot push myself

to clean up the colossal mess in my house from these days in bed but I can

start.

Happy new year to all!

a

> Lori wrote:

> I know loneliness.

> I know empty.

> I know hollow.

> I know dark.

[Guest guest]

That is amazing, Bennie. So well written! Just beautiful.

> Bennie wrote:

> Because I know loneliness, I have friends.

> Because I know empty, I enjoy full more than most people.

> I know hollow, because I do, I understand when things are not hollow but full

and how they are supposed to.

> I know dark, because I do and have lived with a very dark and evil person, I

have known light and the support of pulling me out of the dark and showing me

the light is always there, I just have to

reach for it and seek it.

[Guest guest]

Dear Chris:

Maybe you could check out a nearby church.  I know that you mentioned trouble

with your bishop, but there are many other denominations that you could try.  It

would be a way to meet people and also a way that you might be able to get help

in the future if you have another desperate moment like you had Christmas. 

Sometimes you have to take the initiative.  You be the one to call.  If you

don't have their numbers, ask for them the next time you e-mail.  I know it can

be hard to call.  I struggle with making that first move, too.  But I force

myself and then usually really enjoy the conversation. 

Maybe try to re-connect with family.  Try to get past differences.  Time is

precious and passes so quickly. 

Hang in there!

- PA

H. wrote:

I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

loneliness.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

Thank you for articulating my thoughts so beautifully! This can be a difficult

challenge to accept with the kind of chronic pain we all suffer but the rewards

will be well worth the investment of time and caring towards others.

Happy New Year.

~Carol

>Cheryl in AZ wrote to Chris:

Why are you waiting for people to call you? If you want help, here's my

advice: Be the person who makes the calls.

But even more importantly, when you get them on the phone, ask them about

their lives, how they're doing, what's new for them, and then *listen.* Talk

about new movies or TV shows or books or what's in the news - provide

interesting conversation and whatever you do, do NOT talk about yourself or your

pain.

If they ask about your health, have an easy answer ready and then change the

topic, don't assume it's an opening to tell them everything - we've talked a lot

on this list about ways to answer that question that don't turn people off,

because they really aren't interested in hearing all the gory details. Something

like " I'm still hanging in here! " or " Things could be better, could be worse! "

If we want conversation, we have to give it. If we want support, we have to be

willing to give it too. If all we really want is someone to listen to our

complaints, there are therapists for that.

If you make the effort to call a different long-distant friend every day, and

be prepared with some great conversation about things other than your own

situation, you'll feel better not only because you're getting contact with the

outside world but because you're taking control of your own happiness, rather

than sitting back and waiting for someone else to make you happy.

[Guest guest]

H. wrote:

> I love photography. I do not own a camera of any kind.

> Several people have told me to take classes at Fresno State University. Nice

idea. No can do because that campus is GIGANTIC!! I do not have a wheelchair or

power chair to help me get around on that campus. I live about 15 minutes from

the campus.

There are great How to websites and About.com is one of them and You Tube is

great for videos that show you how to do something so don't limit yourself.

As I said, with your limited mobility, you need to have your Doctor put in for a

wheelchair or even electric wheelchair.

No more excuses until you ask your Doctor and your personal assistant about

getting a wheelchair ! Our group really cares and we won't let you feel sorry

for yourself or if you do your pity parties will be limited for certain periods

of times : )

Lyndi has beaten me with a wet noodle for using the word alot, a lot (private

joke). Lyndi is a stickler for spelling words correctly and I spelled a lot as

alot, but I only do it out of love not that I know it bothers her.: )

I typed in Fans of Star Trek, Fresno,California and there are many hits, here

are a few hits below.

Star Trek Nautilus

STN@...

www.startreknautilus.com

www.myspace.com/fresnostartrekclub -

Bennie

Moderator Note: - Get a camera though Freecycle and if your doctor can't

get you a wheelchair, then get one through a charity such as St. de

or whatever one is in your neighbourhood. Neither thing is a biggy, if you take

the time to ask. There are a thousand " cans " for every " can't. " No point in

making mountains out of molehills.

[Guest guest]

Lori wrote:

> That is amazing, Bennie. So well written! Just beautiful.

Lori,

Thank you, it is from the heart and I knew I could share here without being

judged. I read a book once that said you cannot be depressed when you are doing

something for someone else, but with pain that is very hard to do.

I chose to assist in writing grants for dog rescue groups and knowing I am

helping gives me purpose. As someone says, this group is our " friends in a box "

and I have met some really outstanding people here. I appreciate the compliment

so much and you made my day, Lori. Bennie