RE: Depression, Pain, And Things Are Not Always As They Appear

[Guest guest]

, Marta wrote:

> The BEST thing I ever did for the loneliness was get the depression treated. I

found that it wasn’t really the being alone, it was the depression that made the

loneliness seem SO bad. If you’re not depressed, you might find you LIKE

spending time alone, because at least the company is good. But when you’re

depressed, anything remotely negative, even if it’s something small, are blown

WAY out of proportion.

>

Marta,

You said it so well, there are always resources. They may not be what you think

but will meet your needs. I also researched on the internet and found several

answers to questions being asked.

The point is that you have to step out and contact the people who can help you.

I agree that Depression places you in a place you just want to pull the covers

over you head and do nothing. Depression is a strange disease that it will

attacking you and has a kindling effect that if you don't get it treated, each

time it re occurs worse. Thank you for sharing this and the importance of our

Mental Health.

Also, do not post you phone number on group along with what Marta was saying.

Enjoying being a victum is called " learned helplessness " and has to be treated

and the person learn to do for himself. That is why I posted the

information I was able to get very easily by typing in assistance etc. So that

person has the phone numbers, the services, and a personel assistant that is

supposed to do these thigs.

When my husband went out of town and my son was with his girlfriend, I got

Chinese Delivery and Pizza and those were my meals for several days. Another

forum I used to be a member, another member asked is someone would send her meds

until hers were shipped. This is a big NO NO.

Marta, I consider you a great " Friend in the Box " and I didn't have to pay a

dollar in the slot to be your friend. Bennie

[Guest guest]

Thanks Benny, I consider you a " Friend in a box " too, LOL. I'd never heard

of " learned helplessness " , but it's a good term. You have to be very

careful to avoid trying to " save " people, because many of them do NOT want

to be " saved " , they just want someone to feed their victim-ness. If you want

a drink of water, and there is a glass of water on the table two feet

away, you COULD sit in your chair and complain that you are thirsty, that

you want some water, that you haven't had water in hours, .that the

water would be so good, and in depression, it may seem like you just CAN'T

reach over there and get the water, because it's just TOO much.

But eventually, you have to lean over and get the water, because it's not

goingto magically fly to you. There are SO MANY resources available that if you

can't find any help (even if it's not exactly what you need) then you're not

looking.

Depression puts blinkers on us. We can only see how bad things are. Those

blinkers hide all the positive things about our lives, ourselves, and everything

else. All we can see with those on is how bad we have it, how much we hurt, how

lonely our lives are or how alone we are (two DIFFERENT THINGS).

BUT, once you remove those blinkers, we are amazed at how many

positives were there, all along, we just couldn't see them. To help

people, I've literally spent FIVE minutes, and ONE Google search. And

gotten a ton of information about things that were claimed to have NONE of. We

just have to reach out and see what's out there.

Please don't think I'm downgrading the lives we chronic pain people

face, I'm not. There are days I can't get out of bed, that every step is pure

torture, that just walking to the bathroom is agony. I know the pain when you

hear others having fun and you're locked in your bed (or your body)and miserable

and when it seems that nobody gives a crap about you.

Those feelings are depression, and natural when you live with pain as we do,

when pain becomes another part of your being, a separate entity that you become

very familiar with. It's easier to lay in bed and cry, telling anyone who will

listen that no one cares, nothing matters, there is nothing to live for, BUT,

there is. We each just have to find it.

There comes a point when we have to realize that " reasons " have become

" excuses. "

Marta

[Guest guest]

What you say is all very true. Once I started to explore what options were

available to me and kept trying for the help I needed, I started to feel more in

charge, more powerful.

Helping ourselves is often contrary to old habits if you've been the caregiver,

it's hard to say " I need help and put that effort into putting ourselves

first " .

It was a chat group for one of my illnesses that gave me the courage to change

my old behaviors.

I'm forever grateful for those people and the people here who care just as much

about me.

Jennette

________________________________

But eventually, you have to lean over and get the water, because it's not

goingto magically fly to you. There are SO MANY resources available that if you

can't find any help (even if it's not exactly what you need) then you're not

looking.

D

[Guest guest]

Marta wrote:

> Thanks Bennie, I consider you a " Friend in a box " too, LOL. I'd never heard

> of " learned helplessness " , but it's a good term. You have to be very

> careful to avoid trying to " save " people, because many of them do NOT want

> to be " saved " , they just want someone to feed their victim-ness. I

There comes a point when we have to realize that " reasons " have become

" excuses. "

Marta,

I think that when the resources that help are presented and the person does not

use them but continues to complain, they need to seek counseling. One thing I

have learned on my pain journey is to research on the internet and there is a

wealth of knowledge out there.

Wipedia has a great article speaking about " learned helplessness "

Learned helplessness, as a technical term in animal psychology and related human

psychology, means a condition of a human being or an animal in which it has

learned to behave helplessly, even when the opportunity is restored for it to

help itself by avoiding an unpleasant or harmful circumstance to which it has

been subjected. Learned helplessness theory is the view that clinical depression

and related mental illnesses result from a perceived absence of control over the

outcome of a situation.[1]

I dealt with this quite a bit on a psych ward when patients would insist there

was " no way " they could do something simple. It is amazing when you get them to

get their shoes on and walk, they lose the contol over others to help them so

sometimes they do not want to be helped, but just want attention, which is not

healthy attention.

I have to avoid this also as I worked with emotionally disturbed students and I

have had to seperate my self from toxic relationships that take away from me. I

have to remind myself I am not helping them by reinforcing their negative

habits. I have some continued relationships with some of them and they call me

for help and that is the only time they do and this is not right.

I remember how emotionally painful my divorce was even though my ex was abusive,

I felt I had failed. When asking the couseler " How long will this hurt ? " He

said, " As long as you let it "

It was as a light came on and I went forward leaving those memories behind and I

can truly say, I do not think of them at all, so healing does occur and I was

not a victum anymore.

You have made some good points and as pain patients we have to advocate for

ourselves and learn all we can about our conditions and the treatments and by

doing so, we avoid that feeling of not having any control of out life. Bennie

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Bennie wrote:

> You have made some good points and as pain patients we have to advocate for

ourselves and learn all we can about our conditions and the treatments and by

doing so, we avoid that feeling of not having any control of out life.

Bennie,

AMEN! Which is why, when I go back to the doctor that does the injections on

the 10th, I am going to ask him to PLEASE use the Lumbar Sympathetic Block,

instead of trying different blocks. The LSB WORKED. It gave me 15 hours of PURE

PAIN ELIMINATION and even when the pain came back, it was less. Even my regular

doctor cannot understand why he felt the need to try something DIFFERENT if the

first one helped. The second procedure was a FAIL. Not only didn't it help, but

I swear it caused MORE pain.

Then Feb 7, I meet the neurosurgeon who will be doing the Stim trial. Now THAT I

am nervous about. BUT, despite being told by the PM doctor that does the

injections that a Pain Pump would not help my RSD, I am going to ask the

neurosurgeon as well.

Marta