It's just not fair

[Guest guest]

Sissi, I can appreciate how frustrating and exhausting it must be to

waken to mayhem on a regular basis. It does seem to me that you all

might benefit from Boone being able to have his own room with a door

that could be locked. Until very recently has always had his

own room with a door that we could lock from the outside, and until

we moved into this house his room was rather barren. When he was

five it was void of all but the basic essentials: dresser, bed,

beloved blanket and dinosaur. had to be contained or no one

slept. If they did sleep we woke to destruction. I think Gail was

four when she broke the steel frame on her bed so her mattress and

box spring sat on the floor for a couple of years. I still have no

earthly idea how she managed to literally crack a steel frame at only

four years of age.

If you are dealing with depression then improving Boone's nighttime

management will improve your sleep and help you also. Keep hanging

in there Sissi.

[Guest guest]

The older he gets, the more obvious it becomes how different he really is from

everyone else.

The pacing and that thing he does with his arms, he sort of twists them around

each other as he constantly paces. Most of the time he walks on the outside

soles of his feet. It looks like he's got some sort of muscular disease, but

he's perfectly healthy because he can walk normally too.

It didn't look so unusual when he was a toddler -- or even a preschooler. But

now ...

How can he be sooooo smart and still be so severely autistic? I guess I have

fooled myself again. I always make myself think he'll end up being higher

functioning than they say because he is so damned smart.

Then when it hits me -- when I realize they're right, that they were always

right. I can't handle it. The way they all looked at me with such pity when I

tried to tell them they were wrong.

Dammit it's not fair. It's not fair that he has this amazing mind and he's still

so ... disabled.

He's not like other kids. He's not even like other autistic kids. He's not like

anyone.

I am a mess. I can barely function. When I get up in the morning and see the

destruction that went on while we were asleep, I can't deal with it. He gets up

at night and tears up the house. The utensils are out on the floor in weird

clock and fan patterns. Every thing he can reach is on the floor, usually

broken.

He's destroyed two TVs, two VCRs, A DVD player, my bed, the bunk beds in his

room and a lot of other things.

What am I supposed to do? I can't tie him down at night. I can't keep the door

locked because he shares a room with Dillon. He doesn't even sleep in the room

since he broke the bunk beds anyway -- I guess because we took the beds out. How

in the hell does a 5YO kid break bunk beds anyway???

My life is so completely out of control that I just don't know if I can handle

it.

What am I supposed to do?

Sissi