family problems

[Guest guest]

Wow so there's a few of us in this situation. I had this same problem from my

dad for 30 years, that's how long it took me to get out with being so ill,

putting me down, taking the pi's out of me, nothing ever good enough even when i

did extremely well, the more i achieved the worse he got. I was prisoner in my

room just to keep out of his way, then i was prisoner in my room for the best

part of ten years because of the migraines and M.E.

I was bedridden for 2 years, paralyzed with the agony, lying in my own urine and

vomit in a pitch black room. It took him 6 months to notice. A few years later,

he said; 'i wondered what the smell was'! I felt like saying yeah it was just

your daughter decomposing and going through the worst hell a human can imagine

for 2 years, not

to worry eh?!

So at age 30, I finally snapped, mentally snapped, i fantasized about crawling

to the landing and pushing him down the stairs, so i knew i had to get out. We

had a massive argument and i told him to FU*K OFF!!! He said the same to me and

i left, being homeless was preferable. I waited a long time to say that.

I've now had my own place for the last 3 years and its bliss, if I'm ill i can

lie on the floor anywhere i want for 8 hours if I'm paralyzed and not have to

worry about HIM coming home and getting annoyed because I'm in his way.

Anyway, my mam still visits me twice a week and the strangest thing happened,

she started doing to me what dad always did, putting me down and picking on

everything i do. Not as extreme but enough to leave me feeling upset every time

she went back home. I pulled her up about it and she's not as bad now but she

often slips back into doing it and i don't allow anyone to put me down now, i

don't care who they are. There's no need for it.

I've spent the last 3 years being able to love myself for who i am, agony and

all without constantly being chipped away at by any nastiness or hatred being

spat at me and it took a lot of work.

Parents! Made me who i am today. But no further input required thank you! I'm

happier on my own ta very much :-)

Love,

Rach xxx

[Guest guest]

((((((Rach)))))) there is no excuse for anyone to be treated the way you were!!!

Sadly creating a life does not mean someone is a parent. Some people just don't

know/can't parent. It is the children that suffer.

too often we continue to judge ourselves based on the feed back of our parents

and then others. You are right that we have to learn to love ourselves.

Lots of gentle hugs, Tami

--- Rae wrote:

>

> Wow so there's a few of us in this situation. I had this same problem from my

dad for 30 years, that's how long it took me to get out with being so ill,

putting me down, taking the pi's out of me, nothing ever good enough even when i

did extremely well, the more i achieved the worse he got. I was prisoner in my

room just to keep out of his way, then i was prisoner in my room for the best

part of ten years because of the migraines and M.E.

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for the replies :-) i think it seems quite a common thread

between many of us sadly. i hated myself while living at home those 30 years and

hated myself for being ill and a 'waste of life' as i was called, but luckily i

always knew it wasn't 'me' who hated myself and just the effect of the sheer

neglect and hatred focused on me.

I'm really talented, clever and achieved some amazing things despite the

struggle and immense suffering from the illnesses and the weight of parents

trying to keep me on the bottom relentlessly.

I know my dad was jealous of me and any small thing i achieved and this is

what kept me going to do more whenever i was physically able to.

I've been all over the world on my own, often crawling on my hands and knees

in youth hostels when ill, living with tribesmen around the globe trying their

remedies, always looking for that elusive cure. Ive seen the grand canyon, the

great wall of china, ayers rock, the great barrier reef, the kalahari desert,

the acropolis to name just a few, all on my own.

Ive bungee jumped, skydived, climbed mountains, hang glided jumped off

bridges on a line (all because i'm terrified of heights)

I've walked across the UK from one side to the other 180 miles for my own

charities, sleeping rough along the way. Often collapsing on the side of the

road when my heart played up or my joints and muscles screamed to a halt.

I've sold my own oil paintings and poetry that i sell for charity. Made books

of my travels and long walks.

I've studied quantum physics with home study from uni, and cardiology and

neurology so i could be expert to a degree on my own illnesses. Often landing

myself in hospital just to get one course finished.

And its probably all thanks to living with that man, known as dad. Knowing

every time i ticked something else off my bucket list it would annoy him that

little bit more because it would make him look more bitter and ridiculous every

time he called me a useless waste of space, just because i'm ill; and i no

longer had to believe him because i proved many times over to myself that i'm

not.

We are not our illnesses, we are so much more than that because of our

illnesses. We're strong even during our weakest hours and mentally stronger than

most even when we arent fully aware of it. Yes love and support from parents

would have been nice during the bleakest of times but i'm not responsible for

their bad behaviour, i'm only responsible for what i become as a result of that

:-)

Sending all my love,

Rach xxxx

[Guest guest]

Wow Rach, what a perfect way to describe us! You are a fantastic example of

what we can accomplish. We are not defined by our illness. No one can define

us. We define ourselves.

thank you so much for sharing.

Lots of gentle loving hugs,

Tami

--- Rach wrote:

> We are not our illnesses, we are so much more than that because of our

illnesses. We're strong even during our weakest hours and mentally stronger than

most even when we aren't fully aware of it. Yes love and support from parents

would have been nice during the bleakest of times but I'm not responsible for

their bad behavior, I'm only responsible for what i become as a result of that

:-)