Re: What about sex?

[Guest guest]

Tia wrote:

> My husband has DDD with chronic pain 24/7. He has a spinal cord stimulator,

which helps but he doesn't like the feeling of it so uses it sparingly. The

only other way he manages the pain is with morphine. Neither takes away the

pain completely, they just make it manageable.

>

> I think we've had sex maybe 4 times in the last 2 years. I understand his

lack of interest, between the pain and the meds, but I'm still healthy and young

(49).

>

> But I feel like my desire for sex is so trivial compared to what he goes

through every day that I just try not to think about it. I've tried everything

I can think of to stimulate him, but nothing worked so I've given up.

> Is it possible for men with his condition to have a sex life? If so, what can

I do to spark his interest? If not, well, it would be best if I just know that.

Tia,

I believe that pain patients also have low hormone levels and deficits. Your

husband needs to have his testosterone level checked and the meds do not enhance

libido. Depression is a part of the process and lowers libido and Wellbutrin, an

anti-depressant increases libido.

You husband needs to keep a pain diary and see if he can get his pain down more.

I don't think it is intentional and the meds are sedating.

I don't know if you go with him to his Doctor or he feels comfortable talking to

his Doctor but I would call his Doctor and ask these questions.

This is one of the reasons some of the pain management Doctors require you got

to a therapist so these issues can be discussed.

This is something that can be addressed there as I don't know his level of pain

or problems.

You certainly are not being trivial and your concern is what I have also and

feel the same way and I am the pain patient so you are not alone.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

I think we've had sex maybe 4 times in the last 2 years. I understand his lack

of interest, between the pain and the meds, but I'm still healthy and young

(49).

But I feel like my desire for sex is so trivial compared to what he goes through

every day that I just try not to think about it. I've tried everything I can

think of to stimulate him, but nothing worked so I've given up.

Is it possible for men with his condition to have a sex life? If so, what can I

do to spark his interest? If not, well, it would be best if I just know that

Hi

First I know how bad you are hurting right now, but there are several things

that can be done about this problem.

Please arrange for your husband to have a complete physical. We discovered that

type 2 diabetes and coronary artery disease were the causes of my husband's

impotence.

Some medications cause a significant drop in a man's testosterone level too.

Many medications, or even depression can cause a decrease in sex drive.

Once the doctor has ruled out any physical problem, please see a counselor to

sort this out. If for some reason your husband refuses counseling then go for

yourself.

We were able to sort out many things. Our counselor helped us each hear what the

other one was trying to say.

Good luck.

Kaylene

[Guest guest]

Bennie Wrote: " Depression is a part of the process and lowers libido and

Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant increases libido. "

Tia, Hugs! I have been on both sides of this, as a person now hurting all the

time, and as a wife who had a husband very very sick for almost 3 years.

Let me just respond as the wife . What Bennie wrote is very helpful. My

husband and I both have been on Wellbutrin at some point. It increased my libido

(oh if I could just afford the stuff.

I quit my Celexa because it DECREASES my libido and I just can't stand that side

effect, but it's $4 a month and Wellbutrin without insurance is $150 a month- or

was when I took it years ago).

Now it actually caused my husband to be impotent while he was on it! He took it

because it was also prescribed as a med to help people quit smoking, not for

depression at the time, and also he is one of those types that has that 1 in

1,000 side effect listed on every med lol!

Anyway, just keep that in mind if it DOESN'T help. But I highly recommend it. I

gained so much energy amd libido while taking it.

Anyway, when was sick if he DID have a good enough day to be interested,

he was unable. I really do think it was the meds (sedating side effects) the

pain obviously, just being tired and

sick does not make you think about loving on your partner, the situational

depression, etc. His pain doctor had Cialis sample packs (Viagra side effects

for him were nauseating headaches for days after) on hand and that helped.

It is a hurtful thing for the other partner. Even though you know why...it still

hurts.

I am giving you a GIANT hug and encouraging you to go WITH him to

the doctor and bring it up together. They deal with this all the time.

With all the other stresses chronic pain bring into a relationship, it's

important to be vigilant about connecting intimately in every way you can, and

finding out how this can happen. In this day, I do believe that working together

you guys can have that again.

[Guest guest]

Are you addressing sexual intercourse, or sexual play?

When intercourse is impossible, there are other ways to share sexual play.

Have you explored any alternatives?

[Guest guest]

What if the problem is physical and mental? I think I am screwed up in the head

when it comes to sex. I was raised that sex before marriage is a sin and I had

my dad walk in on me " exploring " myself when I was 11 and he made this huge deal

out of it. He ranted and raved for almost an hour and then made me sit in the

living room so that he could say more about it as he thought of it. It was so

humiliating and I think it kind of ruined sex for me. I still have good moments

with my wonderful hubby, but it's always in the back of my mind. And I lived

with my hubby for 6 months before we got married so there went the sex before

marriage thing. I just would never have guessed it would mess with my mind like

that.

Shell

>Diva wrote:

Are you addressing sexual intercourse, or sexual play?

When intercourse is impossible, there are other ways to share sexual play.

Have you explored any alternatives?

[Guest guest]

You people are wonderful! thank you SO much for all the info and advice; I am

certainly taking it all to heart!