Re: Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm new to this group - I just joined today. After reading your post, I had to

look to see if you outside my window peeking in and writing my story. We have

much in common, particularly our feelings. I am really tired tonight and am

going to go to bed now, but I promise to respond tomorrow. In the mean time,

know that you have a new friend who not only understands, but lives your life

too.

Talk with you soon,

Joanne

> wrote:

 

>I really am just trying to keep it together here with my family. I feel so

frustrated.

[Guest guest]

OMG, I think you have my family! When my kids were still living home, I had to

search their rooms everyday for dirty dishes and glasses. I had found dishes

that were growing beards.

Now it my hubby and me plus 2 cats and a puppy. I have been on disability for 3

years. He helps out but most of time not more that he did before. I have just

learned to let most things go till I can get to them.

Believe me my house is dusty and not always straightened up. but I just stopped

caring most of the time. It takes too much energy to get mad everyday about

things I can not change. I figure I have trained my hubby the best I can after

32 years of marriage. (His mother did everything for him and his sisters).

I still get pissed sometimes and speak up. It works for a little while. I try

to remember the serenity poem. lol

You are not alone believe me! Lots of gentle hugs, Tami

> wrote:

> I really am just trying to keep it together here with my family. I feel so

frustrated. I've had plenty of time since I fell to get used to not everything

being done, but heck they've had plenty of time to know what I need help with. I

find it to be such a smack in my face when day after day I find more messes. I'm

not even asking anyone to do EXTRA work- just common courtesy things like

dishes-sink. Clothes- washer.

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> Anyway this is all very whiny. I just don't feel comfy discussing home

frustrations with anybody so I'm doing it here instead, lol. I don't know who

else would understand.

>

,

It's called venting and it is allowed : ) How about leaving clothes on the

bathroom floor when the hamper is two steps away or tapping your tooth brush on

the side of the sink sending splats of tooth paste all over the mirror that has

to be cleaned daily (by me) when you can just wash it out through running water,

then take it and roll it in a towel instead of tapping it where I can hear it.

Really, also, how many times can a man drop a piece of soap in the bathtube

sending cannon ball sounds throughout the bedroom while taking a shower even if

you have body wash. Then leaving the soap on the shower shelf when there is a

wire basket to put it in to drain without it sticking to the shower stall and

causing more " soap scum " cleaning.

How loud can flossing you teeth, each " click sound " sounding like a door opening

each time as you go through each and every tooth and then twice.

Lastly, your sinus irrigation with salt water that is left all over the bathroom

cabinents, sounds like the gagging is causing a need for a Himelach maneaver

from me in the bed trying to sleep.

Do I say anything? Or do I remind myself this man gets up every morning at five

am to support his family and I can put up with some stuff but then it is so easy

NOT to do these things.

Then to come down to eggs and sauage smeel (you know that greasy smell) when I

am fighting nausea from med.

Then to be in the bathroom, trying to expel something from my constipated colon

with two dogs watching, sitting like two gargyles on a building, and you knock

loudly on the door, " Whatcha doing " And I want to answer " Fixing to try to dig

poop from my colon if I don't poop " but I am polite through the gas pain cramps

and say " Be out in a minute " when you haven't sought me out to talk the whole

day. So, do I understand, Yes, I just wrote a little, but , we all

experience it.

Do they not understand each thing I have to BEND to pick up, I put pressure on

two rods and screws holding my back together and this feat is easy for them or I

can do a " frog leg " pick up which is " so lady like "

Just vent away and take care of yourself. They do not fully realize we cannot

do what they do easily and if we do, we pay for it one way or another. There are

many of time I have counted my break thru meds or saved some for a day I could

go out and go to a movie or shop or run errands.

Bennie

,

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the smile Joanne! I know we're all dealing with new ways of getting

through this kind of stuff (family included), I'm so thankful to be able to talk

to some kind ppl who understand. hugs

--- Joanne Brunetti wrote:

>

>> I'm new to this group - I just joined today. After reading your post, I had

to

> look to see if you outside my window peeking in and writing my story.

[Guest guest]

Tami, I lol'ed at the trained husband part! My husband is truly WONDERFUL

compared to many in this department, but not only did his mom not make HIM pick

up, she didn't either, so it took some adjusting as we grew up in homes with

VERY different ideas of what clean was, lol.

I walk in a room & it's like every dirty dish glows green to me- he doesn't even

SEE them! ROFL. I loved cleaning my home, I took alot of pride in it, so it just

sucks. But even when it makes me angry, it still sucks afterwards, so I vent

when needed & move forward.

I have always had my kids clean up behind themselves. From the time they could

walk they put their own dishes in the sink, for example (we had many thrown

away, but that's part of it). They still do that after meals- but if they get a

drink, for example, and it ends up in their room, well who knows when it will

come out. Maybe when it grows legs and WALKS out, lol.

I've really been thinking about it this week being laid up with a kidney

infection with nothing but time, and I think what's important for me is to find

a middle ground and accept (like you said, serenity prayer!) while not okaying

the behavior. Or choose my battles. None of my house is out to get me, they are

just so thoughtless lately!

And I will freely admit, I am controlling of my environment. I don't like other

ppl cooking in my kitchen, and it isn't done right unless I do it, kwim? So when

they DO IT, I try to accept the effort. I'm trying. I have definetly learned to

accept a new idea of what clean is- or at least I thought I had. I guess it's

normal to just feel like you need to click sometimes? I hope so!

After I posted this I got sicker & finally ended up in the e.r. Sunday morning

(I've been 3 times in 15 years- 2 while pregnant, 1 where the hospital where I

fell took me back to x-ray, so it takes alot to get me in there) with this

kidney infection, and I must say I was really proud of the family. Chris

(husband) really was considerate. He came home early Friday (kind of early- he

was supposed to work late but didn't when he saw how ill I was) and didn't go to

the overtime on Saturday. That meant alot to me because I was so frustrated with

him working such long hours. And while the house was a disaster, it would have

been far worse if he hadn't done his best to keep it at a minimum.

I know that me being incapable of doing all I did takes adjusting on their part

too, some days I just wish they'd adjust already! LOL.

Well I had needed to vent and I felt much better, thanks yall for letting me

just lose my mind on here!

> Believe me my house is dusty and not always straightened up. but I just

stopped caring most of the time. It takes too much energy to get mad everyday

about things I can not change. I figure I have trained my hubby the best I can

after 32 years of marriage. (His mother did everything for him and his

sisters).

[Guest guest]

Bennie,

I nodded my head through that whole post, lol! Yes, just the simple things- and

like you said, when to say something and when to accept they work their tails

off?

Who knows what the right thing is. I do wonder why I say anything (nag) about

that stuff when I know he must surely have it built in his brain to keep doing

it! LOL.

If I don't say anything, I end up frustrated, but I am gonna keep on praying for

peace on these types of things.

--- Bennie wrote:

>

>>

> It's called venting and it is allowed

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>

> Who knows what the right thing is. I do wonder why I say anything (nag) about

that stuff when I know he must surely have it built in his brain to keep doing

it! LOL.

>

> If I don't say anything, I end up frustrated, but I am gonna keep on praying

for peace on these types of things.

,

I went to counseling and the counselor (years ago) said when speaking to a male

you have to tell him if you are just venting or this is a fix it or not fix it

(just venting ) before your request or babbling.

So, before I start my ramblings to my family, I say this is a fix it situation

and they know they need to physically do something, otherwise it is just

venting.

I never mind listening to venting as I could relate and I just smile as I read

ventings as I know I have been there or could relate.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

Hi Joanne,

I'm new here too and struggle with alot of the same issues you do.

I have Fibro and have tried Cymbalta with no relief. Instead, I

had a horrible reaction to it with severe RLS and agitation like i was going to

jump out of my body.

I have severe osteoarthritis all over. I have had on total knee replacement, and

am having the other one done in August.  Now, i have severe headaches and ear

pain.  Also, bursitis

in my hip from the knee pain, and fatigue.

The pain will just drain you dry.  I have no energy at all. God only knows how I

make it to work everyday. I just collapse when i get home.

I am taking Tramadol, Etodalac and Tylenol for pain.  I'm a nurse and cannot

take narcotics, and the doctors are hestitant to prescribe them now, since I

really need them to work when i have my TKR in August.

Anyway, you are understood and there seems to be alot of support here.  I have a

great husband, but I am sure he gets tired of hearing about

all my pain. I think he gets frutstrated because he can't fix it.

All the best

Joanne wrote:

I'm new to this group - I just joined today.

[Guest guest]

> Merlich wrote:

> I'm new here too and struggle with alot of the same issues you do.

> Joanne wrote:

> I'm new to this group - I just joined today.

Welcome and Joanne. I also have bursitis and when I got it I thought,

" Boy, I don't need this new pain " .

I have fibro also and the Cymbalta caused me leg pain which is listed as a side

effect and I got off it.

I wonder, , if the Tramadol in extended release would help you. With all

the pain you are experiencing, I wonder if you could work half days it would

help you prepare for your total knee replacement coming up as you sound like you

have a lot of uncontrolled pain.

I also have a good husband and I think they are frustrated as they feel helpless

that they can't make it go away, just as I feel when he is sick.

I used to go out at lunch when I worked and lie down in my car so I could get

some pain relief and I just couldn't do it anymore and am on disability now.

I hope you both find the support you need here as this is a great group and they

will encourage you any way they can. bennie