Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 Marta, I'm so very sorry that you lived such a horrible childhood while living with your mother. For sure, the pain we have now reflects the stress of a terrible, abusive childhood, at least partly to blame for our immune systems malfunctions. These are words I believe in also. Jennette Marta wrote: I know, it's easier said than done, but holding anger, resentment, pain, any negative emotion is not going to hurt the person who hurt or upsets you. it's only going to hurt yourself. If you can't forgive that person, at least let the anger go, because negative emotions can make pain worse. Those people have hurt us enough in the past, we don't need to let them continue to hurt us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 > Marta wrote: > Because, she said, she wants to be half as good a mother as her mom > was, since that will mean she would be better than anyone else, even at half. >It still makes me tear up. Marta, I am glad your daughter recognized you and it does make life better when we can be " edified " . That is why I always liked this group as you could write what you wanted and members listened and lifted you up and wished you well. I didn't have a good life, lived with a lot of criticism and spent my life " improving myself " pursuing two Masters, a military career (ended up as officer) and a medical career but my Dad still would not say I had done well, He is 92 and I end up being a caregiver for him with the pain I deal with. You are so right as " toxic situations " can make your pain worse and encouraging others in family and other situations is the best way to reduce stress. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from the situation, hard with family, but thanks for sharing so much. Bennie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 26, 2011 Report Share Posted May 26, 2011 (((((((((Marta)))))) Well written! No child deserves such a hateful mother. I am glad you were able to move above that and be such a wonderful mother to your daughter. I lost my mom also fairly young. I was 37 (she was only 67 1/2). I still miss her terriblely. But somehow I know she is never far away. I believe she has seen all the joys and frustrations of my mothering. She has seen her grandson play in the Jr State Championship for baseball. She knows that she has 4 greatchildren and another on the way. My truly unconditional love was my grandfather. I was so lucky to have him in my life till he was almost 90. I hold my memories of my childhood visits with him. I share my memories with my children and keep both my mother and grandfather alive that way. I think everyone comes out of childhood with baggage. For some it is more obvious. But you show the strength to move beyond the dysfunction. To understand that just because a person becomes a biological parent does not make them a nuturing one. We have learned to survive. Even though it seems we have been handed an weight, I think we step up to the plate and are prepared to hit it out of the ballpark. Lots of hugs, Tami --- " Marta " wrote: > > I know a lot of us had bad or abusive childhoods, and that may be one of the > things that has predisposed us to this kind of pain. > > My family life wasn't great either, for a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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