Re: Marriage counseling and pain

[Guest guest]

Hi -

You asked " How do I find a therapist who.... " and listed several concerns.

The only way to find a counselor that " fits " with your needs is to interview

them. It may take seeing one, or it may take seeing 10, until you find the one

that helps.

You might ask your pain doctor or your local hospital to recommend psychologists

with particular expertise in chronic pain management specifically.

You might also make sure to find a therapist with experience in Cognitive

Behavioral Therapy - that's a technique that focuses on finding ways to cope

with what you're dealing with at the moment, rather than looking back through

your life to blame your current situation on psychological dysfunction from your

past. The way my parents raised me did NOT cause my pain! An accident did - so

I don't need a therapist to help me " deal with my parent issues. " I need a

therapist who can teach me productive ways to cope with pain and the depression

it causes. CBT is very helpful in that respect.

Other than that, you just have to try them out and see how they work for you.

It took me three tries to find one that I liked and who was knowledgeable and

helpful.

Go on your own at first until you're certain that it's helping, and then invite

your husband into your sessions if you and your therapist agree it would be

helpful. Don't start out with your husband in the room until you're sure you've

got the " right " therapist.

Good luck and don't give up - the right counselor can make a huge difference,

but not all of them are created equal. You need to treat it like hiring an

employee - you don't take the first one through the door. You interview several

and pick the best one for you!

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

Be prepared that well-trained, highly recommended, well-educated therapists

might also think you're just lazy. I've experienced several who said that. It is

unsettling.

Cheryl wrote:

You might also make sure to find a therapist with experience in Cognitive

Behavioral Therapy - that's a technique that focuses on finding ways to cope

with what you're dealing with at the moment, rather than looking back through

your life to blame your current situation on psychological dysfunction from your

past. The way my parents raised me did NOT cause my pain! An accident did - so

I don't need a therapist to help me " deal with my parent issues. " I need a

therapist who can teach me productive ways to cope with pain and the depression

it causes. CBT is very helpful in that respect.

[Guest guest]

--- wrote:

>No doubt my depression affects my husband.  I try to be positive, yet

his untreated depression and negativity impede my recovery.  He does not

want to be more positive because (in his mind) nothing would change. 

He would still have a job he hates and a sick wife.

Hi

I have bipolar disorder, and have seen many counselors/therapists over the

years. I have fired two, and a few doctors too.

I was almost always depressed, not manic, so it took a long time to find the

correct diagnosis and treatment. I only say this because I know how exhausting

depression is, and adding that to chronic pain is hard.

The best counselors I have had were actually social workers, not psychologists.

Many counselors have websites now with information, so that will help you in

your interview process.

Follow Cheryl's excellent suggestions, but never forget that you can fire any

doctor, counselor etc. 

Please let us know how you are coming along. We care about you.

Kaylene

[Guest guest]

If I see more than one counselor until I find the right one, my husband

will interpret that as " She is never happy unless someone tells her what

she wants to hear. "   (Trying out therapists without his knowledge would

be terribly stressful.  If I kept this from him and he started to come

to counseling, I would be terribly stressed that the counselor would let

it slip that I'd already been there.)

Hi

Look the counselors up online to see about their practices. They basically all

have websites now, and this will give you some idea.  Just google counselor

and the community you live in and no doubt several should pop up.

Mention to your husband that you want to get the right counselor, so if you see

one that you know right away that you can't work with, then you won't see her

again.

Try not to over think some of this. Go for yourself now, and deal with the rest

as time goes by.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl wrote:

> Hi -

> You might also make sure to find a therapist with experience in Cognitive

Behavioral Therapy - that's a technique that focuses on finding ways to cope

with what you're dealing with at the moment, rather than looking back through

your life to blame your current situation on psychological dysfunction from your

past. The way my parents raised me did NOT cause my pain! An accident did - so

I don't need a therapist to help me " deal with my parent issues. " I need a

therapist who can teach me productive ways to cope with pain and the depression

it causes. CBT is very helpful in that respect.

room until you're sure you've got the " right " therapist.

> , Cheryl,

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is taught to all therapists, is discussed in

psychology classes for nurses and others in the medical, counseling and other

fields.

So some psychologists have specialized in it as others specialize in what they

belief to be most important. I found this site

http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm

National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists. Cognitive-Behavioral

Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes the important role of

thinking in how we feel and what we do.

This therapy is just using techniques as others do that are effective that make

you look inward and if what you are really thinking is true.

This is why I like Glasser's Reality Therapy. This course of therapy

makes you learn if what you are really true such as " Everyone hates me " . Well,

no everyone doesn't hate you as the whole world doesn't even know you ! "

While researching for examples, I found Funny Farm .com and almost laughed my

butt off. It gives examples of cognitive techniques and funny responses and

blogs.

Worth a look, Check it out. The first website of the National Association of

Cogiative Behavior Therapists, lists their therapists and locations.

Most therapist practice these techniques.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

(((((()))))))

I am am glad things are better in the marital relationship. I am also glad you

have a resource if you need to go in that direction in the future. it is stress

for our spouses to see us in pain. My husband has said many times that he

wishes there was more he could do for me. I assure him that just the fact that

I know he cares helps.

I will keep positive thoughts that things will continue to be better for you and

yours.

Lots of gentle hugs, Tami

wrote:

UPDATE: I posted a couple weeks ago about the problems my husband and I have. I

went to the doctor, and got the name of a counseling place. For now, I will

keep their names filed away. Currently, things are somewhat reasonable between

us.