Re: Having issues with my family not understanding why or how I have chronic pain.

[Guest guest]

It's a darn shame we can't choose our family members like we do our friends. I

no longer have contact with family, other than my own children, who, by the way

have issues among themselves.

We all live pretty far apart, too far for more than a monthly visit but turns

out we see each other a very few times a year.

I wish I could afford the drive to visit my granddaughters more though. As it

is, I get the once in awhile call to babysit overnight and I so do cherish that

time with them.

Hang in there, you aren't alone,

Jennette

> alostwolf62 wrote:

> None of my family including her stayed at the hospital with me and she dared

to negate my pain saying I was healed and should be thankful.

[Guest guest]

Sister for sale. I, too, have a sister for sale.

Rarely do the members of the same family grow up under the same roof.

~ Bach.

Pay attention to those new people who are placed in your path.

It's a paradigm shift--it takes time, but in the end, pure relief!

Ellen-Hangin in

> alostwolf62

> None of my family including her stayed at the hospital with me and she dared

to negate my pain saying I was healed and should be thankful.

[Guest guest]

> alostwolf62 wrote:

> Of course God has blessed me with life but healed? Where on earth did she get

that from? I told her since she hasn't been around me for the last 17 years even

though she lived next door how could she know me? Her loss not mine!

All,

The key word you said was " drinking " . You Sister, sounds like my Sister, is self

centered. She cannot accept you as disabled and wants you to be whole and do

the things you did before, like helping her, probably.

I have lent my Sister money to get her from being arrested for forged checks,

called her long distance, helped her daughter get her SS when she got sick, and

assisted caring for my Dad.

I even took pictures of the crushed car with the front grill crushed to the

steering wheel and they still don't get it. I took them my x-ray films showing

the rods, cages, and long screws in my back and they still don't get it.

My Dad, two Sisters never call me and ask me how I am doing as they know it is

not well. They don't even call to say, " Thinking of you and love you " .

I do this all the time but you have to take care of myself and not worry about

them, I need the energy to help me. I hope the best for you and just know, you

are not alone. Bennie

[Guest guest]

alostwolf62 wrote:

> My dear sister just posted to my facebook that I broke my leg and finger. LOL

That's so funny because I was hit head on by a drunk driver.

Why don't you " unfriend " her? You have enough to deal with, without

having to read nonsense like that.

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Being in pain all the time is horrible, but feeling alone, or worse, having

your pain minimized is (in my opinion) worse. Having people say " it can't

be that bad...my (fill in the blank) has the same thing and she works, goes

to clubs and works out 7 days a week....you must have a low pain

threshold. " I wish people would at least try to understand (including

doctors) but they don't...and if they don't want to see it, no " clothespin "

or " spoon " in the world is going to make them see.

Marta

>A Lost Wolf 62 wrote:

>I don't demand love or help like they all do. I made it through that hell

and am doing just fine without them all! Funny how my friends knew all these

things about me but none of my family? Family seems to expect me to help but

never expect them to be there if you need it.

>As I told her I don't feel sorry for myself because that is self defeating.

I do however tell it like it is and am in constant pain daily. Her response

was to tell me she prays for me! Told her I pray for the whole family.

[Guest guest]

--- a lost wolf 62 wrote:

>

> My dear sister just posted to my facebook that I broke my leg and finger. LOL

That's so funny because I was hit head on by a drunk driver.

> In actual fact my injuries were extensive. Head injuries with 47+ stitches in

my face alone.

>

> My eyes were cut up from the glass blinding me for over a week until they

healed.

>

> My left clavicle was in pieces and had to be put back together with a metal

plate.

>

> My index finger was broken and the whole thing was 2 inches shorter because it

was shoved back into my hand.

> I was in a wheelchair for 2 1/2 years and was told I would never walk again.

>

> As I told her I don't feel sorry for myself because that is self defeating. I

do however tell it like it is and am in constant pain daily. Her response was to

tell me she prays for me! Told her I pray for the whole family.

Does anyone want to have my brother in law?, He, too is the same way

he just doesn't get it either.

He said,after I broke my back in several locations, including the cervical

spine. I've got ulna neuropathies, cervical nerve damage,

cervical, thoracic,and lumbar herniations with a spondylolithesis,to

my lumbar spine, several osteophytes (bone spurs) throughout my spinal column.

And the pain that is associated with that serious

nerve damage throughout the spinal cord, several bone spurs are touching the

spinal cord itself.

I,too was told I wouldn't be able to walk again, but I did. It took

one and a half years,but I did it. Funny thing,I only saw him during my rehab

time and not in the hospital where he could have learned

that I will have nerve damage to my entire spinal column, nope wasn't

there for that little tid bit.

I stopped trying to tell him about the nerve damage or the bone

damage. No use talking to a dead horse. Out of 6 siblings and their spouses, he

is the lone hold out about my medical problems. I've got

many others not spinal related, Gloucoma, depression(under control now)PAD,

peripheral artery disease,weak left leg,nerve damage there.

insomnia,bursitis in both shoulders.

nerve in the thoracic that has been burning my chest for years now. I could go

on and on but will shorten this for reasons I don't want to get into right now.

/NY

[Guest guest]

what a horrible experience you have been through! That is not something that

ever leaves you. You learn to give it a place in your mind and body.

Some people react to high anxiety situations by responding with the opposite

reaction. They are unable to cope and use this defense to try and deny their

anxiety. The more you try and break through that, the more they fortify their

defenses.

My therapist gave me a great response to those people; " I sorry you feel that

way " or " I understand that is the way you feel. "

the only thing you can do is attempt to have them recongize that it is their

thinking and not necessarily everyone's.

You know what you feel and what you have gone through. that is your reality.

No one can truely understand how we feel.

I think yoi sound like a very strong person who has overcome major obstacles.

Pat yourself on the pat for that!

Gentle hugs, Tami

---alostwolf62 wrote:

>

> My dear sister just posted to my facebook that I broke my leg and finger. LOL

That's so funny because I was hit head on by a drunk driver.

>

> I don't demand love or help like they all do. I made it through that hell and

am doing just fine without them all! Funny how my friends knew all these things

about me but none of my family? Family seems to expect me to help but never

expect them to be there if you need it.

>

> As I told her I don't feel sorry for myself because that is self defeating. I

do however tell it like it is and am in constant pain daily. Her response was to

tell me she prays for me! Told her I pray for the whole family.

[Guest guest]

Lyndi wrote to A Lost Wolf 62 about Face book comments:

> Why don't you " unfriend " her? You have enough to deal with, without having to

read nonsense like that.

I agree. I got my Facebook account hacked into even though I had strong privacy

settings. My great friend wanted me to go on there but people have replied to

posts I do not know and some really rude remarks have been made to me.

I had a religious friend who I like and she is in a fanatical group and I just

replied to a scripture that had been posted by their group and I got two replies

stating I was an Anti Christ and they were the chosen groups to bring in people

for the rapture and those who do to believe will not go and I was blasphemous.

I have a degree from a theological College and took classes in the Old and New

Testament and do not like the Bible misquoted as there are naive people that

won't read it for themselves or research what is said, and get involved with

these cults.

After that, I blocked everyone I didn't want to converse with and even though

you have limited friend, their friends get involved and I don't care to read

about the problems. I am closing my account as soon as my rescue group does

some things I need to know about.

Beware of some of the games they offer, the Truth game I was not a member but

they hacked into it and the list had negative words about me from friends I know

would never say what this game said my friends thought of me. I contacted all my

friends and they said No and then when I researched this game on the internet,

there was an alert that they hack into accounts.

I just wanted to let you know that you can delete all these apps that are on

your account that friends send and get involved like Farmville, Pets, Truth

game,

card games etc. You will get request from everyone.

I had to pay ten dollars to see who sent the information on the Truth game and

then contacted those persons that their names were being posted negative remarks

against me. They were livid that their names were used and pulled from my

account. Be careful with these applications.

Well, just had to share that and I got my ten dollars back by contacting paypal

with the information. I did not appreciate using my time to do this.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

Facebook can be a goddess-send for people who are in pain a lot, and not

able to get out much. I've rarely had any problems, if someone says

something about me, I respond, good or bad....and you can delete people at

any time. You can also set your facebook to ONLY see/receive replies from

your friends. Facebook has become a major part of a lot of lives, personal

and professional. Some of the " games " are bad, sure...but many are great

ways to pass the time. There is a game called Pet Tales that is a

wonderful way to have fun without concentration.

My family and friends are all on Facebook and we send each other messages

that way. I even re-connected with my best friend in High School through

Facebook. If you had a bad experience, I'm sorry...but there are ways

to fix and prevent the situation you found yourself in and still enjoy the

social interaction.

Marta

Lyndi wrote to A Lost Wolf 62 about Face book comments:

> Why don't you " unfriend " her? You have enough to deal with, without having to

read nonsense like that.

[Guest guest]

Yes I live in pain 24/7 and found that the internet was a way to keep in contact

with people and also have met some others in the same position I am, and we chat

about how our day is going.

It dosn`t stop the pain but helps as you can let your feelings out to someone

else that knows what you are going through, and understands how you feel, To

share with others is a great way to get the stress and depression out a bit.

Marta wrote:

Facebook can be a goddess-send for people who are in pain a lot, and not

able to get out much. I've rarely had any problems, if someone says

something about me, I respond, good or bad....and you can delete people at

any time.

[Guest guest]

> alostwolf62 wrote:

> > My dear sister just posted to my facebook that I broke my leg and finger.

LOL That's so funny because I was hit head on by a drunk driver.

Lyndi wrote:

> Why don't you " unfriend " her? You have enough to deal with, without

> having to read nonsense like that.

I would Lyndi, but Facebook is the only way I keep up with any of them. If

something happened to my Mom or Dad I am sure it would be on Facebook before

they ever think to call or text me.

[Guest guest]

> Beware of some of the games they offer, the Truth game I was not a member but

they hacked into it and the list had negative words about me from friends I know

would never say what this game said my friends thought of me. I contacted all my

friends and they said No and then when I researched this game on the internet,

> there was an alert that they hack into accounts.

>

Bennie wrote:

> I had to pay ten dollars to see who sent the information on the Truth game and

then contacted those persons that their names were being posted negative remarks

against me. They were livid that their names were used and pulled from my

account. Be careful with these applications.

Thanks Bennie. I have been hacked on there too, but it was when everyone was a

few months ago. I do play games and have made a lot of friends on there. I can

keep up with my kids and grandkids through Facebook.

In a way she did me a favor with her " smart " reply because I was able to set a

few things straight. LOL She hasn't contacted me again. They are all jealous and

mad at me because I moved to the coast to get away from their drama.

She live next door and never visited or called me. When any of the family

visited her they went right past my house and never stopped. I was strong and

did things for them all before the wreck.

Now that I can't any more I am of no use to them except for someone to talk

about and put down at their get togethers. They do this in front of my kids and

grandkids who tell me.

Now that I live a block from the ocean they have all asked to come visit! I told

them I don't have enough room! lol

[Guest guest]

> Marta wrote:

> Facebook can be a goddess-send for people who are in pain a lot, and not

> able to get out much. I've rarely had any problems, if someone says

> something about me, I respond, good or bad....and you can delete people at

> any time.

Thank you so much that is exactly how I feel!

[Guest guest]

Tami wrote:

> what a horrible experience you have been through! That is not something that

ever leaves you. You learn to give it a place in your mind and body.

>

> Some people react to high anxiety situations by responding with the opposite

reaction. They are unable to cope and use this defense to try and deny their

anxiety. The more you try and break through that, the more they fortify their

defenses.

> I think you sound like a very strong person who has overcome major obstacles.

Pat yourself on the pat for that!

Thanks Tami so much gentle hugs back to you and all the happiness your heart and

hands can hold!

[Guest guest]

> Marta wrote:

> I wish people would at least try to understand (including

> doctors) but they don't...and if they don't want to see it, no

> " clothespin " or " spoon " in the world is going to make them see.

Marta,

Unfortunately, they can't understand it unless they experience. They want you

to be the person you used to be just as you probably would like them to be the

people they used to be.

When you are in constant pain it creates somewhat a sine wave like on a machine

and it is constant and it has nothing to do with a threshold. Research states

that maybe the substance P (causes pain and inflammation)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substance_P gets stuck and causes intractable pain

from the injured source.

The sad thing is none of my family wants to learn and adjust to what I need so

they are self centered and I have to accept it. I was a type of person who

helped all of them and they still expect to be that way and I thought they would

be understanding.

I have brought my x-ray reports that show my BAK cages (I have no vertebrae for

three cages), two rods, screws, and misaligned sacral iliac joint, a fractured

Thoracic-9 and my lab reports about my Hashimotos and my Dad who is 92 says I a

just a druggie and could do without my pain medication.

He has been self centered and any time I drive six hours to see him, cook, herd

cows, haul feed, and clean his house, he doesn't mind. If I lie down for six

hours he makes remarks like, " You taking that dope again ? "

He just recently got down with sciatica and he complains so much and I just

don't say anything. He used everyone in his life and lived for himself and

didn't care for others. He can afford to call me on the phone and ask about me

but doesn't, he doesn't say he loves me, I have to say it, I am the executor and

I put 200,000. miles on my car driving to care for him and my Mother who is

deceased.

Try to stay around people who will edify you, Marta, this group has been a life

saver. You know how bad it is and we care about you. Just feel sorry for her.

I even had a Doctors slip I showed stupid people like that. I am so sorry you

have to go through this. I had a very high pain threshold and my Doctor

remembers I would have procedures without pain medicine and you don't have to

prove yourself to anyone. Care for yourself, you are worth it. Bennie

[Guest guest]

> Marta wrote:

> Facebook can be a goddess-send for people who are in pain a lot, and not able

to get out much. I've rarely had any problems, if someone says something about

me, I respond, good or bad . . . and you can delete people at any time.

Marta,

You can send messages if you do not want to post so it is private. Also, a

fellow member told me that she was applying for Social Security and they were

looking at her Facebook account to see what she was posting as if she was

working etc. So I now e mail her privately. Just a message to pass on . Bennie