Re: I'm in a different kind of chronic pain

[Guest guest]

I'm in much the same boat you are. Thank goodness for the Internet.

Pam

Halladay wrote:

>> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

>

[Guest guest]

I know loneliness.

I know empty.

I know hollow.

I know dark.

Paw wrote:

I'm in much the same boat you are. Thank goodness for the Internet.

Halladay wrote:

>> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

>

[Guest guest]

Halladay wrote:

>

> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

> I'm also tired of not receiving phone calls. There have been times when

> I have gone several days between incoming phone calls.

>

> I'm DESPERATE for any and all advice!! Please help me!! Thanks!!

>

>

Why are you waiting for people to call you? If you want help, here's my advice:

Be the person who makes the calls.

But even more importantly, when you get them on the phone, ask them about their

lives, how they're doing, what's new for them, and then *listen.* Talk about new

movies or tv shows or books or what's in the news - provide interesting

conversation and whatever you do, do NOT talk about yourself or your pain.

If they ask about your health, have an easy answer ready and then change the

topic, don't assume it's an opening to tell them everything - we've talked a lot

on this list about ways to answer that question that don't turn people off,

because they really aren't interested in hearing all the gory details.

Something like " I'm still hanging in here! " or " Things could be better, could be

worse! "

If we want conversation, we have to give it. If we want support, we have to be

willing to give it too. If all we really want is someone to listen to our

complaints, there are therapists for that.

If you make the effort to call a different long-distant friend every day, and be

prepared with some great conversation about things other than your own

situation, you'll feel better not only because you're getting contact with the

outside world but because you're taking control of your own happiness, rather

than sitting back and waiting for someone else to make you happy.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

I've felt the pain of Loneliness as well. Except for when I

was about 5-6 years old I've had trouble making friends- a combination

Of Shyness and no self esteem from parental abuse.

That changed when I was 20. I became intrested in reiki- a alternative healing

thing. And started taking classes, I became apart of the community sharing my

gifts, learning and made many wonderful kind friends.

My point to this is, what are you good at?

Passions, Hobbies. Once you have that answer search online for meetup.com . It's

not a dating website, it's a place were like minded folks get together and hang

out. If you have trouble getting out,

I sure do.

Have you tried Skype it's free and it allows you to have

face to face talks with folks.

With phone calls I hear you on that as well, don'nt wait for them to

call you, call them. They may be busy, if so that's ok at least they

know you wanted to chat and will hopefully get back to you soon.

Best of Luck

Peace,

Sent from my iPhone

Halladay wrote:

> I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

> loneliness.

>

[Guest guest]

I have VERY few offline friends though I have my family (sometimes TOO much,

LOL)

When my daughter doesn't come over (like this weekend) I'll never leave the

bedroom except to go to the bathroom or put the dog out and bring them in and

get soda or (occasionally) food. Most of the time, the only call I get on my

phone are bill collectors, wrong numbers and my daughter calling me once a day

or so to see if I'm ok. BUT, I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE. So going days without

a phone call is, for me, a GOOD thing.

When my daughter doesn;t come to my house, I'm alone but I've learned over the

years to appreciate my alone time. I watch what *I* want on TV. I play on the

computer, I can talk to my online friends, email, work on my RPG games, etc.

TO me, the cure for lonliness is to become your own best friend.

BUT, if you really WANT people, the there are several ways to get them...there

are MANY places on the web in which you can join, often for free, and find

others in your area who have similar hobbies, or things that they have in

common. You just have to stop wallowing in your loneliness and look around.

Fresno may not be San Francisco, but it is NOT a small town. It's a city and

there are a LOT of options there for things to do. You just have to LOOK for

them. Trust me, I live in a town with about 2500 people; most do NOT live in

town, but in the country. And this is considered a good size city back here.

Fresno is the fifth largest City in California - it's NOT a small town with

nothing to offer, you just have to find things. What do you enjoy? Do you have

any hobbies? Do you like Star Trek? Star Wars? Sci-Fi? Photography? GO to

this link http://www.fresno.gov/Visitors/ThingsToDo/Default.htm There is a list

of things to do in Fresno.

Trust me, as someone who lives in the middle of NO WHERE there are a LOT of

things to do in Fresno you just have to look around and find something that you

enjoy. And MANY things in Fresno to do are Free, or cheap and there are even

things like the Special Rider on the bus system (we don't HAVE city busses back

here, so be lucky you do) which you can ride for free or cheap and they will

ASSIST you if you're handicapped.

I know it's hard to be depressed and alone, but you HAVE to take the bull

by the horns and DO something about it; just sitting around crying and wishing

things were different will NOT make a change.

Marta

wrote:

I'm in a different kind of chronic pain. It is a pain known as

loneliness.