need moral support bc. I am pulling an all-nighter at the computer to get a presentation done by Wednesday and sitting here makes the pain MUCH worse :-/

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

Basically, the subject states it all. I am working on a ppt presentation

that has to be done by noon on Wednesday. It is now midnight between Monday

night and Tuesday morning. I have until around 10am this (Tuesday) morning,

and then I won't be able to work on it again until between 2-3pm on Tuesday.

Then I will have until 7-8pm before I will be too exhausted to work on it.

Plus I will need lots of sleep that night because I have to be well-rested

in order to be less anxious on Wednesday at noon.

I will be sitting here at my PC for the next 10 hours approximately. I have

already been sitting here since 4pm this afternoon, which was 8 hours ago.

So, 18 hours at the computer is really really bad. Not healthy at all, but I

HAVE to do it because MY REPUTATION DEPENDS ON IT.

This meeting is a HUGE research team meeting with many big, important people

at my university, and my success at this meeting may determine the course of

my entire undergraduate--and possibly graduate--career (and maybe even

longer than that). If I do not have this presentation done in time to

actually present it, then I will look really, REALLY bad.

My research adviser said " I do not want you to worry about this " , but I

think she was referring to actually giving the presentation. I am not so

worried about the actually giving the presentation itself, in front of all

those people (there will be seven besides me, including my research adviser,

plus six other " big " people at the school). My worry is actually having the

power point presentation done and ready to give IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Right now, I have about 10%-20% of the presentation done. Maybe less?? I am

not sure. Much of it I had already done because of a presentation I gave to

my Research Methods class last Fall (2010), so I just copy-pasted it into

this presentation. I just have to tweak (edit) it a little bit because it is

a slightly different topic, plus the slides were way too wordy so I have to

trim it down quite a bit. But then I also have to have my notes prepared,

otherwise I will be flying blind when I present the presentation.

So I have 10 more hours to work on this, plus up to 6 hours tomorrow

(technically today: Tuesday), but how long I can actually work on it

tomorrow depends on how exhausted, in pain, and out of it I feel/am due to

the effects of staying up all night tonight.

Plus, if any of you have heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), then

you may have heard of phototherapy or bright light therapy. Those lights are

commonly called " SAD lamps " , partly as a play on words, because when you

have SAD, you feel sad. Kind of a silly pun, but cute and a little amusing.

But I like to call my light my " happy lamp " instead of my " sad lamp " ,

because it makes me feel happier, not sadder. Just a little more optimistic

is all :-).

SAD lamps' purpose is to make you feel happier during the darker seasons,

because it mimics natural sunlight. But if overused (supposed to use it for

not more than 1 hour per day), then it can cause hypomania, mania, and even

psychosis if used for way too long. Yesterday I had the lamp on for about

6-8 hours. Today (Monday--technically Tuesday, but I still feel like it's

Monday), I've had it on since 3pm, which was 9 hours ago. So, about 16 hours

in a roughly 24-hour period = very unhealthy. I have also had the experience

from last fall semester of becoming borderline psychotic from pulling too

many all-nighters (8-1/2 in one semester, or 16 weeks, to be exact--and

sleep deprivation can also cause hypomania, mania, and psychosis).

So anyway it is on right now and I will leave it on until I leave tomorrow

(Tuesday) for a cookout that my therapy (emotional therapy, not physical

therapy) clinic is having from 11am until 1pm. Then I have an appointment

with my therapist at 1pm immediately following the cookout. Those

appointments usually last from 1-1.5 hours. So, I estimate that I will be

home around 3pm. Okay, so that means that I have 4-5 hours on Tuesday, NOT

the 5-6 that I thought I had....cr@p. Okay, well, whatever, I'll figure it

out. But I NEE#D the light on because it makes me more productive--actually,

it just makes me productive in the first place; without it, I get NOTHING

done.

So anyway, sitting at the PC all this time--8 hours so far today (Monday),

and then until 10am tomorrow (Tuesday) will make it 18 hours total. I am

already in about 4.5-5,5 pain. And the pain ALWAYS gets worse when I pull

all-nighters. I will be in SO MUCH PAIN tomorrow (Tuesday) that it will be

unbelievable...but I HAVE TO DO IT, BECAUSE MY REPUTATION DEPENDS ON IT.

I am very much the perfectionist, and I tend to work much better under

pressure, which is why I procrastinate to the last minute and then have to

pull usually a series of all-nighters (about 2-4 in two weeks) to get the

projects done on time. I pulled a double-all-nighter in Fall 2010 to get a

research paper done by the deadline--that was 48 hours (two days) at my PC

NON-STOP practically. It nearly killed me, and is what caused my neck pain

to begin. I am such a dolt, it is unbelievable. Oh, well. Not trying to get

sympathy, although some empathy from people who have been/are where I am can

feel what I feel intimately.

Anyway, I think that that is good enough for now. I could really use some

moral support throughout the night, perhaps from great list member friends

in Europe who are up at this hour :-) ...seriously, this is going to be a

struggle. But I am D@*NED DETERMINED to get this done. My grade, my

reputation and my life possibly (but not really) DEPEND on it!!!!!!! I WILL

do it, and NOTHING will stop me from achieving my goal.

Well, that is enough disturbed rambling for now. People who know how to cope

with PC-related pain would be nice to hear from. Gentle hugs (so as not to

hurt my back!!! :-) ), plus kind thoughts and support---including wishes for

good luck getting this darn thing done on time so that I actually HAVE

something to present in the first place--would be very nice and welcome

right now.

So, thanks, and good night to people who are actually going to sleep!!! and

good morning to those just waking up. Et cetera and so on...

Love and peace,

e.h.