Re: Faking it.

[Guest guest]

I think we are all in that condition. There is so much pain, yet nothing to see

that I wish I had crutches or a wheelchair. My grown kids don't understand,

either. They are only impressed by the signs of a disability, Cathie

Rick (autoscan) wrote;

I had to stop working a little over 10 years ago because of chronic

Yet, someone looking at me would not guess I was disabled. When you meet people,

they naturally ask what you do. When I answer that I don't work because of a

" bad back " ; I get the " Yeah, right. " look.

[Guest guest]

Rick wrote:

> I had to stop working a little over 10 years ago because of chronic back pain.

It was a big jolt the first time I saw the word, " disabled " , listed under

'Occupation' on a form.

>

> Yet, someone looking at me would not guess I was disabled. When you meet

people, they naturally ask what you do. When I answer that I don't work because

of a " bad back " ; I get the " Yeah, right. " look.

Rick

I agree and the first time I read a post to me that stated " I chose not to work "

I saw red but realized it was the other person's ignorance. I worked until I got

a letter after being on FMLA for three years and they stated I could not come

back to work until I could prove I could do my job descriptions.

Well, guess what, no more sleeping in the car during lunch so I could at least

walk to my room to do my work, go home, go to bed and do it all over. I took

care of a disabled Mother six hours away from Thursday to Monday am drove back

to my job on Tuesday a.m. and this was my teaching internship and I drove thirty

five miles to and back (70 total) two nights a week, and I got beyond

exceptional on my evaluations, something my advisors stated graduate students

never got.

So, I don't tolerate remarks like that and what you have heard. I got approved

first time by the SSI doctors when they saw my MRIs and reports. My older

sister told my Dad I was conning the system and he expected me to do work as I

help with him and executor for him and he has seen my MRI's with the metal and

rods and screws in my back. When I take a muscle relaxant and lie down over four

hours, he says, " All you want to do is take that " dope. " I showed them my

reports, MRI's, and x-rays.

I lost an income of sixty thousand a year with my military reserve pay so I am

not milking the system. You can say you are retired if you want. As far as that

" big fat disability " check, I don't know the ones you are getting but Medicare

makes me pay for my insurance even though I was covered under my husband's

military family plan cheaper but now I pay over a hundred dollars versus the

four hundred dollars a year for a family plan that covered three people. Oh

yeah, the money is just rolling in. If I get any money, my private disability

plan deducts it out as it is income resource.

I am fifty nine this 29th and I hope I make it until sixty as they do not deduct

my reserve pay I will get and I will be " rolling in " more of that BIG MONEY.

People really don't get it and won't until it happens to them and I wouldn't

wish this pain on anyone. You Doctor refuses to let you work is the answer you

tell them. I write disabled and don't care what people think anymore. I did and

it took awhile to get over it but I have to use my energy to fight my pain. So,

just try to look over it. Bennie

[Guest guest]

Hey I know where you are coming from. I had three spinal fusions ans I live with

chronic pain everyday.

Hang in there

Tommy

>Rick (autoscan) wrote:

>I had to stop working a little over 10 years ago because of chronic

Yet, someone looking at me would not guess I was disabled. When you meet people,

they naturally ask what you do.  When I answer that I don't work because of a

" bad back " ; I get the " Yeah, right. " look.

[Guest guest]

I feel the same exact way! I know my father and step-mom just think I am being

lazy and that I really can and should be working! I have been off work over 5

years and these people act like we are getting so huge amount of money! I was in

the nursing field and I can tell you now, I made 3 times what I get on

disability!!! Do people really think I wouldn't rather be working and able to

buy anything I wanted or needed??

I use to do so much and I was able to get my kids what ever they needed without

having to budget every penny!! My dad has boat loads of money and has never

offered me a dime or any help with any of my bills!! I am a single mom of 2 and

I have been paying an almost $500 car payment, I am finally seeing the end of

that! I have 6 payments left! YAY ME!!!!! LOL

I just wanted to let you know, I feel you and all you said!!!!

~ in CA

>Rick wrote:

>Yet, someone looking at me would not guess I was disabled. When

you meet people, they naturally ask what you do. When I answer

that I don't work because of a " bad back " ; I get the " Yeah, right. " look. Yup.

I'm one of those lazy guys, who doesn't want to work and I'm milking the system

look. Even some of my relatives believe I'm running some sort of scam. Ya know,

I'm faking it, and I'm sitting there watching all those big fat disability

checks just roll in.

[Guest guest]

>autoscan wrote:

If I can't go to a family function, because of my pain; it's that

I'm using it as an excuse so I won't have to go. At times, I wished I

had an arm or leg missing; at least I could show people I'm disabled.

But how do you show pain?

I used to think the same thing, that if I had something more visible my family

would be more understanding, but it wouldn't matter.

People are going to think whatever they chose to think.

If anyone asks you, say something very medical sounding about your back, then

immediately change the subject. Ask them how they

are doing, or compliment them on something, just anything to redirect the

conversation.

Folks, rarely mean to be cruel, they can't understand something they have not

personally experienced. It took me a long time to work

this out. I have bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, and now permanent nerve damage

in my upper legs.

Anyway, if anyone is especially difficult, do your best to avoid them. You will

not change them. Surround yourself with people who are friendly,

and come to the pain group for information and empathy. It's okay to have the

occasional vent here too.

There are many online ways to play free games with other people. Find ways to

keep yourself entertained, and ways to make yourself

interesting. Keep up on current events, or music, anything you enjoy.

Kaylene

[Guest guest]

>Kaylene wrote to Rick:

>

> Anyway, if anyone is especially difficult, do your best to avoid them. You

will not change them. Surround yourself with people who are friendly, and come

to the pain group for information and empathy. It's okay to have the occasional

vent here too.

> There are many online ways to play free games with other people. Find ways to

keep yourself entertained, and ways to make yourself

interesting. Keep up on current events, or music, anything you enjoy.

Kaylene,

Remember that song " Nobody says it better " that is what I think about you wrote

to Rick. I can think the thoughts but sometimes ramble when it gets on paper and

you just seem to say it kindly and appropriately. Thank You for being you and

our Moderator also. Pogo.com schelches is my favorite,Scrabble and my animal

rescue group.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

I go through the same thing.  I had an appointment in another city last week and

went with my aunt and her elderly dad.  Both he and I needed scooters at Sam's

Club.  I was the one looked at funny and it made me want to tell people that I

have head to toe RSD along with other issues then explain what they are.  I also

have business cards that say what it is that a friend of mine gave me to give to

people.  She also has RSD but only in her shoulder and arm.  People don't think

that younger people can have health issues but we can.

 

Love,

Becky in NM

From: autoscan_1 wrote:

I had to stop working a little over 10 years ago because of chronic back pain.

At times, I wished I had an arm or leg missing; at least I could show people I'm

disabled. But how do you show pain?

[Guest guest]

What do the cards say? How old are you? You are 100% right, people think

young people can't get sick, but we really can.

Steve M in PA, age 21

Married with 3 year old daughter

Duragesic 300mcg/hr (q48hr)

Actiq-600 (4/day)

OxyIR 30mg (6/day)

Grade II DIPG (Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma)

Fibromyalgia

Probable RSD

> Becky in NM wrote:

> I also have business cards that say what it is that a friend of mine gave me

to give to people. She also has RSD but only in her shoulder and arm.

[Guest guest]

I have been through the same thing and still do. Over the years I have come to

decide 2 things. The first is I don't care anymore if people believe me or not

because I know how I feel. Heck, I live with it everyday!

Second, I don't really care if family thinks I am making excuses not to go to

family functions at times. The truth is that sometimes I don't want to go! Why

should I be miserable just to satisfy some family member(s).

I have spent so much time trying to help others and now everyone expects me to

continue to put them first. Yes it is mostly my fault, but now it is time to

think about myself.

Gentle hugs, Tami

> " autoscan_1 " wrote:

> Yet, someone looking at me would not guess I was disabled. When you meet

people, they naturally ask what you do. When I answer that I don't work because

of a " bad back " ; I get the " Yeah, right. " look. Yup. I'm one of those lazy guys,

who doesn't want to work and I'm milking the system look. Even some of my

relatives believe I'm running some sort of scam. Ya know, I'm faking it, and I'm

sitting there watching all those big fat disability checks just roll in.

[Guest guest]

> wrote:

> I use to do so much and I was able to get my kids what ever they needed

without having to budget every penny!! My dad has boat loads of money and has

never offered me a dime or any help with any of my bills!! I am a single mom of

2 and I have been paying an almost $500 car payment, I am finally seeing the end

of that! I have 6 payments left! YAY ME!!!!! LOL

,

Good for you! I am so proud of you. I also was in Medical Field then to Special

Ed Teaching/Case Management as I couldn't lift and still was in military

reserves which I loved.

They wanted me so much they kept me on a military profile (waiver) until I put

in for retirement but cannot receive my retirement pay for that until I am 60.

My Father is the same way, he has three daughters that could use some financial

assistance but he wouldn't share a dime and he get over seventy thousand a year

in retirements, his land, oil rights, water rights, his Father sold him for one

dollar when his Father died. My Mother cared for him until he died and he was a

mean violent man and my Dad is becoming the same way.

He has a checking account with over six figures in it and tells us he is going

to be so poor since he sold his cows but five because there was no hay. He put

the checks from the sales in my sisters and his names to use as a tax deduction

and my middle sister thinks it means she gets some of the check but he does it

so he doesn't pay more pay more income tax.

He has already made it known that " He is not going to feed any other people and

he is poor " . His expenses consist of two hundred a month with a twenty five

dollar telephone bill and electric bill. He has never owned a credit card, debit

card or other card. I am glad for him and hope he enjoys himself in his lonely

existence and he will readily take things from others, food cooked for him,

errands done for him, my sisters caring for him in the hospital and driving him

and finding him the best specialist. He just finds something negative to say!.

You cannot do the lifting or job tasks in Nursing , it would just make it

worse. I also gave up a job I just completed a second Masters and passed two

national teaching exams and was only able to work in the field three years. I

hope that you get the support for yourself that you and your children deserve

and wish the lotto winning for you (wouldn't that be great). I am happy when I

hear of people who are in dire straits win.

Take care and I also understand what you said. The people who make hurtful

remarks forget we got deductions taken out of our checks for the disability

payments we are receiving.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

I know all about this also....I get lots of people, doctors that have judged me

more times then I care to talk about.....no one knows what having chronic pain

everyday. It has also taught me never to judge anyone unless I have walked in

their shoes....but really, what I try to remember is it only matters what I

think and how I take care of me.....I know inside what I deal with, and hey, if

people think I am faking it, well, what can I do? I agree with what you said,

and chronic pain sometimes doesn't even show up on a xray....or on a MRI....

Hang in there...that is why this group is so helpful....we all know what one

another is going through, or at least we can relate.....take care and have a

great day

> Becky in NM wrote:

I go through the same thing.  I had an appointment in another city last week

and went with my aunt and her elderly dad.  Both he and I needed scooters at

Sam's Club.  I was the one looked at funny and it made me want to tell people

that I have head to toe RSD along with other issues then explain what they

are.  I also have business cards that say what it is that a friend of mine gave

me to give to people.  She also has RSD but only in her shoulder and arm. 

People don't think that younger people can have health issues but we can.

[Guest guest]

Wow I love the card idea! I should have ones made up to say: I am disabled

because of ..... then list all my medical problems. It would save a lot of

explanation and probably shut a lot of people up!

big hugs, Tami

> Becky in NM wrote:

> I also have business cards that say what it is that a friend of mine gave me

to give to people.

[Guest guest]

I feel the same way but they don't understand and I am so sad,

Cathie in Ct

> Tami wrote:

> I have been through the same thing and still do. Over the years I have come

to decide 2 things. The first is I don't care anymore if people believe me or

not because I know how I feel. Heck, I live with it everyday!

[Guest guest]

Hi Bennie,

You are a real sweetie!

It almost sounds like we could have the same dad! LOL

I will never understand them not wanting to help their own kids.

Oh well. I guess we never will understand them.

~ in CA

> Bennie wrote:

> My Father is the same way, he has three daughters that could use some

financial assistance but he wouldn't share a dime

[Guest guest]

My dad is the same way. But he did surprise me when I got sick he loaned me

enough money to pay off my house so that I could make smaller payments to him.

OF course, I still have never heard the end of it. I was only late with a

payment once, by a week, and he has never let me live it down.

With this illness of my husband's right now I had to borrow from my brother and

of course, get the same lecture about paying it back that I got from my dad,

but at least he was willing to help.

I don't understand why some people are so stingy when they can afford to help.

Carolyn Eddy

" Sweet Goat Mama " .

[Guest guest]

I wish I was a million dollar heiress!! It amazes me too. We had a friend who

did inherit millions and had offered to buy us a home and/or many other things.

But AFTER he actually got his money, he became a totally different person.

My husband worked up his courage to ask for $300.00 in a time of desperate need

and he turned him down.

I promise though if someone is looking for a person to leave their millions to,

I WILL share it!!

Calle

> Carolyn wrote:

> I don't understand why some people are so stingy when they can afford to help.

[Guest guest]

When I first heard the expression, " It's none of my business what other people

think of me, " I felt angry and defeated. I no longer have the energy or time to

get wrapped up in trying to please others who are always voicing their opinions.

I hate being compared to other people, especially when it interferes with my own

self-image.

This is especially true about my own loved ones. They tend to compare themselves

with others in order to make themselves feel better. I have been in so much pain

for so long that I have stopped doing that. They cannot understand why I don't

get better, and, to be fair, I cannot understand why they cannot change their

own lifestyles.

> Tami wrote:

> I have been through the same thing and still do. Over the years I have come

to decide 2 things. The first is I don't care anymore if people believe me or

not because I know how I feel. Heck, I live with it everyday!