too much pain cant cope at all!!!

October 2, 2011

The pain has taken over as it has been almost non stop for the last month at a

level I just cannot cope with. My worst fears are coming true; that the

medications I have been taking are not working and will not be working for me

anymore. I know that there are other medications but I do not know if my

neurologist will prescribe anything that can work.

In the last year the pain has gone out of control twice before and the first

time I added Vicodin to my other meds; tramadol and amytriptiline. The second

time had to increase the Vicodin dosage. The amytriptiline is also a Migraine

preventive and helps with depression so I am afraid of meddling with it. I think

that I am at the limit for vicodin (7.5 mg 3 times a day) which I can take,

given all of the other medications I take. I tried morphine before I started the

Vicodin but it made me nauseous and did not help with pain at all. I take asthma

medications too but have not taken them in a few weeks.

I am so exhausted from the almost unending unbearable pain. I cannot focus or

concentrate. My mind is like mush and I cannot seem to be able to think through

anything. The pain just does not want to give me a break for more than a couple

of hours maybe once a week and then I have run around trying to catch up with

everything but I just fall further behind and more into this vicious cycle of

pain and exhaustion. I do not seem able to watch TV or use the computer either.

Tonight is the first time in more than a week that I can recall going online,

but then my memory is also becoming distorted by the pain so I am not sure about

things. I never really had this much pain for such a long period with no help or

no one to turn to for help.

It is all quite scary for me as I do not have anyone to call or help me at all.

I could call my 2 children but I know they would just blow me off just as they

have every other time I have asked them for any help. They would be more likely

to help a complete stranger rather than me due to their psychopath father who

has demonized me to them in a divorce that has gone on for more than 8 years and

even before when they were growing up. They are both adults now but in age only.

Any recommendations for other drugs would be appreciated. I cannot afford the

acupuncture, the cranial sacral release or the psychotherapist I had seen for

more than 20 yrs anymore so I am left with trying to come up with whatever drugs

I can to deal with this pain. The non drugs that were somewhat helpful were not

covered by any insurance so they had to stop when they were not covered and I

could not get the psychopath husband to pay for them.

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