Guest guest Posted April 8, 1999 Report Share Posted April 8, 1999 , It is always great to read of others who are finding that the success that always alluded them as XA members is no longer a dream, but rather reality when they are 12 step free, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2000 Report Share Posted April 4, 2000 wrote: >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was >increased every time I did one. And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will never be well and I must continue this process forever. The internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, so therefore they would not exist! As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. Sue ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2000 Report Share Posted April 4, 2000 That program causes so much internal twisting and turning and emotional frustration; I'm so glad I'm free. I remember the coffee meetings after the meetings. How the same people who proclaimed love and tolerance and acceptance for each and every other AA member would rake them over the coals with smug little inside jokes and cruel 'inventory' taking. To me it was all that emotional reining in coming out sideways. I don't think it's good for a person to force theirself to be loving and all to people they genuinely don't like. jan Re: Re: anger > > > wrote: > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > >increased every time I did one. > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > so therefore they would not exist! > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > Sue > ______________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer files. > Install today: > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 5, 2000 Report Share Posted April 5, 2000 I used to get angry with people in AA-and then had to NAME MY PART in it, which caused a lot of twisting-like you were talking about-inside to give myself some of the blame, whether deserved or not, because that was " the way " . How much damage was caused by that way of thinking! Yes, Sue, I was constantly analyzing my thoughts, actions and motivations to the point that my life was passing me by. My husband at the time was using drugs and screwing around, but I with my constant self-analysis, was thinking I was the one at fault in so many cases. Not only was I supposedly an alcoholic, I had food issues and I smoked and I was a sex addict (according to my husband).... Well, let me tell you today what's different. I haven't been to a meeting since January 1997. I doubt strongly that I am an alcoholic and drink on occasion. I quit smoking four years ago-can't remember the exact date (too much like an AA anniversary, anyway) and I eat what I want and am more comfortable with my body now than ever before. I have no sex issues. I am happy and satisfied in the relationship Charlie and I have. I am in therapy for the real problems about my personality and coping that I need to address. All the other " illnesses " I used to claim, are no big deal. I feel human today. I am not hashing and rehashing myself all the time anymore. It just goes show that what you are alluding to is a fact: That overcomplication of simple little things puts them right in front of your face 24x7 until you can't see the forest for the trees. I, too, would have caused my own demise, eventually. I watched a few people in AA actually do it. What a waste of some truly wonderful souls. AA's philosophy and brainwashing guilt-tripped them right to the edge and off the cliff. They felt they had no other choice; they felt trapped in AA. That's POWERLESSNESS. Jan, I know what you mean about the inventory-taking crap at the coffee klatches. There were cliques and people I did not like, either. I think the light really went on for me at one point that I was sitting at a table and this person said " I LOVE all OF YOU " and it struck me in a strange manner. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up and I felt sick. This person was delusional...or I was wrong, because I couldn't love everybody...Actually, today it's-I'm right to not love or even LIKE everybody. People do have " feelings " about the intentions of others towards them, and that isn't very loving sometimes, either, to say the least! It only took me forty-some years to figure this out! > > > > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > > >increased every time I did one. > > > > > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > > so therefore they would not exist! > > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > > > Sue > > ______________________________________________________ > > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -- > > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer files. > > Install today: > > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -- > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Good rant . I am in the process of learning that non-acceptance of many things is better for me too. > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups >To: 12-step-freeegroups >Subject: Re: Re: anger >Date: Thu, 06 Apr 2000 13:26:51 EDT > > " Anger & Me, Perfect Together " : >In a very small way I got a good look yesterday at why XA was dangerous for >me. I'm sure a lot of you know how planning a wedding can bring out >ancient >family conflicts, well ... I was amazed to see how my mother tried to >shame >me for my anger (at her & my sisters) for letting me down and once again >depending on me to take care of my tasks and theirs without complaint (long >boring story). In an instant, I saw how manipulative the dynamic can be - I >like being dependable, they like depending on me, all is well & good until >I >actually need something from them. So,anyway, they let me down and for >once >instead of taking care of it, I called them on it and refused to take over. >My mom steps in to lecture me on what the wedding should really be about, >and " don't let it get to you " (Bad, ). I calmly responded that if >she thinks I agree that the wedding is supposed to be about me scrambling >about like a madwoman without complaint so that everyone else is >comfortable > & there is no conflict, she's wrong. In the ensuing conversation, I saw >how >she still expects and depends on me to take on the lion's share of any work >(ie paying for my own college & eating pb & J sandwiches while she paid for >my >older sister's rent, cigarettes, gourmet tastes, clothing, tuition, etc), >because I generally will. After all, I've had a lot invested in being the >good little responsible girl. The wakeup call for her is that I no longer >have a lot emotionally invested in pleasing her (or working a " good >program " ), and therefore anger is not such a big risk for me anymore. > >In the past, I would have swallowed my anger with food and blamed my > " shortcomings " for my feelings. One of the major blocks to my " recovery " >has been the fact that when I stop using the food, I can no longer abide by >the rules as set up in my family relationships, and I get lots of negative >feedback (which I am notoriously bad at accepting). > >I have needed to set up new rules for my own behavior and my relationships, >not just get better at accepting the crap that is piled on me. This is why >I personally felt that XA was encouraging me to act in ways that >exacerbated >my acting out with food. I needed to learn the difference between >forgiveness and getting walked on, the difference between humility and >people-pleasing, between being needlessly aggressive and commanding >respect. > I didn't find any such lessons in meetings. > >THanks for listening to me rant, >PS I'm happy to report that I have had unprecedented success with removing >the bulimic symptoms from my life in the last few months. This has >coincided with my letting go of XA mindset and facing my non-theism, as >well >as my participation with this group > > > > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups > >To: 12-step-freeegroups > >Subject: Re: Re: anger > >Date: Wed, 05 Apr 2000 12:58:04 -0000 > > > >I used to get angry with people in AA-and then had to NAME MY PART in > >it, which caused a lot of twisting-like you were talking about-inside > >to give myself some of the blame, whether deserved or not, because > >that was " the way " . How much damage was caused by that way of > >thinking! > > > >Yes, Sue, I was constantly analyzing my thoughts, actions and > >motivations to the point that my life was passing me by. My husband > >at the time was using drugs and screwing around, but I with my > >constant self-analysis, was thinking I was the one at fault in so > >many cases. Not only was I supposedly an alcoholic, I had food > >issues > >and I smoked and I was a sex addict (according to my husband).... > > > >Well, let me tell you today what's different. I haven't been to a > >meeting since January 1997. I doubt strongly that I am an alcoholic > >and drink on occasion. I quit smoking four years ago-can't remember > >the exact date (too much like an AA anniversary, anyway) and I eat > >what I want and am more comfortable with my body now than ever > >before. I have no sex issues. I am happy and satisfied in the > >relationship Charlie and I have. I am in therapy for the real > >problems about my personality and coping that I need to address. All > >the other " illnesses " I used to claim, are no big deal. I feel human > >today. I am not hashing and rehashing myself all the time anymore. > > > >It just goes show that what you are alluding to is a fact: That > >overcomplication of simple little things puts them right in front of > >your face 24x7 until you can't see the forest for the trees. > >I, too, would have caused my own demise, eventually. I watched a few > >people in AA actually do it. What a waste of some truly wonderful > >souls. AA's philosophy and brainwashing guilt-tripped them right to > >the edge and off the cliff. They felt they had no other choice; > >they felt trapped in AA. That's POWERLESSNESS. > > > >Jan, I know what you mean about the inventory-taking crap at the > >coffee klatches. There were cliques and people I did not like, > >either. I think the light really went on for me at one > >point that I was sitting at a table and this person said " I LOVE all > >OF YOU " and it struck me in a strange manner. The hair on the back > >of my neck was standing up and I felt sick. This person was > >delusional...or I was wrong, because I couldn't love > >everybody...Actually, today it's-I'm right to not love or even LIKE > >everybody. People do have " feelings " about the intentions of others > >towards them, and that isn't very loving sometimes, either, to say > >the least! It only took me forty-some years to figure this out! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > > > > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > > > > >increased every time I did one. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > > > > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > > > > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > > > > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > > > > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > > > > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > > > > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > > > > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > > > > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > > > > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > > > > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > > > > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > > > > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > > > > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > > > > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > > > > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > > > > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > > > > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > > > > so therefore they would not exist! > > > > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > > > > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > > > > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > > > > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > > > > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > > > > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > > > > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > > > > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > > > > > > > Sue > > > > ______________________________________________________ > > > > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > > > > > > > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >-- > > > > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > > > > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer > >files. > > > > Install today: > > > > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >-- > > > > > > > > > > > >______________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Good rant . I am in the process of learning that non-acceptance of many things is better for me too. > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups >To: 12-step-freeegroups >Subject: Re: Re: anger >Date: Thu, 06 Apr 2000 13:26:51 EDT > > " Anger & Me, Perfect Together " : >In a very small way I got a good look yesterday at why XA was dangerous for >me. I'm sure a lot of you know how planning a wedding can bring out >ancient >family conflicts, well ... I was amazed to see how my mother tried to >shame >me for my anger (at her & my sisters) for letting me down and once again >depending on me to take care of my tasks and theirs without complaint (long >boring story). In an instant, I saw how manipulative the dynamic can be - I >like being dependable, they like depending on me, all is well & good until >I >actually need something from them. So,anyway, they let me down and for >once >instead of taking care of it, I called them on it and refused to take over. >My mom steps in to lecture me on what the wedding should really be about, >and " don't let it get to you " (Bad, ). I calmly responded that if >she thinks I agree that the wedding is supposed to be about me scrambling >about like a madwoman without complaint so that everyone else is >comfortable > & there is no conflict, she's wrong. In the ensuing conversation, I saw >how >she still expects and depends on me to take on the lion's share of any work >(ie paying for my own college & eating pb & J sandwiches while she paid for >my >older sister's rent, cigarettes, gourmet tastes, clothing, tuition, etc), >because I generally will. After all, I've had a lot invested in being the >good little responsible girl. The wakeup call for her is that I no longer >have a lot emotionally invested in pleasing her (or working a " good >program " ), and therefore anger is not such a big risk for me anymore. > >In the past, I would have swallowed my anger with food and blamed my > " shortcomings " for my feelings. One of the major blocks to my " recovery " >has been the fact that when I stop using the food, I can no longer abide by >the rules as set up in my family relationships, and I get lots of negative >feedback (which I am notoriously bad at accepting). > >I have needed to set up new rules for my own behavior and my relationships, >not just get better at accepting the crap that is piled on me. This is why >I personally felt that XA was encouraging me to act in ways that >exacerbated >my acting out with food. I needed to learn the difference between >forgiveness and getting walked on, the difference between humility and >people-pleasing, between being needlessly aggressive and commanding >respect. > I didn't find any such lessons in meetings. > >THanks for listening to me rant, >PS I'm happy to report that I have had unprecedented success with removing >the bulimic symptoms from my life in the last few months. This has >coincided with my letting go of XA mindset and facing my non-theism, as >well >as my participation with this group > > > > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups > >To: 12-step-freeegroups > >Subject: Re: Re: anger > >Date: Wed, 05 Apr 2000 12:58:04 -0000 > > > >I used to get angry with people in AA-and then had to NAME MY PART in > >it, which caused a lot of twisting-like you were talking about-inside > >to give myself some of the blame, whether deserved or not, because > >that was " the way " . How much damage was caused by that way of > >thinking! > > > >Yes, Sue, I was constantly analyzing my thoughts, actions and > >motivations to the point that my life was passing me by. My husband > >at the time was using drugs and screwing around, but I with my > >constant self-analysis, was thinking I was the one at fault in so > >many cases. Not only was I supposedly an alcoholic, I had food > >issues > >and I smoked and I was a sex addict (according to my husband).... > > > >Well, let me tell you today what's different. I haven't been to a > >meeting since January 1997. I doubt strongly that I am an alcoholic > >and drink on occasion. I quit smoking four years ago-can't remember > >the exact date (too much like an AA anniversary, anyway) and I eat > >what I want and am more comfortable with my body now than ever > >before. I have no sex issues. I am happy and satisfied in the > >relationship Charlie and I have. I am in therapy for the real > >problems about my personality and coping that I need to address. All > >the other " illnesses " I used to claim, are no big deal. I feel human > >today. I am not hashing and rehashing myself all the time anymore. > > > >It just goes show that what you are alluding to is a fact: That > >overcomplication of simple little things puts them right in front of > >your face 24x7 until you can't see the forest for the trees. > >I, too, would have caused my own demise, eventually. I watched a few > >people in AA actually do it. What a waste of some truly wonderful > >souls. AA's philosophy and brainwashing guilt-tripped them right to > >the edge and off the cliff. They felt they had no other choice; > >they felt trapped in AA. That's POWERLESSNESS. > > > >Jan, I know what you mean about the inventory-taking crap at the > >coffee klatches. There were cliques and people I did not like, > >either. I think the light really went on for me at one > >point that I was sitting at a table and this person said " I LOVE all > >OF YOU " and it struck me in a strange manner. The hair on the back > >of my neck was standing up and I felt sick. This person was > >delusional...or I was wrong, because I couldn't love > >everybody...Actually, today it's-I'm right to not love or even LIKE > >everybody. People do have " feelings " about the intentions of others > >towards them, and that isn't very loving sometimes, either, to say > >the least! It only took me forty-some years to figure this out! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > > > > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > > > > >increased every time I did one. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > > > > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > > > > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > > > > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > > > > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > > > > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > > > > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > > > > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > > > > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > > > > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > > > > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > > > > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > > > > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > > > > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > > > > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > > > > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > > > > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > > > > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > > > > so therefore they would not exist! > > > > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > > > > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > > > > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > > > > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > > > > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > > > > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > > > > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > > > > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > > > > > > > Sue > > > > ______________________________________________________ > > > > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > > > > > > > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >-- > > > > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > > > > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer > >files. > > > > Install today: > > > > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >-- > > > > > > > > > > > >______________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 I see no ranting, here, . It looks clear and concise! > > > > > > > > > > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > > > > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > > > > >increased every time I did one. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > > > > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > > > > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > > > > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > > > > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > > > > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > > > > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > > > > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > > > > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > > > > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > > > > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > > > > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > > > > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > > > > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > > > > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > > > > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > > > > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > > > > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > > > > so therefore they would not exist! > > > > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > > > > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > > > > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > > > > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > > > > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > > > > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > > > > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > > > > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > > > > > > > Sue > > > > ______________________________________________________ > > > > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > > > > > > > > > > >--------------------------------------------------------------------- - > >-- > > > > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > > > > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer > >files. > > > > Install today: > > > > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > > > > > >--------------------------------------------------------------------- - > >-- > > > > > > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Thanks, . I've been in #2's spot many times, and if anyone had stuck up for me like that they would have been MY HERO. > >Reply-To: 12-step-freeegroups >To: <12-step-freeegroups> >Subject: RE: Re: anger >Date: Thu, 6 Apr 2000 23:01:36 -0500 > > >#1 to #2: Jeez #2, you think you ate enough cookies during the >meeting? >#2 to #1: Embarrassed. Well I didn't get anything to eat today. >#3 to #2: Don't listen to #1 you can eat as many cookies as you want >it's nobody's business but yours. >#3 to #1: #1 I didn't want any so I let #2 have mine. Why does it >bother you how many cookies #2 has? >#1 to #3: That's not a very Xtian attitude to have. >#3 to #1: That's ok, I'm not required to be a Xtian to be in the >program. >#4 to #1: #1 he (meaning #3) reminds me of my 14 year old son. >#3 to #4: So by that you mean because I defend a friend I'm >immature? >#4 to #3: No. I meant my 14 year old is smart to. >#3 to #4: I'm sorry. I thought you were implying that my >intelligence was on the level of a teenager's. Sort of like saying I >was behaving in a sophomoric way. > >-Silence all Around - > > ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Hi : Good for you. BTW I didn't see this as a rant. Recently I was a participant in a conversation involving four people take a guess which one was me. #1 to #2: Jeez #2, you think you ate enough cookies during the meeting? #2 to #1: Embarrassed. Well I didn't get anything to eat today. #3 to #2: Don't listen to #1 you can eat as many cookies as you want it's nobody's business but yours. #3 to #1: #1 I didn't want any so I let #2 have mine. Why does it bother you how many cookies #2 has? #1 to #3: That's not a very Xtian attitude to have. #3 to #1: That's ok, I'm not required to be a Xtian to be in the program. #4 to #1: #1 he (meaning #3) reminds me of my 14 year old son. #3 to #4: So by that you mean because I defend a friend I'm immature? #4 to #3: No. I meant my 14 year old is smart to. #3 to #4: I'm sorry. I thought you were implying that my intelligence was on the level of a teenager's. Sort of like saying I was behaving in a sophomoric way. -Silence all Around - These types of manipulative (hate to say passive/aggressive) put downs are common in the rooms. I'm known for not accepting any of that BS behavior. When I notice it I usually say something about it immediately. I've noticed it doesn't go away if not put in check right away. You're just asking for more headaches if you let people get away with that type of BS. People usually only try it once with me. After the frontal attack doesn't work it usually turns to back stabbing. I highly recommend a frontal assault when you discover this has been going on. Sort of like " the best defense is a good offense " . Usually the cowards will lie through their teeth and deny deny deny. Which in itself is a whole new take on the denial thing. So my take one your situation. Good Show. Put a stop to it every time and you'll notice they'll eventually stop doing it. Especially if someone tries it in public hoping you'll be too embarrassed to defend yourself for fear of making yourself look bad. Just a few thoughts. Re: Re: anger " Anger & Me, Perfect Together " : I have needed to set up new rules for my own behavior and my relationships, not just get better at accepting the crap that is piled on me. This is why I personally felt that XA was encouraging me to act in ways that exacerbated my acting out with food. I needed to learn the difference between forgiveness and getting walked on, the difference between humility and people-pleasing, between being needlessly aggressive and commanding respect. I didn't find any such lessons in meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Glad to hear you are doing well, . I find that away from 12 steps I more or less have a similar reaction to the ways I was used and abused by my family, but I am also more aware of the inappropriate behaviour I level against those who are close to me in a non-family way, personal relationships, friends, housemates. I see my over reactions, suspicions, unfairness. But, my reaction is less guilt than a desire to figure out how to move awaay from the problem zone and fix the situation. I can now act to head that off. In a therapy/12 step mindset, I was both taking it and giving it wihtout sense or control. -G. Price > > > > > > > > > > > > >In the 15 years I was in AA, I must have done about 9 4th and 5th > > > > >steps. The internal distress of my emotional state was > > > > >increased every time I did one. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > And if you're anything like me, if you weren't " doing " a 4th, > > > > I'll bet you were thinking about it all of the time. Sometimes > > > > when I thought I could not possibly find anything else to examine, > > > > I would feel like I must be doing something wrong. I would > > > > start to feel better when I would just " leave myself alone " > > > > and stop over-analyzing. Then AA would tell me that I will > > > > never be well and I must continue this process forever. The > > > > internal distress you speak of was beyond description here. > > > > This re-hashing of the past over, and over and over is absolutely > > > > insane. I have only begun to become whole again by doing what > > > > you suggested in another post. FERRRGETTTABOUTIT. > > > > Today, I truly believe with all my heart that if I would have > > > > stayed in AA, I would have eventually taken my own life. > > > > They took the self-hatred that I had carried around my whole > > > > life and MAGNIFYED it. And it just kept getting worse. > > > > Sometimes I ask the question, " what kind of person would AA > > > > actually benefit? " The answer that I always come up with would > > > > be a person that would have no damn need to be there anyway, > > > > so therefore they would not exist! > > > > As far as anger goes.... I had never even recalled ever being > > > > angry. If anger got close, I took a drink. And I became a > > > > wonderfully passive, but miserable drunk. So, in order to " not > > > > drink, " I actually NEED to get angry. AA had me doing the > > > > exact opposite! Those a**holes were killing me. > > > > Today, if I do the exact opposite of everything they told me, > > > > (except that don't get rip roarin' drunk part) > > > > I can be pretty sure that it's gonna be a good day. > > > > > > > > Sue > > > > ______________________________________________________ > > > > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > > > > > > > > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------- --- > >-- > > > > Special Offer-Earn 300 Points from MyPoints.com for trying @Backup > > > > Get automatic protection and access to your important computer > >files. > > > > Install today: > > > > http://click./1/2344/1/_/4324/_/954889542/ > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------- --- > >-- > > > > > > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.