Re: argh!!

[Guest guest]

Dang! that is a real shocker as well as 'wake up call' for you! Being

faced with our mortality is a real slap in the face. Some times I

cringe to think that I am now older than my mom was when she died

(cancer). Such thoughts do make living NOW feel sooooo important (and

it is too).

I am not surprised that you were 'stuffing' yourself with any and

everything. Doing that could 'connect' you with all that you were

'missing'? Or maybe you were reacting to what you felt you had

'missed' by dieting (or even IE which isn't a free-for-all activity

either ;-)? This is also a real example of how IMAGE can be

misrepresentative of what IS. The lady APPEARED to look healthy and

'fit', but something that couldn't be seen wasn't right. And if she

had been living by the 'good ideas' (no smoking, not over weight etc.)

then what the heck chance have we who are not as 'healthy living' got?

Scary thoughts!!

I am glad you realized how this was affecting you. I hope you have not

beat yourself up over this type of reaction, which I think could be a

pretty darn normal one! This too will past and you could be like my

grandmother who at 102 has outlived every doctor who told her to

'loose weight'!!

Hug yourself Katcha

>

> Two days ago my adult son's girlfriend's mother didn't wake up. She

> was a fit and vibrant 64 year old sexy looking dame who looked 10

> years younger than she was. Apparently she just quietly had a heart

> attack and expired in her sleep. She did not smoke, she was not

> overweight, she was apparently not a big boozer. She evidently beat

> cancer a couple of years ago, I don't know what kind or how serious,

> but was healthy as a horse.

>

> I had only met her once at Thanksgiving, but I was stunned all to

> hell. I took my son's 3 kids for him for the evening so he could go

> down and be with his girlfriend. I was like in some weird fog, glad

> to have 5 kids to keep me busy because I was so moved by this thing,

> faced with my own mortality so immediately. She was so alive. I

> didn't really know her, (relatively new relationship for my recently

> divorced son) so it's not about that, just that in a way she was me,

> know what I mean?

>

> I was making school lunches for my 2 little ones and my son's 3 so he

> didn't have to bother, and I was just stuffing cheese and bread into

> my face like an automaton. Then I had a bag of potato chips and some

> leftover chocolate from Christmas. Then I had a glass of wine from a

> bottle that a customer gave my husband at xmas. I don't even like red

> wine. I could see me doing all this stuffing and numbing, but I felt

> powerless in the face of it so I tried to be okay with it.

>

> Yesterday I got up and decided to get busy and not dwell - I decided

> to colour the grey out of my hair. I got a haircut and had my

> eyebrows waxed. Then I came home and did my new yoga DVD and then I

> thoroughly cleaned my house. The desire to eat dogged me all day and

> I tried to give myself permission to go with it, but by nightfall I

> felt like I had been on a diet and blown it and wanted to eat in

> retaliation. Which I did, albeit in relative moderation.

>

> When did I turn this into a diet? I felt so centered and calm in it

> and now I just feel like a failure, irrational as that is. I

> obviously am kidding myself if I think I have internalized " NO diets -

> this is not about weight! "

>

> Okay, rant over and back to the drawing board.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry, for you and your family, and esp. for your son's

girlfriend.

I think your reaction is completely normal. This has been a huge

shock, and it is a lot for you to process. Are you able to give

yourself a little leeway right now? This process is about learning

to cope with our emotions, and it seems like that is what you are

doing. You recognize that you're eating to numb yourself, and that

is a HUGE step!

Take care of yourself!

>

> Two days ago my adult son's girlfriend's mother didn't wake up. She

> was a fit and vibrant 64 year old sexy looking dame who looked 10

> years younger than she was. Apparently she just quietly had a heart

> attack and expired in her sleep. She did not smoke, she was not

> overweight, she was apparently not a big boozer. She evidently beat

> cancer a couple of years ago, I don't know what kind or how

serious,

> but was healthy as a horse.

>

> I had only met her once at Thanksgiving, but I was stunned all to

> hell. I took my son's 3 kids for him for the evening so he could go

> down and be with his girlfriend. I was like in some weird fog, glad

> to have 5 kids to keep me busy because I was so moved by this

thing,

> faced with my own mortality so immediately. She was so alive. I

> didn't really know her, (relatively new relationship for my

recently

> divorced son) so it's not about that, just that in a way she was

me,

> know what I mean?

>

> I was making school lunches for my 2 little ones and my son's 3 so

he

> didn't have to bother, and I was just stuffing cheese and bread

into

> my face like an automaton. Then I had a bag of potato chips and

some

> leftover chocolate from Christmas. Then I had a glass of wine from

a

> bottle that a customer gave my husband at xmas. I don't even like

red

> wine. I could see me doing all this stuffing and numbing, but I

felt

> powerless in the face of it so I tried to be okay with it.

>

> Yesterday I got up and decided to get busy and not dwell - I

decided

> to colour the grey out of my hair. I got a haircut and had my

> eyebrows waxed. Then I came home and did my new yoga DVD and then I

> thoroughly cleaned my house. The desire to eat dogged me all day

and

> I tried to give myself permission to go with it, but by nightfall I

> felt like I had been on a diet and blown it and wanted to eat in

> retaliation. Which I did, albeit in relative moderation.

>

> When did I turn this into a diet? I felt so centered and calm in it

> and now I just feel like a failure, irrational as that is. I

> obviously am kidding myself if I think I have internalized " NO

diets -

> this is not about weight! "

>

> Okay, rant over and back to the drawing board.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry to hear about this, it would be quite a shock to me too. I really wouldn't get down on yourself if you can help it. From an outside perspective, I can see that you were fairly aware of what you were doing, which we all know is quite an accomplishment. And as Traci said, you were reverting to your familiar coping methods. Eating is how you have learned to cope with emotional situations, and thank goodness you have had a way to cope, and a way that isn't as destructive as many other options out there. You're learning and practicing IE and you will be replacing this coping method with a different way to deal with and process emotions, but it takes time. I have been eating intuitively, or at least in my IE journey for almost ten years now, and there are moments that I still have those thoughts of eating that come to mind first. For example, yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and I wasn't really happy with what he had to say and I have some decisions to make that I'd rather not deal with. My first thought was "I want candy". It's very normal. I actually got the candy but decided to do some research and find out more about what the doctor had to say, calmed myself down, and then enjoyed the candy when I was hungry. It was really good.

This is a process, it goes up and down, and you are riding along and doing a great job. Hang in there, if you can take some time to just feel your feelings about the death of this person, you may find the compulsion to eat mellow out a bit.

Let us know how we can help!

Thanks!GillianGillian Hood-son, MS, ACSMHealthier OutcomesIt's not just about losing weight! Want to eat your favorite foods without gaining weight? Get your copy of our fr*e special report, "6 Simple Steps to Guilt Free Eating" by visiting http://www.healthieroutcomes.com

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of dubbysgagaSent: Thursday, January 17, 2008 5:03 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: argh!!

Two days ago my adult son's girlfriend's mother didn't wake up. She was a fit and vibrant 64 year old sexy looking dame who looked 10 years younger than she was. Apparently she just quietly had a heart attack and expired in her sleep. She did not smoke, she was not overweight, she was apparently not a big boozer. She evidently beat cancer a couple of years ago, I don't know what kind or how serious, but was healthy as a horse.I had only met her once at Thanksgiving, but I was stunned all to hell. I took my son's 3 kids for him for the evening so he could go down and be with his girlfriend. I was like in some weird fog, glad to have 5 kids to keep me busy because I was so moved by this thing, faced with my own mortality so immediately. She was so alive. I didn't really know her, (relatively new relationship for my recently divorced son) so it's not about that, just that in a way she was me, know what I mean?I was making school lunches for my 2 little ones and my son's 3 so he didn't have to bother, and I was just stuffing cheese and bread into my face like an automaton. Then I had a bag of potato chips and some leftover chocolate from Christmas. Then I had a glass of wine from a bottle that a customer gave my husband at xmas. I don't even like red wine. I could see me doing all this stuffing and numbing, but I felt powerless in the face of it so I tried to be okay with it.Yesterday I got up and decided to get busy and not dwell - I decided to colour the grey out of my hair. I got a haircut and had my eyebrows waxed. Then I came home and did my new yoga DVD and then I thoroughly cleaned my house. The desire to eat dogged me all day and I tried to give myself permission to go with it, but by nightfall I felt like I had been on a diet and blown it and wanted to eat in retaliation. Which I did, albeit in relative moderation.When did I turn this into a diet? I felt so centered and calm in it and now I just feel like a failure, irrational as that is. I obviously am kidding myself if I think I have internalized "NO diets -this is not about weight!"Okay, rant over and back to the drawing board.

[Guest guest]

Oh, wow. This is so hard and so painful. I'm sorry for your loss, for

your son's loss, and all that goes with it. We are not simple creatures,

with dot-to-dot emotions. It keeps coming up for me that at the center

of the IE journey is the heart. Your heart has taken a hit and needs

love and lots of tlc for healing. Be good to yourself, however that

works for you, dubbysgaga. sending cyberhugs. Alison

dubbysgaga wrote:

>Two days ago my adult son's girlfriend's mother didn't wake up. She

>was a fit and vibrant 64 year old sexy looking dame who looked 10

>years younger than she was. Apparently she just quietly had a heart

>attack and expired in her sleep. She did not smoke, she was not

>overweight, she was apparently not a big boozer. She evidently beat

>cancer a couple of years ago, I don't know what kind or how serious,

>but was healthy as a horse.

>

>I had only met her once at Thanksgiving, but I was stunned all to

>hell. I took my son's 3 kids for him for the evening so he could go

>down and be with his girlfriend. I was like in some weird fog, glad

>to have 5 kids to keep me busy because I was so moved by this thing,

>faced with my own mortality so immediately. She was so alive. I

>didn't really know her, (relatively new relationship for my recently

>divorced son) so it's not about that, just that in a way she was me,

>know what I mean?

>

>I was making school lunches for my 2 little ones and my son's 3 so he

>didn't have to bother, and I was just stuffing cheese and bread into

>my face like an automaton. Then I had a bag of potato chips and some

>leftover chocolate from Christmas. Then I had a glass of wine from a

>bottle that a customer gave my husband at xmas. I don't even like red

>wine. I could see me doing all this stuffing and numbing, but I felt

>powerless in the face of it so I tried to be okay with it.

>

>Yesterday I got up and decided to get busy and not dwell - I decided

>to colour the grey out of my hair. I got a haircut and had my

>eyebrows waxed. Then I came home and did my new yoga DVD and then I

>thoroughly cleaned my house. The desire to eat dogged me all day and

>I tried to give myself permission to go with it, but by nightfall I

>felt like I had been on a diet and blown it and wanted to eat in

>retaliation. Which I did, albeit in relative moderation.

>

>When did I turn this into a diet? I felt so centered and calm in it

>and now I just feel like a failure, irrational as that is. I

>obviously am kidding myself if I think I have internalized " NO diets -

> this is not about weight! "

>

>Okay, rant over and back to the drawing board.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha wrote:

> Dang! that is a real shocker as well as 'wake up call' for you! Being

> faced with our mortality is a real slap in the face.

Indeed. I had to make that experience very recently. :-(

Regards

s.