Re: Core issues--long, long long. Katcha..you'll be sorry you asked!

[Guest guest]

I think the effect was that I push myself too hard. I set standards

very high for myself. There's never any " joy in the doing " if I make

sense. In my mind you're either a " starter " or nothing else matters.

Some of that comes from my father who would never give accolades for

coming in 2nd or 3rd.

My mother would often talk me out of stuff I wanted to do " out of

concern " sometimes and sometimes I swear to demoralize me. " Oh, you

won't be good at it and then you'll get upset. "

Mainly she feared she'd have to drive me somewhere and didn't want

to " be involved " . Also, in hindsight I realize that she's very

competitive with her daughters. I think she hates it when she can't

do something and me or my sisters can.

Honestly, when I got really skinny it was something she's never

successfully been able to do. She's not fat by any means, but she

always wanted to be skinny.

Some of that might have been for her approval, as she's one of those

who places lots of value on physical appearance. Did I get it? No.

I had an unsuccessful run at changing careers several years before. I

felt like a failure. I every time the scale increased I felt that

sense of failure. I would cry. It was one more thing I failed at.

I didn't have the strength to even keep weight off.

In hindsight I realized many things. First, my mother did her best.

Unfortunately she had many of her own issues that clouded her

parenting and personality. Though she doesn't think she has any.

Second, yes, my mother had a business. She hated it. It doesn't

fullfill her and in the end it isn't anything meaningful. It helped

support her family and provide for her and my father's old age.

That's it.

The way she goes on about it you'd think she ran a Fortune 500 or

was saving baby seals.

Second, I realized how ridiculous I've been all these years. The

weight obsession. The " standards " --everything. In stead of learning

to be happy with what I DO have and enjoy my life.

> >

> > Katcha,

> > I think it comes from my childhood. My mother constantly told me

> > to " toughen up " . She was never any help if I had problems or I

was

> > upset or issues at school.

> > She started a small business and it made her and my father a nice

> > amount of money. She's not saving the world and she hated every

minute

> > of doing it, but she did it. She definitely has self esteem

issues of

> > her own. She's very " arrogant " and likes to puff herself up and

be the

> > center of attention. I could write a paper on her, but it's

pretty much

> > a case of someone who pushed her s**t on her kids. Punished me

and my

> > sisters verbally for her own shortcomings.

> > I always thought, to this day, that I wasn't as good as her. She

was

> > great and wonderful and I was never going to be good enough. I

needed

> > to be tough like her when in reality she was just passing the

buck on

> > to me. " Shut up. I'm busy and can't be bothered with you. My

concerns

> > and problems are bigger " .

> >

>