Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Gillian once told me that " fat " was not a feeling and that it was about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was feeling " inferrior " . It all came up after having dinner with my Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was feeling " fat " . It dawned on me that I feel " inferrior " to those in her family. And I feel " inferrior " as a single parent. I feel " inferrior " in regards to not having any " career " per se (a decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding career). And I feel " inferrior " in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that I feel " inferrior " . This is huge for me to realize. Now I can rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a " feeling " word that comes up for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many other body issues have to do with the deep down fact that one might feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering. I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step forward. Thanks for letting me blab. Alana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Alana, great job and great observation! It can be difficult to figure out what is really going on when you're feeling "fat". Your observation reminds me of a quote my aunt would always say to me: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent", I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said that. Maybe a little too goody-goody positive, if you know what I mean, but it came to my mind. Thanks!GillianGillian Hood-son, MS, ACSMHealthier OutcomesIt's not just about losing weight! Want to eat your favorite foods without gaining weight? Get your copy of our fr*e special report, "6 Simple Steps to Guilt Free Eating" by visiting http://www.healthieroutcomes.com From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of AlanaSent: Monday, January 21, 2008 6:10 PMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Feeling Fat Gillian once told me that "fat" was not a feeling and that it was about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was feeling "inferrior". It all came up after having dinner with my Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was feeling "fat". It dawned on me that I feel "inferrior" to those in her family. And I feel "inferrior" as a single parent. I feel "inferrior" in regards to not having any "career" per se (a decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding career). And I feel "inferrior" in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that I feel "inferrior". This is huge for me to realize. Now I can rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a "feeling" word that comes up for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many other body issues have to do with the deep down fact that one might feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering.I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step forward. Thanks for letting me blab.Alana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Alana, I could SEE the 'light bulb' click on as I read this GREAT job and yes you are SO RIGHT - " I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. " Next time that little 'sinking/pit of stomach' feeling hits repeat the above - its TRUE! (you will never be 'inferior' to yourSELF) Ehugs, Katcha > > Gillian once told me that " fat " was not a feeling and that it was > about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was > feeling " inferrior " . It all came up after having dinner with my > Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship > and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me > pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all > took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family > have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching > abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And > she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside > from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle > of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was > feeling " fat " . It dawned on me that I feel " inferrior " to those in > her family. And I feel " inferrior " as a single parent. I > feel " inferrior " in regards to not having any " career " per se (a > decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding career). And I > feel " inferrior " in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that > I feel " inferrior " . This is huge for me to realize. Now I can > rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not > inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I > am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a > pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at > working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm > intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, > I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a " feeling " word that comes up > for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many > other body issues have to do with the deep down fact that one might > feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out > there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to > all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes > on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness > is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for > anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering. > I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step > forward. Thanks for letting me blab. > Alana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks Katcha! Yes, I know all of this stuff but sometimes when our sickend psyche starts playing games with us, it is hard to remember all of this. I just have to put those evil demons into their place every now and then! --Alana -------------- Original message -------------- Alana, I could SEE the 'light bulb' click on as I read this GREATjob and yes you are SO RIGHT - "I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at thejob I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good jobtaking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at allthis IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (evenwithout a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, agreat listener etc."Next time that little 'sinking/pit of stomach' feeling hits repeat theabove - its TRUE! (you will never be 'inferior' to yourSELF)Ehugs, Katcha>> Gillian once told me that "fat" was not a feeling and that it was > about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was > feeling "infe rrior". It all came up after having dinner with my > Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship > and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me > pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all > took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family > have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching > abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And > she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside > from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle > of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was > feeling "fat". It dawned on me that I feel "inferrior" to those in > her family. And I feel "inferrior" as a single parent. I > feel "inferrior" in regards to not having any "career" per se (a > decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding care er). And I > feel "inferrior" in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that > I feel "inferrior". This is huge for me to realize. Now I can > rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not > inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I > am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a > pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at > working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm > intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, > I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a "feeling" word that comes up > for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many > other body iss ues have to do with the deep down fact that one might > feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out > there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to > all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes > on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness > is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for > anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering.> I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step > forward. Thanks for letting me blab.> Alana> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 As a new member, I hate to jump in all at once, but I'm glad you "blabbed" because you explained something to me that I'd never been able to put my finger on. It is extremely helpful and something I'm going to remind myself of when "feeling fat" hits me again. Thank you! Gillian once told me that "fat" was not a feeling and that it was about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was feeling "inferrior". It all came up after having dinner with my Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was feeling "fat". It dawned on me that I feel "inferrior" to those in her family. And I feel "inferrior" as a single parent. I feel "inferrior" in regards to not having any "career" per se (a decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding career). And I feel "inferrior" in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that I feel "inferrior". This is huge for me to realize. Now I can rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a "feeling" word that comes up for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many other body issues have to do with the deep down fact that one might feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering. I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step forward. Thanks for letting me blab. Alana Feeling Fat Gillian once told me that "fat" was not a feeling and that it was about much deeper feelings. Today it came to me that I was feeling "inferrior". It all came up after having dinner with my Step-Mom (my Dad is deceased). We have a pretty good relationship and she is a pretty big support in my life. But she was showing me pictures of her two son's and their families and the trip they all took to Costa Rica over the holidays. Most Everyone in her family have PhD's and many of them are teachers and even are teaching abroad. She is always sharing how proud she is of all of them. And she should be. But the next day I was in a pissy mood and aside from my son turning 15 this weekend and is right-smack in the middle of teenagerhood, I couldn't figure out why. And, I was feeling "fat". It dawned on me that I feel "inferrior" to those in her family. And I feel "inferrior" as a single parent. I feel "inferrior" in regards to not having any "career" per se (a decent job that pays my bills, but not a rewarding career). And I feel "inferrior" in the relationships I've had. Bottom line is that I feel "inferrior". This is huge for me to realize. Now I can rationalize in my head that this is not true, that I am not inferrior, that I am a great Mom, doing the best I can, and that I am awesome at the job I have. And I am a great friend. And I do a pretty good job taking care of me and I've been doing a great job at working at all this IE stuff and have made huge progress. I'm intelligent (even without a Phd!), I'm creative, I'm resourceful, I'm loving and kind, a great listener etc. I know all this in my head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel inferrior. I'm sure inferrior isn't a "feeling" word that comes up for a lot of people, but I was thinking and wondering just how many other body issues have to do with the deep down fact that one might feel inferrior. Inferrior to all those magazines and stars out there. Inferrior to Oprah (or other idolized person). Inferrior to all the diets out there. Inferrior to will power. The list goes on. Now, my big question is what to do with all of this? Awareness is always the first step. But what next? Not really looking for anyone's advice or input, just thinking and wondering. I'm excited at having this ah-ha moment. I think it is one big step forward. Thanks for letting me blab. Alana More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 I was just checking in today. Been a while. And I saw this. it makes me sad becasue I know this is me, too. I know all this in my > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > inferrior. > Alana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 IV, Good to " see " you! I missed you! I know I've been struggling with these types of feelings myself. I've sort of hit a " wall of weird " with the whole IE/body image food thing. Wonder if you're sending me brainwaves again? I think I really DO need a tinfoil hat! LOL! However, I did note today, that I haven't binged or eaten out of anger in ages. I haven't eaten a whole box of cereal or jar of peanut butter while choking and crying over the sink. No baking batches of cookies, even if I really didn't want them, just " because " The whole point there was maybe there's some success going on and you don't realize it? Though I do understand sometimes it IS about the extra weight. I'm not one who believes that extra pounds equals something else going on. If I make sense. Gillian pointed out to me something I didn't realize. Body acceptance isn't all or nothing either. I'm not sure if that's what's going on with you but maybe its something to thing about. Hang in there babe. > > I was just checking in today. Been a while. And I saw this. it makes me sad becasue I know > this is me, too. > > > I know all this in my > > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > > inferrior. > > Alana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Sorry for the bad week. I hope things are going better. See? That's cool you were aware of what was going on. I do understand though, so many binges were triggered by something my in-laws did or by something my mother said to me. Hmm..Were you ever a " Monty Python " fan? You could picture Palin or Graham Chapman in a dress with that SHRILL voice everytime she starts. Or better yet, do an imitation of them to her. LOL! I'd pay to see that. Or Take a page from " Tate " and just think, " Am I bovered (bothered)? > > > > > > I was just checking in today. Been a while. And I saw this. it makes > > me sad becasue I know > > > this is me, too. > > > > > > > > > I know all this in my > > > > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > > > > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > > > > inferrior. > > > > Alana > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 I am with you ladies. Isn't it amazing how we can be so hurtful to ourselves? I am seeing a glimmer of hope with IE. Just a glimmer, but it is there. Have a wonderful afternoon... Re: Feeling Fat I was just checking in today. Been a while. And I saw this. it makes me sad becasue I know this is me, too. I know all this in my > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > inferrior.> Alana> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 AWESOME IV!!!! I feel the power!!!!! Re: Feeling Fat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hmm..Were you ever a "Monty Python" fan? You could picture Palin or Graham Chapman in a dress with that SHRILL voice everytime she starts. That is too funny! I was thinking of the little old lady with the yap-yap dogs that get hurt in A Fish Called Wanda.....or the old Auntie in Nanny McPhee.... _._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 HI IVY!!! I was just thinking of you and wondering how your 'holiday' is going. Take care babes and glad you dropped in too. Ehugs, Katcha > > I was just checking in today. Been a while. And I saw this. it makes me sad becasue I know > this is me, too. > > > I know all this in my > > head. But it's like there is this push pull sensation where I know > > all these good things about myself, but deep down, I feel > > inferrior. > > Alana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Excellent for you Ivy MIL's do seem to love to turn the knife in the sly-est of ways. Mine was a sweetly smiling passive aggressive who pushed every one of my buttons. When I finally awaken to the realization of what (and how) she did this, I got AWAY from her any and every way I could. Luckily my hubby so understood (phew) as his mom got under his skin too. Double great that you make the 'break' between 'shutting up' that MIL demon and stuffing your mouth. You really are doing pretty good I'd say. ehugs, Katcha > > I had a really bad week last week. I remember distinctly at one point reaching for > something in the pantry and knowing as I did it was because my MIL had really upset me. > She can do it sooooo easily. No one can start the 'not worthy' feelings in me like my British > MIL. I know darn well nothing I do will ever be 'right' or 'good enough' - after all I'm not > 'really' British.... Just naturalised. > > Anyway, lets not start that. The point is, it was a flash of understanding in that second - > and I pulled my hand back and walked away thinking she was sooo NOT going to make me > do this to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 You? Hard on yourself? Noooooooo. LOL! I think almost everyone here has their own inner dictator, complete with human rights violations..on our selves. > > > > Excellent for you Ivy MIL's do seem to love to turn the knife in > > the sly-est of ways. Mine was a sweetly smiling passive aggressive who > > pushed every one of my buttons. When I finally awaken to the > > realization of what (and how) she did this, I got AWAY from her any > > and every way I could. Luckily my hubby so understood (phew) as his > > mom got under his skin too. > > > > Double great that you make the 'break' between 'shutting up' that MIL > > demon and stuffing your mouth. You really are doing pretty good I'd say. > > > > ehugs, Katcha > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 > > It just seems like they don't 'see' either of us - or maybe they do - sometimes i wonder. Once I figured out that what my MIL did was all for HER needs and realized that no one was going to understand how such a 'sweet' and SEEMINGLY thoughtful person was in fact rude in how she ignored others needs/wishes and treated them as SHE wanted to for HER needs (to appear sweet), then I could disconnect from her and not feel one bit guilty about it. > My husband was the 'baby' of the family for many years, so I think they have old patterns with him that they haven't worked out either. This is very insightful - keep your husband as their main focus and let them work it out between themselves. Don't let yourself be the misplaced target for their interactions (frustrations?!?) ;-) > > About the american thing. They are very british, and though I think they have gotten over > most of the differences about me - at least I think they think I'm 'okay' .. but surely > sometimes they must wish their son had married a nice british girl - for one thing he > wouldn't be 5,000 miles away. Not necessarily - Brit couples have been known to move to other countries! > Some of it may be me being too hard on myself - that wouldn't be out of the question Ain't we all?!? ;-) I do admire that you and others at least start with 'what can I do?' before starting the 'blame and excuse' mode - LOL!! ehugs, Katcha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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