Legalizing candy and peanut butter. (long, as usual lol)

[Guest guest]

I am leaving for Florida on Friday and I have been craving candy like

no other. So I decided to buy 4 candy bars, one for tonight, Tuesday,

Wednesday, and Thursday.

I bought them all today. I ate them all today!

Surprisingly enough I'm not upset at myself. I'm just glad I only

bought four!

I have been really craving sugar. Chocolate in particular, which is

interesting because I haven't ever been a huge chocolate eater.

Anyway, I have yet to identify why I was/am craving so much sugar.

The only thing I can pinpoint for today was the fact that I had taken

medication last night that made me super drowsy. I have a hard time

sleeping when I binge (which is what I did last night) so I was

tossing and turning throughout the entire night, and then I was woken

up by garbage people at 8 this morning so I barely got any sleep. In

addition to this, I still had a drowsy hangover type issue from the

meds and I've been worn out all day. So maybe it was really my mind

saying " sugar! carbs! energy! " when my body was saying " sleep!

please! " even though it knows that once my eyes open in the morning,

they're not going to close again until it's dark and I'm doped up on

Tylenol PM no matter how hard they try. That's the only thing I can

really think of.

To be honest though, I didn't really WANT all four candy bars. I ate

one of them just because it was there and I had already eaten the

three I really wanted. I didn't enjoy it, but finished it up " just

because. " I think it's pretty cool though that even before/while I

was eating it, I did notice I didn't really want it or enjoy it all

that much (it was yummy but not amazing) but I still made the

conscious choice of eating it. I think that may be part of why I'm

not so upset with myself right now as I was totally aware and

" forgave " myself ahead of time.

In the past I'd say that I obviously can't control myself around candy

and that it needs to be forbidden...banned from the household.

Tomorrow I'm going to hunt down some reese's pieces because those just

sound fabulous. Keeping candy stocked is now my goal.

On a super good note, I think I'm building a very peaceful

relationship with peanut butter. Once a triggering food that was only

consumed when I binged, it is now something that I enjoy on a regular

basis in much smaller (yet surprisingly satisfying) portions. In

fact, I had it twice today! Not saying that it isn't something I

binge on anymore, as it takes part in every binge I have, but it's not

something that I am afraid of. At one point in time, I actually

convinced myself that it was the most disgusting thing in the world

and didn't touch it for months! After starting to follow IE, I

allowed myself to taste it again. At first I was iffy. I'm in love

all over again lol. I really do like peanut butter, and I'm very

happy that I have been able to work it back into my life without being

afraid of it or giving it more power than I should. Taking that hold

off of peanut butter was something that I never thought would

happen...I figured it was a lost cause. Seeing that I could do it

gives me so much hope for other foods.

Just thought I'd share my happy little experiences, especially since

most of my posts are regarding feeling awful for binging...thought I'd

throw something good in here for once!