Do you wonder if you'll ever learn? Underlying anxiety?

[Guest guest]

I get to thinking, WHEN will I ever learn? How many binges will it

take for me to realize I need to eat more during the day, and eat more

in general? How many pounds will I have to gain before I take that

step to deal with my emotions in ways other than eating?

So now I'll have nightmares tonight and bruisey feeling skin tomorrow

as this always happens after a binge. I'm just so frustrated! Not

really feeling guilty about it, just sick of it you know? Yet I still

feel helpless, as though I'm not the one who can help myself overcome

this. I still don't trust myself.

Also, I wonder if I've got some underlying anxiety. I'm leaving for

Florida on Friday and I'm meeting my fiance's entire family and a

bunch of friends. I'm attending his mother's wedding! I'm scared to

death of planes and I'm going to be on one for 4 hours. My jeans are

snug but when I went to buy more I couldn't find ANY that fit me well

enough to spend the money on. I think I've been gaining weight and my

demented mind says his family and friends will reject me for being x

number of pounds, which I know deep down is irrational but what can I

say? I'm not necessarily trying to use this as an excuse for binging,

but I really can't think of much of a reason as to why I felt like I

needed so much food tonight. It was comforting. It felt good. It

doesn't now, but it did.

*sigh*