Re: Fear of releasing Weight

[Guest guest]

I have this same fear. I do well for several weeks and then when I think I may have lost some weight I start eating more (not binging but just generally eating more so I don't lose any weight). I'm scared of what others will say if I lose weight. I'm scared of the comments my family will make if I lose weight. I hate having attention drawn to my body and losing weight will do that. But then at the same time I really want to lose weight! And more than that I want to feel better and be healthier! It's so hard because I really want to lose weight but yet at the same time I'm scared to death of it.Alana wrote: I have been reading Thin Within. I have been doing really good with waiting until I'm really hungry. Not just beginning to get hungry. I have to say food tastes better and I think I'm much better able to recognize my stopping points before getting too full. I also have gotten up to 3 30min workouts per week. I've been feeling really good with where I'm at. But yesterday I was feeling really anxious and couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything going on in my day to make me feel anxious. I did ok through the day, but in the evening over did it and ate too much. I ended up falling back into my mindless munching mode. I got to thinking this morning that this happens everytime I feel like

there might be a possibility that I might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and realized I have a fear of losing weight. I'm thinking that this is really my fear of what others will expect of me if I lose weight, if I'm slender. Also a fear of being sexually attractive. I've explored this before, but thinking I need to explore this a bit futher, maybe even with a therapist. Just putting down my thoughts/realizations. Thanks for letting me process.Alana

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[Guest guest]

>

> I have been reading Thin Within..... I feel like there might be a possibility

that I

> might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and

> realized I have a fear of losing weight.

the last couple of days I've been thinking the same way about myself. I " m not

sure what is at

the root of it for me. But I do well for about three days then mess up for a few

days. then

start all over.

[Guest guest]

Where do you thhink this fear comes from? I think for me, when I recall all the times I've lost weight before, I think I felt like people looked at me diferently, expected more from me. I'm trying to recall my Mom's reaction to me in the past, because I keep thinking this has something to do with it. It's like she was only "proud" of me if I were thin. And yet, she was never exactly "thin" herself. When I've always been overweight, I don't feel like my Mom (or my Dad when he was alive) were very proud of me. There was always an unspoken unacceptance. You would think that feeling like this would make me want to be thin. Is it a rebellion thing? An F U thing? That I want to prove to them that I'm proud of myself, no matter what? I don't know. Feeling a bit frustrated. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this. But then on the other hand, feel like I'm onto something. If I can figure this

out, then maybe the weight really will release itself.

--Alana

-------------- Original message --------------

I have this same fear. I do well for several weeks and then when I think I may have lost some weight I start eating more (not binging but just generally eating more so I don't lose any weight).

I'm scared of what others will say if I lose weight. I'm scared of the comments my family will make if I lose weight. I hate having attention drawn to my body and losing weight will do that.

But then at the same time I really want to lose weight! And more than that I want to feel better and be healthier!

It's so hard because I really want to lose weight but yet at the same time I'm scared to death of it.Alana <ajslintoncomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

I have been reading Thin Within. I have been doing really good with waiting until I'm really hungry. Not just beginning to get hungry. I have to say food tastes better and I think I'm much better able to recognize my stopping points before getting too full. I also have gotten up to 3 30min workouts per week. I've been feeling really good with where I'm at. But yesterday I was feeling really anxious and couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything going on in my day to make me feel anxious. I did ok through the day, but in the evening over did it and ate too much. I ended up falling back into my mindless munching mode. I got to thinking this morning that this happens everytime I feel like there might be a possibility that I might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and realized I have a fear of losing weight. I'm thinking that this is really my fear of what others will expect of me if I lose weight, i

f I'm slender. Also a fear of being sexually attractive. I've explored this before, but thinking I need to explore this a bit futher, maybe even with a therapist. Just putting down my thoughts/realizations. Thanks for letting me process.Alana

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[Guest guest]

>

> But then on the other hand, feel like I'm onto something. If I can figure

this out, then

maybe the weight really will release itself.

> --

> Alana

That's just what I think. After all, I lost 25 pounds in two months(!) when I

first did IE - all by

myself about 15 years ago. Something changed and now it's like somewhere there

is a brake

on and I don't know what it is.

[Guest guest]

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[Guest guest]

In the times previously when I have been either at my best weight or too thin, I expected many things about my life to change. I expected my husband to find me more attractive, when I was married; when I was divorced, I expected the men I dated to do the same. It never happened. My husband went right on ignoring and belittling me, and, because I was trapped in a pattern of repeating bad relationships, the men I dated did the same. Now I wonder if I am keeping this weight on as a sort of, "If you don't like me the way I am, tough!" sort of childish spite reaction. Funny, one of the men who made me feel the worst about myself worked as a hospital nutritionist. Wow, this stuff still hurts. Writing about it hurts. Remembering it hurts.

No wonder I've been falling back into mindless eating patterns.

Beckett

It totally makes sense.

It's like we wouldn't know how to be or who we are without our weight. Our weight is like who we are. But is it? I guess this is a good question - How would we be different if we were thin?

For me, I think I would be more active and not watch as much TV. I'd have more relationships, both male and femaile. I would be more "fashionable".

So what comes to my mind now is that I could be more active now. - but then I think about how my feet hurt and it is hard for me to be more active - will this change if I lose weight? - My podiatrist says not.

I could be more fashionable now - but then I come up with the excuses like the expense and that my current job doesn't require me to be "fashionable".

As far as the relationships go, I'm not sure this is necessarily true if I were thin, that I would have more and more fulfilling relationships.

Would I really be different? I don't really know. I guess it all comes down to the fact that we are who we are - wether skinny or not.

Ok, I'm just rambling now. Sorry

--Alana

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[Guest guest]

I wish I knew where it comes from! It's probably a variety of things. My mom has always commented on my weight..ever since I was 8 and got kinda chubby. I don't know how many times in my life she has told me I'm too fat. It's like I wasn't good enough cause I was fat. And also I think it labelled me in my own mind. Because she said I was fat...I should be fat. When I lost almost 90 pounds several years ago, she started telling me I was too skinny. I never got down to 190 lbs so I don't think I was too skinny! She was just uncomfortable with me being that way. I think part of it is I have always been overweight/fat so I feel like that's how people expect me to be. If I lose weight, then I feel like I am losing me. Like I don't know who I am anymore. So I think I start to panic and hold on to the weight. Does this make

sense?ajslinton@... wrote: Where do you thhink this fear comes from? I think for me, when I recall all the times I've lost weight before, I think I felt like people looked at me diferently, expected more from me. I'm trying to recall my Mom's reaction to me in the past, because I keep thinking this has something to do with it. It's like she was only "proud" of me if I were thin. And yet, she was never exactly "thin" herself. When I've always been overweight, I don't feel like my Mom (or

my Dad when he was alive) were very proud of me. There was always an unspoken unacceptance. You would think that feeling like this would make me want to be thin. Is it a rebellion thing? An F U thing? That I want to prove to them that I'm proud of myself, no matter what? I don't know. Feeling a bit frustrated. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this. But then on the other hand, feel like I'm onto something. If I can figure this out, then maybe the weight really will release itself. --Alana -------------- Original message -------------- From: Kipkabob <kipkabobyahoo (DOT) ca> I have this same fear. I do well for several weeks and then when I think I may have lost some weight I start eating more (not binging but just generally eating more so I

don't lose any weight). I'm scared of what others will say if I lose weight. I'm scared of the comments my family will make if I lose weight. I hate having attention drawn to my body and losing weight will do that. But then at the same time I really want to lose weight! And more than that I want to feel better and be healthier! It's so hard because I really want to lose weight but yet at the same time I'm scared to death of it.Alana <ajslintoncomcast (DOT) net> wrote: I have been reading Thin Within. I have been doing really good with waiting until I'm really hungry. Not just beginning to get hungry. I have to say food tastes better and I think I'm much better able to recognize my stopping points before

getting too full. I also have gotten up to 3 30min workouts per week. I've been feeling really good with where I'm at. But yesterday I was feeling really anxious and couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything going on in my day to make me feel anxious. I did ok through the day, but in the evening over did it and ate too much. I ended up falling back into my mindless munching mode. I got to thinking this morning that this happens everytime I feel like there might be a possibility that I might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and realized I have a fear of losing weight. I'm thinking that this is really my fear of what others will expect of me if I lose weight, i f I'm slender. Also a fear of being sexually attractive. I've explored this before, but thinking I need to explore this a bit futher, maybe even with a therapist. Just putting down my thoughts/realizations. Thanks for letting

me process.Alana Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

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[Guest guest]

It totally makes sense.

It's like we wouldn't know how to be or who we are without our weight. Our weight is like who we are. But is it? I guess this is a good question - How would we be different if we were thin?

For me, I think I would be more active and not watch as much TV. I'd have more relationships, both male and femaile. I would be more "fashionable".

So what comes to my mind now is that I could be more active now. - but then I think about how my feet hurt and it is hard for me to be more active - will this change if I lose weight? - My podiatrist says not.

I could be more fashionable now - but then I come up with the excuses like the expense and that my current job doesn't require me to be "fashionable".

As far as the relationships go, I'm not sure this is necessarily true if I were thin, that I would have more and more fulfilling relationships.

Would I really be different? I don't really know. I guess it all comes down to the fact that we are who we are - wether skinny or not.

Ok, I'm just rambling now. Sorry

--Alana

-------------- Original message --------------

I think part of it is I have always been overweight/fat so I feel like that's how people expect me to be. If I lose weight, then I feel like I am losing me. Like I don't know who I am anymore. So I think I start to panic and hold on to the weight. Does this make sense?

..

[Guest guest]

Alana you weren't rambling! I totally relate to everything you said. I could have written it. I too watch a lot of tv and don't have that many relationships. I have very few friends and none of them are that close to me and I hardly ever do anything with them. I'm 30 and I've never had a "boyfriend." I picture this perfect life where I am skinny, have a great job, have tons of friends and a great man and think I will never have it unless I lose weight. I totally relate everything in my life to my weight. "they won't hire me cause I'm fat. he won't go out with me cause I'm fat. she wouldn't be my friend...I'm too fat." etc etc etc I'm just sick of it all. I know that nobody else (except for maybe my mother because she always comments on it) really cares what I weigh. It's my issue. I know all

this but yet at the same time I doubt myself. Good discussion! ajslinton@... wrote: It totally makes sense. It's like we wouldn't know how to be or who we are without our weight. Our weight is like who we are. But is it? I guess this is a good question - How would we be different if we were thin? For me, I think I would be more active and not watch as

much TV. I'd have more relationships, both male and femaile. I would be more "fashionable". So what comes to my mind now is that I could be more active now. - but then I think about how my feet hurt and it is hard for me to be more active - will this change if I lose weight? - My podiatrist says not. I could be more fashionable now - but then I come up with the excuses like the expense and that my current job doesn't require me to be "fashionable". As far as the relationships go, I'm not sure this is necessarily true if I were thin, that I would have more and more fulfilling relationships. Would I really be different? I don't really know. I guess it all comes down to the fact that we are who we are - wether skinny or not. Ok, I'm just rambling now. Sorry --Alana

-------------- Original message -------------- From: Kipkabob <kipkabobyahoo (DOT) ca> I think part of it is I have always been overweight/fat so I feel like that's how people expect me to be. If I lose weight, then I feel like I am losing me. Like I don't know who I am anymore. So I think I start to panic and hold on to the weight. Does this make sense? .

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[Guest guest]

Wow Alana, that is an excellent insight for you Its amazing how

much mind control we do have - unconsciously! isn't it a shocker to

find that you might even fear being thinner? That it could have

consequences that we had given much thought to? I hope you find lots

of good (self) feedback so that you can overcome this barrier

ehugs, Katcha

>

> I have been reading Thin Within. I have been doing really good with

> waiting until I'm really hungry. Not just beginning to get hungry. I

> have to say food tastes better and I think I'm much better able to

> recognize my stopping points before getting too full. I also have

> gotten up to 3 30min workouts per week. I've been feeling really good

> with where I'm at. But yesterday I was feeling really anxious and

> couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything going on in my day to

> make me feel anxious. I did ok through the day, but in the evening

> over did it and ate too much. I ended up falling back into my

> mindless munching mode. I got to thinking this morning that this

> happens everytime I feel like there might be a possibility that I

> might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and

> realized I have a fear of losing weight. I'm thinking that this is

> really my fear of what others will expect of me if I lose weight, if

> I'm slender. Also a fear of being sexually attractive. I've explored

> this before, but thinking I need to explore this a bit futher, maybe

> even with a therapist. Just putting down my thoughts/realizations.

> Thanks for letting me process.

> Alana

>

[Guest guest]

I can certainly relate to this! Even though I KNOW I've tucked quite a

bit of better, IE type practices under my belt, I am still retaining

weight that ought to be going its own way now too. Sounds like a mass

hypnosis session is needed for us - lol! Joking aside - finding what

is underlying this retention of a larger body is the order of the day.

Off to do some fast, and free brainstorm type writing on this -

ehugs, Katcha

>

> > But then on the other hand, feel like I'm onto something. If I

can figure this > > out, then maybe the weight really will release

itself.

> > --

> > Alana

>

>

> That's just what I think. After all, I lost 25 pounds in two

months(!) when I first did IE - all by

> myself about 15 years ago. Something changed and now it's like

somewhere there is a brake

> on and I don't know what it is.

>

[Guest guest]

I would say that makes perfect sense - you have an image of yourself

that you are holding onto, even though part of you should very much

want to be different (slimmer), that is so not 'you'!?! I wonder what

your image of yourself would be at say 40 pounds less? Can you picture

yourself like that? What comes to your mind as you hold that image?

> I think part of it is I have always been overweight/fat so I feel

like that's how people expect me to be. If I lose weight, then I feel

like I am losing me. Like I don't know who I am anymore. So I think

I start to panic and hold on to the weight. Does this make sense?

>

[Guest guest]

When I was at my lowest weights I had a lot of men come onto me. This was a very promiscuous time in my life. I guess I am somewhat ashamed of this time in my life. The men weren't necessarily interested in me as a person but the way my body was. When I was married and started putting on weight, especially after I had my son, my husband walked out. I have a fear of men wanting me in this sexual way again. I know my weight has been a huge protection from men. In so many ways, I would love to find a companion, my best friend, someone to love again, but not sure it's even possible at any weight. I recently tried an online dating service (again after 10 years - BBPeople.com supposedly a site for big,beautiful people) and the one man I started to converse with online, ended up being a total scam. My mother always said that through friends and family were the best way to meet somone as they know you best - but I've give

n up on this fantasy every happening. To be honest, I feel I'm destined to spend my life alone. Sometimes I think my mind says "if I'm going to be alone, I might as well be fat". I know that often times ice cream and chiips are my companions. They have been for years. If I'm alone, and I've released my weight, what then?

--Alana

-------------- Original message -------------- From: meritaten27@...

In the times previously when I have been either at my best weight or too thin, I expected many things about my life to change. I expected my husband to find me more attractive, when I was married; when I was divorced, I expected the men I dated to do the same. It never happened. My husband went right on ignoring and belittling me, and, because I was trapped in a pattern of repeating bad relationships, the men I dated did the same. Now I wonder if I am keeping this weight on as a sort of, "If you don't like me the way I am, tough!" sort of childish spite reaction. Funny, one of the men who made me feel the worst about myself worked as a hospital nutritionist. Wow, this stuff still hurts. Writing about it hurts. Remembering it hurts.

No wonder I've been falling back into mindless eating patterns.

Beckett

In a message dated 03/07/08 1:18:45 P.M. Central Standard Time, ajslintoncomcast (DOT) net writes:

It totally makes sense.

It's like we wouldn't know how to be or who we are without our weight. Our weight is like who we are. But is it? I guess this is a good question - How would we be different if we were thin?

For me, I think I would be more active and not watch as much TV. I'd have more relationships, both male and femaile. I would be more "fashionable".

So what comes to my mind now is that I could be more active now. - but then I think about how my feet hurt and it is hard for me to be more active - will this change if I lose weight? - My podiatrist says not.

I could be more fashionable now - but then I come up with the excuses like the expense and that my current job doesn't require me to be "fashionable".

As far as the relationships go, I'm not sure this is necessarily true if I were thin, that I would have more and more fulfilling relationships.

Would I really be different? I don't really know. I guess it all comes down to the fact that we are who we are - wether skinny or not.

Ok, I'm just rambling now. Sorry

--Alana

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

Hugs Beckett. I think you’re on the

right track though-shouldn’t we all want people (the ones we can choose!)

in our lives who love us and are attracted to the whole US and not just the

physical us? You probably are putting a test out there, maybe not as a spite

reaction, but as a means of attracting someone more thoughtful and kind…we

talk a lot about trusting our inner hungers, and maybe we should also trust our

inner selves as well. Lots of hugs to you Beckett.

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of meritaten27@...

Sent: Friday, March 07, 2008 6:37

PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

Fear of releasing Weight

Now I wonder

if I am keeping this weight on as a sort of, " If you don't like me the way

I am, tough! " sort of childish spite reaction.

[Guest guest]

To turn this around and make it a more positive statement here is what I'm working on saying instead:

"I want to release weight to be healthy and feel good. If it is God's will, I will meet a companion, friend and lover"

--Alana

---------- Original message -------------- From: ajslinton@...

be honest, I feel I'm destined to spend my life alone. Sometimes I think my mind says "if I'm going to be alone, I might as well be fat". I know that often times ice cream and chiips are my companions. They have been for years. If I'm alone, and I've released my weight, what then?

--Alana

-------------- Original message -------------- From: meritaten27aol

In the times previously when I have been either at my best weight or too thin, I expected many things about my life to change. I expected my husband to find me more attractive, when I was married; when I was divorced, I expected the men I dated to do the same. It never happened. My husband went right on ignoring and belittling me, and, because I was trapped in a pattern of repeating bad relationships, the men I dated did the same. Now I wonder if I am keeping this weight on as a sort of, "If you don't like me the way I am, tough!" sort of childish spite reaction. Funny, one of the men who made me feel the worst about myself worked as a hospital nutritionist. Wow, this stuff still hurts. Writing about it hurts. Remembering it hurts.

No wonder I've been falling back into mindless eating patterns.

Beckett

In a message dated 03/07/08 1:18:45 P.M. Central Standard Time, ajslintoncomcast (DOT) net writes:

It totally makes sense.

It's like we wouldn't know how to be or who we are without our weight. Our weight is like who we are. But is it? I guess this is a good question - How would we be different if we were thin?

For me, I think I would be more active and not watch as much TV. I'd have more relationships, both male and femaile. I would be more "fashionable".

So what comes to my mind now is that I could be more active now. - but then I think about how my feet hurt and it is hard for me to be more active - will this change if I lose weight? - My podiatrist says not.

I could be more fashionable now - but then I come up with the excuses like the expense and that my current job doesn't require me to be "fashionable".

As far as the relationships go, I'm not sure this is necessarily true if I were thin, that I would have more and more fulfilling relationships.

Would I really be different? I don't really know. I guess it all comes down to the fact that we are who we are - wether skinny or not.

Ok, I'm just rambling now. Sorry

--Alana

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

I want to jump onto this message chain, as I

COMPLETELY identify with the fears of releasing

weight. The book, " When Women Stop Hating Their

Bodies " has an excellent chapter about this topic. My

reasons for holding onto excess weight are many, but I

know that I have a basic fear that getting smaller

would leave me more exposed and more vulnerable to

attack (left over stuff from going through abuse as a

kid). I'm moving to a new town soon, alone, where I

won't know anyone, and I suddenly realized that I was

gaining some weight to " buffer " myself, or feel safer

living alone in a new place.

I did some journaling, and talked to that scared part

of myself about taking a self-defense class and

getting stronger to help with my fear, rather than

larger. I also promised that part of me that, if I

got stronger or lost weight, I certainly didn't need

to wear anything that showed it off or drew attention

to myself until I was totally good and ready.

Only change as fast as the slowest part of you feels

safe in going!

-

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

All this talk of fear has me thinking of a song by Terri (country) called No Fear. I never particularly liked this song when it was out (it's 8 years old) but I heard it on the radio the other day and something really resonated with me. I happened to have the cd and dug it out of the back of my closet and here are the lyrics. And speaking of "no fear" I am being brave tomorrow and going to check out a gym with my sister. I am scared to death but also excited. I think I might enjoy it if I can get past me thinking that everyone else is thinking I'm too fat and gross. No Fear written by Terri and Chapin Carpenter I want a road stretching out before me I want a radio in my ear I want a full tank of absolution No fear I want a rainstorm

to pull me over Then a sky that begins to clear Towards the truest of destinations No fear Chorus: I used to hit every wall there was I used to run away from love All I ever wanted was right here But I had to reach way down inside I had to have faith I'd find No fear I want the world to just keep on turning I want the dawn in my rear view mirror I want to hear my own voice singing No fear And when I need two arms around me And there's no one near When I'm alone let the only sound be No fear Repeat chorus I want peace, love and understanding A stogie and an ice-cold beer Don't want to live afraid of dying I used to hit every wall there was I used to run away from love All I ever wanted was right here But I had to reach way down inside I used to stay up all night long Wondering what I was doing wrong All I ever needed was right here But I had to reach way down inside I had to have faith I'd find No fear

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[Guest guest]

I'll have to see if I can hear that song on YouTube. I like these words.

--Alana

-------------- Original message --------------

But I had to reach way down inside

I had to have faith I'd find

No fear

I want the world to just keep on turning

I want the dawn in my rear view mirror

I want to hear my own voice singing

No fear

And when I need two arms around me

And there's no one near

When I'm alone let the only sound be

No fear

Repeat chorus

I want peace, love and understanding

I used to stay up all night long

Wondering what I was doing wrong

All I ever needed was right here

But I had to reach way down inside

I had to have faith I'd find

No fear

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[Guest guest]

I'm glad you liked the words. As I said, I never really liked the song back when it was out but when I heard it the other day I really stopped and listened. ajslinton@... wrote: I'll have to see if I can hear that song on YouTube. I like these words. --Alana

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[Guest guest]

Then you will be happy to be with yourself :) And I think everyone

likes and admires people who are at ease with themselves, don't we?

(and I doubt that you will be alone long too! - You are just too

darling a gal!)

ehugs, Katcha

>

> I know that often times ice cream and chips are my companions. They

have been for years. If I'm alone, and I've released my weight, what

then?

>

> --

> Alana

[Guest guest]

Bravo !! That is marvelous to read ehugs, Katcha

>

> I want to jump onto this message chain, as I

> COMPLETELY identify with the fears of releasing

> weight. The book, " When Women Stop Hating Their

> Bodies " has an excellent chapter about this topic. My

> reasons for holding onto excess weight are many, but I

> know that I have a basic fear that getting smaller

> would leave me more exposed and more vulnerable to

> attack (left over stuff from going through abuse as a

> kid). I'm moving to a new town soon, alone, where I

> won't know anyone, and I suddenly realized that I was

> gaining some weight to " buffer " myself, or feel safer

> living alone in a new place.

> I did some journaling, and talked to that scared part

> of myself about taking a self-defense class and

> getting stronger to help with my fear, rather than

> larger. I also promised that part of me that, if I

> got stronger or lost weight, I certainly didn't need

> to wear anything that showed it off or drew attention

> to myself until I was totally good and ready.

> Only change as fast as the slowest part of you feels

> safe in going!

> -

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, .

Hugs Beckett. I think you’re on the right track though-shouldn’t we all want people (the ones we can choose!) in our lives who love us and are attracted to the whole US and not just the physical us? You probably are putting a test out there, maybe not as a spite reaction, but as a means of attracting someone more thoughtful and kind…we talk a lot about trusting our inner hungers, and maybe we should also trust our inner selves as well. Lots of hugs to you Beckett.

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[Guest guest]

Maybe they will be thinking, "I admire her for taking charge of her body! She's taking an important step in the right direction."

I think I might enjoy it if I can get past me thinking that everyone else is thinking I'm too fat and gross.

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[Guest guest]

I am so in synch with all of you. This is the most frustrating part

of any weight loss because it has been there like a shadow with me

for years. Even though I am overweight, I always get compliments on

my face and it makes me uncomfortable because I never learned to

create my own boundaries with people and not having that skill makes

me vulnerable so that my weight suit is my first defense. Sometimes

I wonder (actually, I don't wonder any more, I KNOW) that I use other

people's opinions or perceived opinions to hide behind, too. Perfect

example, I was in a long term relationship with a guy that loved me

for who I am but I always said to myself, he thinks this, he thinks

that. He did tell me once that he thought I should lose weight for

my own health (in a very caring and kind and no big deal way) and I

was all over it. Well, when I asked myself the question, what do I

think about my weight, I realized that I had conveniently projected

my own opinions about my weight onto everyone else and used them as

an excuse for why I couldnt lose weight. It is my issue first, theirs

second. Every morning for the rest of my life, I know I will wake up

with one person who will judge me the moment my eyes are open until

they close at night, that person is me and if she's not happy, it

doesn't matter what mom or anyone else thinks. She is where I need

to start.

Think about this. I learned a lesson about other people's opinions

from another event but it is so related to our bodies. A few years

ago I decided to leave a very well paying executive job, take off for

the summer, and worry about finding something else to do later.

Everyone at my company had an opinion about it from I admire that to

are you crazy to what if you can't find a job, you name it. I was

very happy about my decision but all the negative comments I received

really brought me down (can you relate this to weight?) Well, a

coworker gave me good advice. She said understand that when people

tell you what they think, in most cases, it is really about them, not

you. Once she said that to me, and I received many more comments, it

took me out of victim mode and into casual observer, allowing me to

learn more about them than about myself.

Now, that said, I do have a problem with self-sabotage. If anyone

can shed light on that one, I know I can sail through this process

but it has plagued me for years. I wonder if my " story " about what

will happen when I am thin is the problem and I need to see what part

of that story makes me uncomfortable. It is, after all, change. And

change, whether positive or negative, is hard because it comes with

unknowns.

Marie

[Guest guest]

This topic rocks as i believe this is where it really is for alot of us. Whether it was sexual, physical, or verbal abuse while growing up or just the inappropriate comments that boys/men tend to make about women's bodies it keeps us stuck in our fear.

I am going to try to reframe how I speak to myself about weight and change it to 'releasing weight' as I continue this journey of not dieting.

I do feel a sense of relief when I get that fear of stopping eating then gently remind myself that I can eat again and it can be ice cream or cake if I want that I am NOT dieting anymore.

Last night we went out for Chinese at our favorite place. I had 1 crab rangoon & gave away half of my eggroll appetizer. I ate a 'normal' portion of my entre and ended up bringing half home. I felt comfortably full but not stuffed. Later I was hungry and have been enjoying a soymilk/banana 'shake' whipped up in blender. I can honestly say it was what I wanted not what I 'felt I should eat'. I still was hungry before bed so had a small bowl of granola then was satisfied. I wd imagine this is not restricting calories but that is not my focus as it has never worked except in the short term.

The neat thing is I felt satisfied, not too full and able to sleep well.

Take Care Dear Group,

Deb