Re: Fear of releasing Weight

[Guest guest]

Selina, you sure have given good thought to what could be driving you.

That is an excellent start towards overcoming it too. I can relate to

your feeling about being 'strong' as well. I kid that I got a sturdy

peasant body, not an delicate lady one! And having strength isn't bad

either, it has kept you from totally giving into all the control

demands that were put onto you. Revere that strength and use it to

your best advantage

Glad you are here too - welcome! Katcha

[Guest guest]

This is going to be kind of hard for me, but, I have to admit that I know that releasing weight for me is a threat because of my aversion to physical intimacy and commitment. As long as I am big, no one will want to be connected to me in that way - I am safe.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this: I am a Christian, and Christians have all kinds of "do's and don'ts" that go with that. When I was about 14, I discovered that I was attracted emotionally to women. I've never been attracted in any way to men. There is no way in the world that I would ever pursue any kind of immoral relationship, and the weight guarantees that I won't. It keeps me safe morally. I hope to find some way to live with this disconsonance within without having to wear it on my body.

I hope that I won't offend anyone with what I've said, but it's just the truth as I know it.

[Guest guest]

, I am honored that you can be so honest and open. That is a

difficult step for many of us who have branded ourselves with shame

over eating. Discovering a 'why' to what drives you regarding your own

reasons for being as you are at this point is an excellent start if

you want to go forth and make a positive change OR decide to be happy

with yourself as you are now and discard the unnecessary guilt and

shame that has been eating at you.

ehugs, Katcha

>

>

> This is going to be kind of hard for me, but, I have to admit that I

> know that releasing weight for me is a threat because of my aversion to

> physical intimacy and commitment. As long as I am big, no one will want

> to be connected to me in that way - I am safe.

>

> I don't know if anyone else can relate to this: I am a Christian, and

> Christians have all kinds of " do's and don'ts " that go with that. When

> I was about 14, I discovered that I was attracted emotionally to women.

> I've never been attracted in any way to men. There is no way in the

> world that I would ever pursue any kind of immoral relationship, and the

> weight guarantees that I won't. It keeps me safe morally. I hope to

> find some way to live with this disconsonance within without having to

> wear it on my body.

>

> I hope that I won't offend anyone with what I've said, but it's just the

> truth as I know it.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nerves but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was walking in the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in front of everybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did it. My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardio machines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmill and 15 on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun! We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm actually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so their equipment is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go to the gym!!meritaten27@... wrote: Maybe they will be thinking, "I admire her for taking charge of her body! She's taking an important step in the right direction." In a message dated 03/07/08 6:48:42 P.M. Central Standard Time, kipkabobyahoo (DOT) ca writes: I think I might enjoy it if I can get past me thinking that everyone else is thinking I'm too fat and gross. It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

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[Guest guest]

I go to the gym regularly and I can tell

you that I NEVER look at anyone working out and think they are fat and gross. I

think Yay! Go Girl! I DO think it is great that people are taking care of

themselves.

Now, some of those bodybuilder men types

with the veins popping out on their necks….that’s something else

entirely.!

Good for you Kipkabob!!

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of Kipkabob

Sent: Sunday, March 09, 2008 9:16

AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

Fear of releasing Weight

Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from

nerves but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was

walking in the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in

front of everybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did

it.

My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardio

machines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmill and 15

on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun!

We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm

actually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so their equipment

is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go to the gym!!

meritaten27aol

wrote:

Maybe they

will be thinking, " I admire her for taking charge of her body! She's

taking an important step in the right direction. "

In a message

dated 03/07/08 6:48:42 P.M. Central Standard Time, kipkabobyahoo (DOT) ca

writes:

I think I might enjoy

it if I can get past me thinking that everyone else is thinking I'm too fat and

gross.

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and

advice on AOL Money Finance.

Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

[Guest guest]

I have to agree - I don't go to the gym, but in general I don't look at others

and think they

are worthless or whatever based on their size - it's only when I'm talking to

myself that I

think this way.

>

> I go to the gym regularly and I can tell you that I NEVER look at anyone

> working out and think they are fat and gross. I think Yay! Go Girl! I DO

> think it is great that people are taking care of themselves.

[Guest guest]

Congrats on this BIG step! Several members have posted about

'intuitive exercise' and this is it for you I also like the concept

of Healthy at Any Size as that puts the importance back onto health

and not waiting for a 'magic' size! Have a ball and let your body ROCK!

:) Katcha

>

> Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nerves

but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was walking

in the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in front of

everybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did it.

>

> My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardio

machines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmill

and 15 on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun!

>

> We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm

actually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so their

equipment is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go

to the gym!!

>

[Guest guest]

Congrats on this BIG step! Several members have posted about

'intuitive exercise' and this is it for you I also like the concept

of Healthy at Any Size as that puts the importance back onto health

and not waiting for a 'magic' size! Have a ball and let your body ROCK!

:) Katcha

>

> Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nerves

but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was walking

in the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in front of

everybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did it.

>

> My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardio

machines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmill

and 15 on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun!

>

> We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm

actually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so their

equipment is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go

to the gym!!

>

[Guest guest]

Actually, you would not believe how much I relate to that. Although I

don't consider myself Christian, I was more or less raised as one --

although not strictly -- and I went to Catholic school until I was in

seventh grade. And, like you, I find myself emotionally attracted to

women and not to men.

I have a lot of issues in dealing with this. I guess I'm lucky in that

(fundamentalist) Christianity doesn't have that homophobic moral pull

on me anymore; that being said, however, I am quite aware of the

homophobia that's still very rampant in the world, and said homophobia

is the reason I am still afraid to be open about my sexuality, either

with myself or with others.

When I was overweight, I liked being overweight because it was like a

protective blanket. I felt that I was unattractive, and therefore

would not be sought out by anyone, male or female. When I was on the

verge of being underweight, though, I had the same feeling about

weighing too little as well -- that I'd prefer this to being of a

normal weight, because there was less of a chance that anyone would be

attracted to me.

I am at a normal weight now, although it still fluctuates because my

eating habits still fluctuate, but I still don't feel even remotely

attractive, and I'm not sure I ever will. I just don't like my body

type, and I don't see how anyone else ever could, either. And when you

mix in with that the fact that I don't wish to be hated by people who

don't even know me, which is what would happen if I allowed myself to

be negatively judged by any random person for being gay (by being open

about things), well... there you have a conundrum. It's one I've never

been able to solve to this day.

Carolyn

>

>

> This is going to be kind of hard for me, but, I have to admit that I

> know that releasing weight for me is a threat because of my aversion to

> physical intimacy and commitment. As long as I am big, no one will want

> to be connected to me in that way - I am safe.

>

> I don't know if anyone else can relate to this: I am a Christian, and

> Christians have all kinds of " do's and don'ts " that go with that. When

> I was about 14, I discovered that I was attracted emotionally to women.

> I've never been attracted in any way to men. There is no way in the

> world that I would ever pursue any kind of immoral relationship, and the

> weight guarantees that I won't. It keeps me safe morally. I hope to

> find some way to live with this disconsonance within without having to

> wear it on my body.

>

> I hope that I won't offend anyone with what I've said, but it's just the

> truth as I know it.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nerves

but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. .... We're gonna go

tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm actually excited!

The gym just opened since Christmas so their equipment is all nice

and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go to the gym!!

>

Good for you girl!

I love going to the gym again now. And you know, nobody there wastes

time worrying about or criticising what others look like - they're

mostly all too busy focussing on themselves. Although sometimes the

regulars are quite happy to offer tips to obvious newbies who may be

struggling with technique, because they want to see them succeed and

reach their fitness goals too. That's just human beings bonding. If

anything, they'll be thinking " good for you girl! " too.

[Guest guest]

Thanks! I don't think that about anyone else either...I don't look at other people and think they are fat and gross. Just when I look in the mirror. I'm looking forward to going to the gym again tonight! :)rbeache wrote: I go to the gym regularly and I can tell you that I NEVER look at anyone working out and think they

are fat and gross. I think Yay! Go Girl! I DO think it is great that people are taking care of themselves. Now, some of those bodybuilder men types with the veins popping out on their necks….that’s something else entirely.! Good for you Kipkabob!! From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of KipkabobSent: Sunday, March 09, 2008 9:16 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Fear of releasing Weight Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nerves but I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was walking in the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in front of everybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did it. My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardio machines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmill and 15 on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun! We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'm actually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so their equipment is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to go to the gym!!meritaten27aol wrote: Maybe they will be thinking, "I admire her for taking charge of her body! She's taking an important step in the right direction." In a message dated 03/07/08 6:48:42 P.M. Central Standard Time, kipkabobyahoo (DOT) ca writes: I think I might enjoy it if I can get past me thinking that everyone else is thinking I'm too fat and gross. It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance. Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

[Guest guest]

Thank you ladies for your kind words and support. That's the first time I was able to admit the truth and how grateful I am that your words were understanding. I am hoping that I will be able to untangle all the reasons that I hide in food.

Once when I dared to ask for prayer, the pastor's wife told me to "just obey Jesus." Wouldn't it be nice if life were so easy? Just snap those fingers and "poof!" I'm a different person.

You guys are great!