sisters, women and loss/ for Jolie and group

[Guest guest]

Many years ago my eldest sister (by 14.5 years) lost

her eldest son to death from cystic fibrosis. We had

all been in his hospital room in Santa Barbara, when

my sister and her husband and the boy's siblings all

decided to "dash out for dinner, and come right back"----

I chose to stay and my nephew appeared happy to

hear this. No one, not even my sister objected. She

kissed her son and squeezed his hand and they all

left--just left. So my nephew and I were alone. As

many of you know, I also have cystic fibrosis, and

he and I had a definite bond. He was on Oxygen

at the time, lying in bed, turner bluer and bluer. I asked

him whether he wanted me to call for a nurse. He said

to me ( he was thirteen years old and very bright), "Please

don't, please, Aunt n!" So, I hesitated and sat down.

And before I knew what was happening, he said to me:

"I want to go now, before it gets to hard," took of his

Oxygen, and appeared to be gone almost instantly.

We had hugged and squeezed hands. I then called

the nurse. I will admit that I put the Oxygen back in

place. The nurse said to me, "Oh, thank heavens that

he went so peacefully; he has been telling us all day

that he wanted to go today; he was so afraid of what

might come." I hugged and kissed her, and she me.

We decided to sit there together until my sister and

the rest of the family came back. The nurse had al

ready paged the pastor on call (non-denominational)

to come to the room, and he did and was there when

my sister and her family returned. Meanwhile, the nurse

had suggested that she tell my sister that she had been

present at the death. She did that. I said nothing, but

was already crying. When the physician came in, he

explained to my sister that it was "a miracle" that the

boy had lived as long as he had, and that he himself

had expected his passing to have occurred the day

before.

No one criticized my sister for having left, and no one

praised me for having stayed--mercifully. The nurse

was now in tears, too. I never, ever discussed the

details with my sister; I knew that it would just add to

her suffering and further complicate our relationship--

to no good end.

To this day, I am glad that I was there with my nephew.

And, no matter how or exactly what day, hour or minute

he had died, I knew that I was faring better wcf than had

he, that there would be some resentment on her part.

There was, and she often showed it, even claiming that

I had been a burden in my childhood--hardly, she was

away at school and then university during most of it.

However, and this is the amazing thing about people.

I just decided that no matter how angry she was with

me, nor how verbally cruel, which was her pattern,

that I loved her, and that she had always loved me,

and continued to do so.

I think that for Jolie to have been holding her friend's

infant when the small baby died, must have been very

hard, but yet how comforted, as did my nephew feel,

the baby must have felt as the process of departure

began, and Melody will never forget that closeness

and that love, as my sister, as it turned out, never for

got my bond with her lost son, and my loyalty to her.

Love to each of you who have children in your lives,

be they your own, adopted, nephews and nieces,

even younger siblings--

Or, as my mother used to say, while changing her

grandchildren's diapers, "OOH! It smells like

onions, but, you know, onions can be so sweet."

n

[Guest guest]

It's such a fine line between life and death.

Maybe that's what bothers me.

To hear my grandmother say " I don't know if I'm strong enough to do

this " (to die) I always saw her as a very strong woman. It's hard to

hear a loved one say things like that.

Jolie

[Guest guest]

Yes, it is. When my husband became ill with

cancer of the common bile duct, which spread

to his liver (it had begun in his left eye, cancer

being a bit willfull), and when he realized that this

in all liklihood was IT, he said to me, well, I may

as well whoop it up while I can, but it is just so

odd to imagine that all "this" will be here and that

I will not. To which I replied, "But you really do not

know, do you?" and he replied, rather peevishly,

"Oh, you mean I might really have a life after

death--my spirit, that is?" I said that it was pos

sible. He thought about it, concentrated, and

was actually quiet (rare for him) and finally looked

up, brightened and actually said to me, "I think I

would like to go to Mars!" When the time came,

and as death approached, however, he made his

own decisions, and was brave and even cheerful.

Of course, this was way back in 1983; he was just

short of 58; medical care was terrific back then.

My mother prayed, all her long life to die in her

sleep, which she managed to do, peacefully,

at the tender age of 103.

Power to each of us, Jolie,

Love,

n

To: MSersLife Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:12:43 AMSubject: Re: sisters, women and loss/ for Jolie and group

It's such a fine line between life and death.Maybe that's what bothers me.To hear my grandmother say "I don't know if I'm strong enough to dothis" (to die) I always saw her as a very strong woman. It's hard tohear a loved one say things like that.Jolie

[Guest guest]



because of my spiritual beliefs and working hospice, hospitals, and nursing homes and yes three near death experiences in my life - I don't fear death - but that is just me - it is just a door to something better and with many of my biological and heart family going ahead of me it will be one big reunion - on this side - one large wake

Re: sisters, women and loss/ for Jolie and group

It's such a fine line between life and death.Maybe that's what bothers me.To hear my grandmother say "I don't know if I'm strong enough to dothis" (to die) I always saw her as a very strong woman. It's hard tohear a loved one say things like that.Jolie

[Guest guest]



because of my spiritual beliefs and working hospice, hospitals, and nursing homes and yes three near death experiences in my life - I don't fear death - but that is just me - it is just a door to something better and with many of my biological and heart family going ahead of me it will be one big reunion - on this side - one large wake

Re: sisters, women and loss/ for Jolie and group

It's such a fine line between life and death.Maybe that's what bothers me.To hear my grandmother say "I don't know if I'm strong enough to dothis" (to die) I always saw her as a very strong woman. It's hard tohear a loved one say things like that.Jolie