today, the end

[Guest guest]

OK, so this morning was good. I challenged myself with a big bowl

of cold cereal. Something I haven't had since I was a kid. I'm not

sure when or why that became a huge fear food, maybe it was the

combination aspect or realizing how high in calories a lot of

cereals really are. But I really enjoyed it!!

Then as per my hunger, I had a small bowl of cottage cheese and

jello before I went to work. In my mind it wasn't time to eat yet,

but I was hungry and I honored. I packed a snack and ate when I got

hungry at work and found that I didn't obsess about food all day.

But now, as my evening is winding down, and I am getting hungry and

I'd really like a beer, ED is talking to me:

1. you don't know how far you ran this morning or if you burned

enough calories to enjoy your food and drink tonight

A funny part of this is that the weather is PERFECT here and my

windows are open, my hubby had a great day at work and this is the

kind of environment that makes me want one of my favorite dinners

and a beer and I'm starting to feel like I didn't earn (via a tough

enough workout) this indulgence - that I didn't earn the right to

drink up the beautiful weather, sunshine, company and ambiance –

since when do I have to earn the right to enjoy the weather?? And

the season???

2. You didn't run as fast as sometimes, so you can't even guess

how far you ran

3. you've made a commitment to exercise no more than 90 minutes

a day from now on, sometimes you've been doing more than that – now

you'll have to permanently alter and reduce your intake to make up

for this permanent change

4. You already stretched yourself today, don't even think you

can do it twice

And then there is a completely opposite sentiment that is surviving

strongly within me saying, " YES, day 2 of 90 minutes of enjoyable

exercise! And I still felt like it was challenging – both times! And

I enjoyed all of my food (really it tasted good)!

So, I'm logging, blogging, journaling whatever you want to call it

before I go open my yummy beer, fix a big salad with cranberries and

have bagel with cream cheese – YUMMY!

Inspite of the middle of this post, I really have felt courageous

today. It's more like ED is saying, " What are you thinking?? I can't

believe you're trying this! " Rather than freezing me and making me

incapable of taking risk, it's like he's watching me and screaming

hysterically that he doesn't know what's gotten into me!