A thought I had this morning

[Guest guest]

In those vague early morning hours between sleep and awake, when the mind

wanders and

thinks whatever random thoughts if chooses, I always find such interesting

things occur to

me - usually with more 'truth' than better framed thoughts.

One of these was what was I thinking? All this time since I gained weight I have

been

unconsciously keeping 'diet' thoughts alive by the simple act of not buying

myself any nice

clothes. I thought I was being kind to myself by packing away all the clothes I

could no

longer wear so they wouldn't be glaring at me from teh closet, but I did not

replace them

with nice clothes in teh size I am now. I bought 'temporary' clothes - cheap

stuff because

I didn't want to spend money on myself - like I didn't deserve it. So, I wasn't

wearing

clothes that made me feel good about myself. No wonder I was feeling desperate

that I

*had* to lose weight.

I cannot believe what buying a few nice things in the proper size has done for

me. First of

all, they just look better because they fit better, so I feel better about

myself immediately -

but I don't feel like I 'have' to lose or change to 'be' anything. I can just

be. And another

domino falls - since I don't have to 'do' anything or 'be' anything, this me

that I am now

can make better choices about food and acting in a way that makes me feel more

comfortable in myself .