thoughts or feelings

[Guest guest]

Today wasn't bad. I did a new workout again. Didn't run. I again

battled the feeling that I must not have worked out hard enough to

earn rest, food etc, but I did much better at combating the thoughts

and surviving the feelings.

(I'm very interested in the current post about whether thoughts or

feelings come first, which is alterable and where to start to

address them and change them and how they affect behaviors. It has

me thinking, but I'm not ready to post my thought yet.)

Briefly, analyzing the past two days, for me it came down to

changing my behavior (making a written commitment to limit my

exercise and change it up, also had to change my `thoughts' or

words – no longer saying " I am a runner " .) then as I've practiced

these two hard behaviors, even within two days the thoughts and

feelings have begun to change or at least be easier to deal with.

I'm not sure what changed first. But it's been kind of like proving

it to myself. As I DID the hard thing, slowly my mind recognized

that it wasn't killing, (don't get me wrong the ED thoughts went

crazy and yesterday's post was proof enough) but they began to

subside as I did the hard behavior again today. And today, between

my behaviors and my mental observation of it's impact on my body, my

fearful feelings began to change. IN FACT, after my workout, I ate

a different breakfast and didn't obsess about not having memorized

it's caloric content. Then I sat at a Bible study for 3 hours, then

came home and directly ate lunch – because I WAS hungry!! Then I

cancelled a non-essential appointment today – because I WANTED to -

finished reading my novel outside in the sun and then took a NAP -

something I NEVER do!! My mind did complain that I must be lazy:

everyone I could think of was working, taking care of kids, out

doing something important and my I must be the laziest adult to

actually have time to waste on a gorgeous afternoon – sleeping!!

But, I managed to tell myself I could fret about that later if I

need to, but for now, I was going to listen to some soft Christian

music, open my window and take a 30 minute nap! My body actually

slept – which it never does midday and I felt like I really needed

it and enjoyed it!! Go figure!

OH and I went the craft store b/c I wrote a poem the other day that

I've wanted to draw out, it was kind of a mental picture or vision

of myself and my struggles right now. I've been putting off buying

the stuff to sketch it. Now I have the stuff. Gotta do it!

OK, so today was a good day, let's pray and anticipate and expect a

good one tomorrow!

NE blessings!