Backwards!

[Guest guest]

This has some major weight and diet issues, so if that will

upset you, don’t read it, please.

Everything was going fairly well for me recently. I stopped

weighing myself a few weeks ago. I stopped seeing myself as fat. I was looking

pretty good in the mirror. In the back of my mind, though, I thought it must be

psychological, because I wasn’t really respecting my fullness. I was

eating a lot of junk food and sometimes overeating. So, I knew I was probably

gaining weight and it was better to not weigh myself. All the while I still

looked good to myself in the mirror and “felt” thin.

Then, on the Zumba instructors’

message board, somebody posted the topic, “instructor

weight loss.” She wanted weight loss stories. I knew I shouldn’t

read it, but I did. Somebody posted that they were 5’2”, just like

me. She said she was 210 pounds and now she was down to 180 and she felt great.

But then she said she was happy with her size 12 body. Well, I freaked out. I

wear a size twelve, but I know I’m not 180. The last time I weighed I was

about 146. So how can she be a size 12 too?

All of the sudden I look and feel huge and fat! I’m

depressed like you wouldn’t believe and I have to teach my first Zumba class tonight! I feel like I’m a failure at

Intuitive Eating, just like I’m a failure at dieting. I can’t just

eat when I’m hungry and I can’t stop eating when I’m full. I’m

eating way too much junk. But if I try to do it “right” I will feel

like I’m restricting myself and binge anyway. It just seems like no

matter what I do, I am going to overeat. I can’t live being fat, and I

can’t get thin. I am totally hopeless.

And this is the most depressing post I’ve ever

written! J Which makes me smile just a little.

So, what should I do? Anybody? Is

there anything TO do?

Dianna