in shock

[Guest guest]

hi all:

i have been living with generative and fibromyalgia for over ten years now. 3

years ago my husband and i moved here to help my 81 yr old mom take care of my

90 year old dad who has dementia and CLL. we recently got hospice care for him,

which is a godsend, yay, my mom is finally getting some help. hospice brought a

large box of medications over on their initial visit several weeks ago. now for

the shock:

today my mother called me in a rage and asked " what am i going to tell hospice

about these missing pills? " i am completely confused. i have never gotten into

my fathers meds, why would i? my pain is being managed by a very good pain

management doctor. i canot believe some of the things my mother said to me

" stop playing the victim like you always do and tell the truth " " i guess you

have a problem and can't help it " , etc.

what this tells me is that my mother has never believed that i am genuinely in

chronic pain, sometimes bedridden with frequent fibro flares of incredible

fatigue and pain. she has always believed that i am just a medication seeker.

i feel as though someone has slugged me in the stomach. i am i complete shock.

my husband calmed her down a bit by swearing that i have never and would never

do what she is accusing me off. i don't believe that there are pills missing, i

think she has conveniently forgotten how many she has given my dad before

deciding that certain meds didn't agree with him. i don't know where this

suspicion came from or what i've done to make her believe that i would do such a

thing.

for the last 3 years i've dedicated my life to her, whatever she wants or needs

whenever she so much as makes a peep. and to find out that all this time she

has believed that i am a drug addict who would steal from my dying father is

just too much. why should i go on? for what? our relationship will never be

the same. how can i forget what she has accused me of?

but i guess i'm just being a victim. as always.

i give up. why fight anymore? everyday is a struggle and all the fight has

just gone right out of me. i can't do this anymore.

i wish you all a pain free day. thank you for letting me vent. i am beyond

heartbroken.

chelsea