Hopefully we are more intelligent

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/14/00 7:39:15 PM Central Daylight Time,

sagefam@... writes:

<<

> Will the real dummy please stand up?

>

> 1. A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE...

>

> AT & T fired President Walter after nine months,

saying he

> lacked intellectual leadership. " He received a $26

million severance

> package.

>

> Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!

>

> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours

attempting to subdue

> a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.

After firing

> ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the

man was

> standing beside them, shouting " Please come out and

give yourself

> up " .

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

>

> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped

a motorist and

> forced him to drive to two different automated

teller machines. The

> kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his

own bank

> accounts.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 4. THE GETAWAY!

>

> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and

asked for all

> the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take

was too small,

> so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter

himself for

> three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 5. DID I SAY THAT???

>

> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery

suspect who

> just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When

detectives asked

> each man in the lineup to repeat the words, " Give me

all your

> money or I'll shoot, " the man shouted, " that's not

what I said! "

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

>

> A man spoke frantically into the phone, " My wife is

pregnant and

> her contractions are only two minutes apart! "

>

> " Is this her first child? " the doctor asked.

>

> " No! " the man shouted, " This is her husband! "

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!

>

> In Modesto, CA, King was arrested for

trying to

> hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.

King used a

> thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but

unfortunately, he failed to

> keep his hand in his pocket.

> (hellllllloooooooooo !)

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 8. THE GRAND FINALE

>

> This is a true story! Last summer, at Lake Isabella,

which is

> located in the high desert, an hour east of

Bakersfield, California,

> some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.

No matter how

> hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new

22-ft. Bayliner to

> perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it

was very sluggish

> in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power

was applied.

> After about an hour of trying to make it go, they

putted over to a

> nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell

them what was

> wrong. A thorough topside check revealed that

everything was in

> perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the

outdrive went up and

> down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

Finally, one of the

> marina guys jumped in the water to check the bottom

of the boat.

> He came up choking on water, he was laughing so

hard.

>

> REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....

>

> Under the boat, still strapped securely in place,

was the trailer. >>

******Amy******

married to my army man,

mommy to earth angel (June 97)

2 angel babies (June 98 and July 99)

Subject: Hopefully we are more intelligent

> Will the real dummy please stand up?

>

> 1. A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE...

>

> AT & T fired President Walter after nine months,

saying he

> lacked intellectual leadership. " He received a $26

million severance

> package.

>

> Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!

>

> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours

attempting to subdue

> a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.

After firing

> ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the

man was

> standing beside them, shouting " Please come out and

give yourself

> up " .

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

>

> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped

a motorist and

> forced him to drive to two different automated

teller machines. The

> kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his

own bank

> accounts.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 4. THE GETAWAY!

>

> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and

asked for all

> the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take

was too small,

> so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter

himself for

> three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 5. DID I SAY THAT???

>

> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery

suspect who

> just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When

detectives asked

> each man in the lineup to repeat the words, " Give me

all your

> money or I'll shoot, " the man shouted, " that's not

what I said! "

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

>

> A man spoke frantically into the phone, " My wife is

pregnant and

> her contractions are only two minutes apart! "

>

> " Is this her first child? " the doctor asked.

>

> " No! " the man shouted, " This is her husband! "

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!

>

> In Modesto, CA, King was arrested for

trying to

> hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.

King used a

> thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but

unfortunately, he failed to

> keep his hand in his pocket.

> (hellllllloooooooooo !)

>

>

>

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 8. THE GRAND FINALE

>

> This is a true story! Last summer, at Lake Isabella,

which is

> located in the high desert, an hour east of

Bakersfield, California,

> some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.

No matter how

> hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new

22-ft. Bayliner to

> perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it

was very sluggish

> in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power

was applied.

> After about an hour of trying to make it go, they

putted over to a

> nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell

them what was

> wrong. A thorough topside check revealed that

everything was in

> perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the

outdrive went up and

> down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

Finally, one of the

> marina guys jumped in the water to check the bottom

of the boat.

> He came up choking on water, he was laughing so

hard.

>

> REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....

>

> Under the boat, still strapped securely in place,

was the trailer.

=====

..Army wife...

married to ..my studly tanker

mother to (8)BP & ADHD,

Kristi(6)BP & OCD,Dakoda(17mos) &

Gavin(4mos) and 1 cat TC...

IM:sagefam6

ICQ#9097274 & MSM:armytoy@...

__________________________________________________