Re: Alice in Wonderland

June 9, 2010

> > In a message dated 6/4/2010 8:04:50 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > coyotesun1@... writes:

> >

> > Sorry about this ; it makes me realize the profound effects of

> > this mental illness on people and their potentials in life to work

> > and live

> > how they want.

Boy, can I relate to the issues in this thread.

In 1980 my father died in a plane crash. Both families that lost dads sued the

plane company and we didn't end up with as much as the other family got (the

other dad was a doctor), but we ended up with a little bit. Guess it went

farther at the end of the 70's than it does today! Part of the settlement was

that my brother and I got a certain amount each year we turned 18, 19, 20, and

21.

I wrote elsewhere on here about how I came to choose my career. Basically, now

that I look back to everything I liked, did, and wanted in childhood...it was

all what nada did, liked, and wanted. If you felt/believed/liked/wanted/acted

every other way, there was a lot of pressure to be the way she wanted. When it

was finally time for me to choose a career, I couldn't even stay with my own bad

feelings about it long enough to realize *I* wouldn't enjoy it and *I* wouldn't

be happy. I was too worried about looking like a " weenie " and not being good

enough, and what family would say. I couldn't even come up with what it was I

would like or want, and it was time to go on to more school, so off I went. I

sometimes think it would have been much better for me if I had applied and not

gotten in.

In the meantime, the effed-up FOO spent every last dime we got from that

lawsuit. Although lip service was paid to " putting some away for (me), she'll

need it to pay for X school, " this wasn't actually done. Instead, a pile of

stuff was done to the house that didn't really *need* to be done, family members

came with their hands out for money to handle crises and never repaid the money,

and nada spent on clothes, Christmas gifts, a downpayment on a house that she

and my stepfather almost 30 years later are still underwater on, and on and on

and on. She gave me $10,000 to be later used for school expenses, and later

came to me asking for it back so SHE could pay debts!! This was about eight

years after she received the settlement.

Sad to say I gave it back to her. I didn't want to at ALL, but I reasoned that

if I did at least she'd know I loved her and didn't take advantage of her like

others in the family did. I guess you know how that part of it turned out.

Thank God she couldn't get her hands on the yearly payouts of $5000, because if

she had, I wouldn't have been able to pay for college at all. I'm sure she

would have frittered those away, too. When it came time to pay for more school,

there were no grants available, and scholarship money was a pittance compared to

what it cost. I had to borrow, and that same FOO that frittered away all the

money that was supposed to be for the wife AND KIDS didn't want to cosign for

student loans. I couldn't get them without cosigners. Finally they cosigned,

and I began my miserable tenure in higher, higher education, destined for a

career I wouldn't do well in.

When I graduated, I expected things to go well. I didn't know the trouble I'd

be in. I didn't know I wouldn't be able to afford health insurance, would need

two major surgeries, and would get stuck with huge debt that would basically

leave me very poor in old age without some miracle straight from God. I

thought, sure I'd make enough money! Why not? So I...

Consolidated all my student loans with Sallie Mae at a ruinous 8.5%, so I could

proudly demonstrate to my family that I would take all the risk myself, and they

wouldn't be left liable for it anymore.

The sad news? Here in the past few years interest rates fell precipitously, and

I could have consolidated then and gotten a much, much better rate--like, 3%.

But I couldn't do it! I had already consolidated!

So, there's my tale of woe. Because of the miserable debt burden and limited

income, I am unable to save for old age. And old age is expensive these days.

Debt is bad.

--.

June 9, 2010

Hi ,

I'm sorry about your dad; I didn't realize he died in an airplane crash (you may

have mentioned it before but there are a lot of posts I might miss); and the

subsequent mismanagement of any funds gotten from the settlement.

It's true that for some people, they find their way to a happier better place in

spite of what their families were like or did to them.

Some people suffer for a long long time trying to sort out the abuse,

Others get addicted to drugs and just plain die or suicide.

I feel that for me, my life has had some great things and I feel luckier than

most,

the only things that have been super hard for me I think is finding a career and

that is

related (but not totally controlled by) my ADD; and in the past bunch of years

my divorce, losing friends (for whatever reason) and the deaths of my family

members. And those things just happen.

It's true that I am prone to being sad and afraid of being vulnerable. I'm sort

of a doormat

I guess. These things have affected me in more subtle ways.

I guess the worst effect of my mothers illness is the way my relationships have

been

affected; and I have to add my dad's behavior into that too!

But now I have to sort it out ....

~patricia

Re: Alice in Wonderland

> > In a message dated 6/4/2010 8:04:50 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > coyotesun1@... writes:

> >

> > Sorry about this ; it makes me realize the profound effects of

> > this mental illness on people and their potentials in life to work

> > and live

> > how they want.

Boy, can I relate to the issues in this thread.

In 1980 my father died in a plane crash. Both families that lost dads sued

the plane company and we didn't end up with as much as the other family got (the

other dad was a doctor), but we ended up with a little bit. Guess it went

farther at the end of the 70's than it does today! Part of the settlement was

that my brother and I got a certain amount each year we turned 18, 19, 20, and

21.

I wrote elsewhere on here about how I came to choose my career. Basically,

now that I look back to everything I liked, did, and wanted in childhood...it

was all what nada did, liked, and wanted. If you

felt/believed/liked/wanted/acted every other way, there was a lot of pressure to

be the way she wanted. When it was finally time for me to choose a career, I

couldn't even stay with my own bad feelings about it long enough to realize *I*

wouldn't enjoy it and *I* wouldn't be happy. I was too worried about looking

like a " weenie " and not being good enough, and what family would say. I

couldn't even come up with what it was I would like or want, and it was time to

go on to more school, so off I went. I sometimes think it would have been much

better for me if I had applied and not gotten in.