Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT NADA

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/26/2010 12:57:36 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

climberkayak@... writes:

Congratulations about moving out of your apartment! I once lived in a

moldy apartment and it really did a number on my well-being. Some types of mold

give off toxins that can affect that mind and body so I'm glad for you

that you are getting out of there.

I second that - after moving out of a condo I was able to completely stop

inhaled steroids for adult onset asthma. Later we learned that a number of

the apartments in the building were completely overrun with mold - in the

walls, ceilings, etc.. DH and I figure that hidden mold was screwing up my

lungs.

E

[Guest guest]

Congratulations about moving out of your apartment! I once lived in a moldy

apartment and it really did a number on my well-being. Some types of mold give

off toxins that can affect that mind and body so I'm glad for you that you are

getting out of there.

About your nada, I'm copying a strategy that I think belongs to ...it goes

in the form of " you accept what I'm giving OR this outcome you don't want will

occur " . You could say to your nada well here's what I'm able to do and detail

what you've done and say that's it. Tell her if she needs more than that then

maybe it's time to talk about getting a local social worker to help her manage

her affairs. And really based on what you've shared about your nada's

condition getting a social worker involved as a buffer might not be a bad idea

anyway.

>

> I am FINALLY moving out of this mold infested, fire trap of a dumpy apartment

to a much nicer place. I have yellow, green and black mold all over since the

flood caused by my then 3rd floor neighbor who was 18 and decided to flood out

his mother for 'leaving him' and taking off for the winter with an on the road

trucker she met online and my attempts to get that remedied have been futile

(even though I went all the way to the Attorney General as The Board of Health

and Code Enforcers wouldn't help me). At the time with the exposed beams from

the missing ceiling tiles the Code Enforcer told me that we had electrical

violations but did nothing about it. He SAID he'd send the electrical expert

here but they never did. Since then this January we had a fire in that same

kid's apartment who caused the flood (no he was never thrown out but is now

evicted because the apartment was deemed 'uninhabitable' so management changed

the locks. It was deemed an electrical fire caused by faulty wiring by the Fire

Department. No one has been to this apartment to work on my wiring or anyone

else's that I know of. As a result, I am still cleaning mold off everything I

am taking with me to my new apartment which is clean, mold free and has no

problems that I can see.

>

> Now nada complains of 'cold and the flu together' yet she doesn't cough and

her voice sounds the same! She did fall while attempting to stand on the bed

and change her curtains. I told her she should wait for someone to do it for

her but no. She is out of pain killers for a week already she told me (they

have her on an opium based, addictive pain killer called Hydrocodone which she

has been on for MONTHS now) and she overmedicates herself and is out of the

pills (I was there and I saw that in February) by mid-month! Upon reading it

online they say that no one should be on that for more than two motnhs and my

nada has been on it for almost a year now!

>

> She has a gutter pipe under her front porch that is missing since she had the

front porch replaced last summer and all of a sudden now it is an emergency and

she of course INSISTS that I get someone for her (I live several states away

and of course I don't know anyone). At first she said it was a 'plumbing

problem' so I got one of my closest friend's (and only remaining friend down

there since everyone else I know has moved out of N. J.'s) plumber but he

wouldn't do it as he was 1/2 hour away and he referred his friend. The man is

from Holland and has an accent. My nada asked him 'who the hell called YOU?!'

when he got there. Nada hates anyone who isn't American and any man now is

suspect anyway to her. He replied 'your daughter did. Call her and ask her.'

Nada did and I replied of course I'm the one who sent him as she asked me to.

He of course not wanting to deal with nada after that, said he didn't do that

kind of work - sorry and left. I later discovered it was a handyman job and not

a plumbing job when I called the Water Dept. on nada's insistence only to find

out that the only thing wrong was a pipe under the front porch needed to be

reconnected! It is shooting water onto her sidewalk and nada hates that. She

doesn't have city water but they went out there as a favor to me as the woman on

the phone has an elderly mother and is going through the same problem I am with

a mother several states away. Anyway I since found someone else after

considerable looking around who is a handyman on the side as a part time job who

is a friend of my remaining friend's brother but of course he hasn't gone to see

nada yet so I am screamed at about it. Nada said, " you can help ME! You have

nothing better to do! " I am moving singlehandedly from here and she knows that.

She knows that unless I want to pay another month's rent I have to be out on May

1st. I told her I had a lot to do and to make matters worse most of my

furniture won't fit in there from here so I have to replace it with smaller

pieces, but anyway. I have been working sometimes up to 22 hour days for the

last week and nada is getting on my last nerve. She insists this move is 'no

big deal'. Of course cleaning everything so there is no mold on anything I take

over there is a job by itself. My ex-boyfriend stepped up to the plate to help

move new pieces I find second hand in and is going to take down my stained glass

lamps in the ceiling this week as well as move the heavier boxes for me - I got

a mover (an out of work man with children) to move the furniture I AM taking) -

doing trips to Goodwill and doing everything else that needs to be done. Nada

said I sounded tired. I replied I am exhausted. I should have known better

because her reply was 'POOR baby! I feel sorry for you' sarcastically. Then

she went on to say I should have stayed with my ex-husband who was abusive,

controlling and vicious (not the guy helping me) because 'he was a REAL man and

knew how to keep you in line. Men all abuse and women should just accept that.

When you marry, you are THEIR property and in your case someone needs to whip

you in shape since you won't listen to ME'. Yes nada knows about the flood and

the fire upstairs. Nada's reply to them at the time was 'who cares. I've been

through worse.' The only thing sensible that nada said was 'I hope you got a

mover to move the furniture. I don't want YOU trying that.' She also had

insisted that I give my father's antique dining room set away because she is

jealous of my having it. She also doesn't want me to have anything left that

was my father's as she divorced him after running around with her boss when I

was a teenager.

>

> As an aside, nada told me she does NOT want a handyman but that's what she

needs to do that job. She wants a plumber but it's not a plumbing job. What

should I do? I can't do more than I have done. This is making me nuts.

>

[Guest guest]

You are right about the hydrocodone. My nada was addicted to it and on

it continously for over 2 years, till her death. She would not give her

Dr permission to talk to me, and I couldnt get to talk to him as a

consequence, but she got on it for a " fall " , then it was her knees,

her back, her uterus, her flibitis, always something. It is easier for

a DR to keep an older pt medicated and off their back.

If you are truly asking for advice on what to do, I ll venture to give

it.

Ready? Dont miss it.

Nothing.

It is not your problem. Nada s problem, quite obviously, from reading

your account, is NOT getting work done on her house, but controlling and

FOG ing you. She is and adult human being, and quite capable of hiring

a handy man to fix a pipe. She wants you to do it, her way, her time,

your money, your effort. She doenst want a handyman but a plumber. She

doenst want a plumber with an accent. She wants you to fix it, but she

doesnt want you to fix it in any way that you feel is logical to fix it.

So, here once again, by popular demand, is the Doug ' s Free from the

FOG method for dealing with nada s impossible problems..

take notes

Now nada complains of 'cold and the flu together'

Gee , mom, I m sorry to hear you re sick. Let me know what the Dr says.

And when she replies, if you really loved me you d come here and wait on

me hand and foot and bring me a bedpan, you respond

Gee , mom, I m sorry to hear your sick. Let me know what the Dr says.

You dont get to decide what I have to do to prove my love. I ll do what

I feel is reasonable and how you deal with it is up to you.

Pain killers............nada is addicted. Unless you are prepared to do

an intervention, you can express your concern, ask her to give her Dr

permission to discuss her treatment with you, and express your concern

to the Dr. Otherwise, she is a grown woman who will do whatever she

chooses to do, and will likely be on opiates the rest of her life. It

may be shortened by that fact. And , sorry, I know this sucks, but

there is not a damn thing you can do about it. So, let it be her

problem.

And if she calls you to take her to the ER or Dr to get pain meds,

Gee mom, I m sorry you feel bad. But as I told you, I think you have a

problem with the pain pills, and since you wont let me discuss that with

your Dr, it has to remain your problem.

sudden now it is an emergency and she of course INSISTS that I get

someone for her ............ so I am screamed at about it. Nada said,

" you can help ME! You have nothing better to do! " ...................As

an aside, nada told me she does NOT want a handyman but that's what she

needs to do that job. She wants a plumber but it's not a plumbing job.

Mom, I tried to help you the best way I knew how, and you were not

satisfied with that. I do have my own life and problems to deal with,

and I m not going to do anything else about this. You will have to deal

with it the best way you can. And I will not have you screaming at me

and berating my life. If you do that again, I ll stop taking your phone

calls.

said I sounded tired. I replied I am exhausted. I should have known

better because her reply was 'POOR baby! I feel sorry for you'

sarcastically. Then she went on to say I should have stayed with my

ex-husband who was abusive, controlling and vicious (not the guy helping

me) because 'he was a REAL man and knew how to keep you in line. Men all

abuse and women should just accept that. When you marry, you are THEIR

property and in your case someone needs to whip you in shape since you

won't listen to ME'.

Mom, no one, least of all a mother, should ever tell her daughter that

she should stay and be abused. If your best advice to me is to be with

a man who keeps me in line by abusing me, I dont feel any need to ever

heed your advice on anything. and Real men do not need ( this is coming

from a MAN ladies, ) to : " keep their wives in line " or beat them. We

learn to live with them, love them, and be gentle and tender with them.

Not something we ever learned from nada. But it works great.

I will never listen to such advice from you again mom. If you ever

suggest to me that is was or is alright for a man to abuse me , I ll

hang up and not talk to you.

At this point I had to delete expletives. You nada has managed to really

push my buttons. What a horrible and viscious human being your nada

is. What should you do? Cut contact with her and get on with your

life. Let her do whatever she wants to do to deal with her crap.

She is the worst abuser in your life. If I were you, I d go NC and let

her do what she has to. Change your phone number when you move and don t

give it to her.

Pardon my use of the vernacular, but what a BITCH! or in our case, I

guess she wuold be a witch.

Doug

>

> I am FINALLY moving out of this mold infested, fire trap of a dumpy

apartment to a much nicer place. I have yellow, green and black mold all

over since the flood caused by my then 3rd floor neighbor who was 18 and

decided to flood out his mother for 'leaving him' and taking off for the

winter with an on the road trucker she met online and my attempts to get

that remedied have been futile (even though I went all the way to the

Attorney General as The Board of Health and Code Enforcers wouldn't help

me). At the time with the exposed beams from the missing ceiling tiles

the Code Enforcer told me that we had electrical violations but did

nothing about it. He SAID he'd send the electrical expert here but they

never did. Since then this January we had a fire in that same kid's

apartment who caused the flood (no he was never thrown out but is now

evicted because the apartment was deemed 'uninhabitable' so management

changed the locks. It was deemed an electrical fire caused by faulty

wiring by the Fire Department. No one has been to this apartment to work

on my wiring or anyone else's that I know of. As a result, I am still

cleaning mold off everything I am taking with me to my new apartment

which is clean, mold free and has no problems that I can see.

>

> Now nada complains of 'cold and the flu together' yet she doesn't

cough and her voice sounds the same! She did fall while attempting to

stand on the bed and change her curtains. I told her she should wait for

someone to do it for her but no. She is out of pain killers for a week

already she told me (they have her on an opium based, addictive pain

killer called Hydrocodone which she has been on for MONTHS now) and she

overmedicates herself and is out of the pills (I was there and I saw

that in February) by mid-month! Upon reading it online they say that no

one should be on that for more than two motnhs and my nada has been on

it for almost a year now!

>

> She has a gutter pipe under her front porch that is missing since she

had the front porch replaced last summer and all of a sudden now it is

an emergency and she of course INSISTS that I get someone for her (I

live several states away and of course I don't know anyone). At first

she said it was a 'plumbing problem' so I got one of my closest friend's

(and only remaining friend down there since everyone else I know has

moved out of N. J.'s) plumber but he wouldn't do it as he was 1/2 hour

away and he referred his friend. The man is from Holland and has an

accent. My nada asked him 'who the hell called YOU?!' when he got there.

Nada hates anyone who isn't American and any man now is suspect anyway

to her. He replied 'your daughter did. Call her and ask her.' Nada did

and I replied of course I'm the one who sent him as she asked me to. He

of course not wanting to deal with nada after that, said he didn't do

that kind of work - sorry and left. I later discovered it was a handyman

job and not a plumbing job when I called the Water Dept. on nada's

insistence only to find out that the only thing wrong was a pipe under

the front porch needed to be reconnected! It is shooting water onto her

sidewalk and nada hates that. She doesn't have city water but they went

out there as a favor to me as the woman on the phone has an elderly

mother and is going through the same problem I am with a mother several

states away. Anyway I since found someone else after considerable

looking around who is a handyman on the side as a part time job who is a

friend of my remaining friend's brother but of course he hasn't gone to

see nada yet so I am screamed at about it. Nada said, " you can help ME!

You have nothing better to do! " I am moving singlehandedly from here and

she knows that. She knows that unless I want to pay another month's rent

I have to be out on May 1st. I told her I had a lot to do and to make

matters worse most of my furniture won't fit in there from here so I

have to replace it with smaller pieces, but anyway. I have been working

sometimes up to 22 hour days for the last week and nada is getting on my

last nerve. She insists this move is 'no big deal'. Of course cleaning

everything so there is no mold on anything I take over there is a job by

itself. My ex-boyfriend stepped up to the plate to help move new pieces

I find second hand in and is going to take down my stained glass lamps

in the ceiling this week as well as move the heavier boxes for me - I

got a mover (an out of work man with children) to move the furniture I

AM taking) - doing trips to Goodwill and doing everything else that

needs to be done. Nada said I sounded tired. I replied I am exhausted. I

should have known better because her reply was 'POOR baby! I feel sorry

for you' sarcastically. Then she went on to say I should have stayed

with my ex-husband who was abusive, controlling and vicious (not the guy

helping me) because 'he was a REAL man and knew how to keep you in line.

Men all abuse and women should just accept that. When you marry, you are

THEIR property and in your case someone needs to whip you in shape since

you won't listen to ME'. Yes nada knows about the flood and the fire

upstairs. Nada's reply to them at the time was 'who cares. I've been

through worse.' The only thing sensible that nada said was 'I hope you

got a mover to move the furniture. I don't want YOU trying that.' She

also had insisted that I give my father's antique dining room set away

because she is jealous of my having it. She also doesn't want me to have

anything left that was my father's as she divorced him after running

around with her boss when I was a teenager.

>

> As an aside, nada told me she does NOT want a handyman but that's what

she needs to do that job. She wants a plumber but it's not a plumbing

job. What should I do? I can't do more than I have done. This is making

me nuts.

>