Mother's Day gloom

[Guest guest]

Every Mother's Day makes me sad and angry at the same time. Partially because I

never really had a mother (and right before mother's day or any holiday my nada

would start an arguement and I would end up at the movies alone often on

mother's day) and other part is that I am not a mother yet.

I was talking to a friend about the last rage nada had towards me and described

it in detail. As I looked at the horror on her face, I finally said " Next to the

day my husband's dad died, that was the worst day of my life...because that was

the day my mom died. "

So I am trying to reverse the meaning and try to think of the positive " mother "

influences that I have had in my life. My therapist has noted that several

people have come into my life to take the place of my absent mother figure. So I

would like to celebrate them in this post:

1-my grandma (fada's mom)-My fada is from New Mexico (I am in California). When

she found out that my nada was pregnant, she dropped and sold everything she

owned and moved to be close to me. I am so grateful for her because she was the

true example of a mother. She was awesome, loving, compassionate, tough, smart,

and hated my nada. As a child, I never knew why, but I always " sensed " a little

dischord. Now I know why

2- my godmother- She was always showering me with gifts and would always take me

shopping for Christmas and before the school year started. She always told me

that I could do anything I wanted. I was so lucky.

Anyone else? Trying to make some lemonade out of lemons...

AJ