Re: Use a weelchair, sometimes

[Guest guest]

Pegi,

Unfortunately, what you have described seems to be a very common problem. My

mother had both legs amputated and spent over a decade in a wheelchair. She

used to get so frustrated looking at everyone's crotches while they spoke over

her head. She used to make rude jokes about how best to get their attention.

Sometimes in their presence, " Your fly is unzipped, guess how I know that?

Because I am down here! " I do not recommend that type of behavior, but it was

funny as all get out. Saw doctors actually blush they were so embarrassed.

Here are the things we the helpers did to make sure they were talking to her and

not us.

1. Silence is golden. If we would not talk, then the doctors would have to talk

to her. We were masters of silence. Oh, and I can glare pretty well.

2. We would position ourselves so that the doctor could not be facing her and

making eye contact with us. Stand behind the doctor. Makes them nervous.

Also, if you stand at the door then they cannot make a quick escape until they

have actually answered questions. We learned this trick during one of her

particularly bad hospital stays.

3. We would look at the floor, the wall, a book, anything but make eye contact

with the doctor or nurse. Have your helper take notes, or pretend to take

notes. Thus forcing doctors to actually make eye contact with the patient.

4. If doctor would not take any of those subtle hints, then whenever eye contact

with us was made, we would just point at her. Redirecting their attention.

5. We would get at the same level or lower. Cannot count the number of times we

would just sit ourselves on the floor. If she was the highest thing with whom

they could make eye contact, then they would.

6. Once it got to routine things, instead of vastly complicated issues, we would

wait outside the room. No sense having us in there to find out that nothing had

changed.

What she would do:

1. Ask them to sit down. She found equalizing head height made a huge

difference.

2. Remind them that she was the patient (or customer or whatever). She would do

it directly and, given her personality, aggressively: " Excuse me. Do you

understand that I am your patient, not her/him/them? Me. The one down here.

The one that will be paying your bills. Or filing a complaint. Me. Sit down

on something and look directly at me. Or I leave. "

3. She made sure she always spoke. Loudly to get their attention, softly to

keep it.

I am sure many others will be able to give you better suggestions. I can only

tell you how we handled it. Many times, inappropriately. We probably should

have behaved more civilly, but we sure did not always feel civil.

> Pegi wrote:

> How do you get 'PEOPLE', not to see the chair

[Guest guest]

Pegi,

    

I used the wheelchair for long distance walking.  I had 3 surgeries on my right

ankle.  I have been using it on and off for several years now.  My case

manager and Dr. want me to get rid of it. I explain I do not know how many times

I am not stable on my feet and feel like I am going to fall.

   

After several times telling the doctor I got to keep the rental wheelchair.

Thank God!

Now to let people to know you are in the room too. You can say " hey, you know

I am in the room and not on invisible " , or " excuse me am I invisible? "  or  " no

one notices I am here " (that you can say out loud).

     

My Mom hates it when I have to use the wheelchair. I do not care. This is me

not her and I have to for a reason. Like long distance, I cannot stand up that

long, and doing laundries which is four apartments down.   Maybe this will be

helpful I hope.

                                        \

                            loveyouhun

   

> Pegi wrote:

> I am in a wheelchair, still I can see, hear, as well or better then my

'helper'. GRRR! Even doctors will talk as I wasn't there.

[Guest guest]

Pegi boy am I glad you noticed that too! I feel like no longer am a person. Hate

it! Like I have a brain & can talk why am I invisible or worse yet so useless

and stupid. I no longer can talk?! Sheeesh. Odd when I was using a walker

people paid MORE attention to me but now (been just over a year) in a wheelchair

they act like I am not there. I do not get it either girl.

Does anyone know a kneecap specialist?? I cannot find knee surgeon to tackle my

mal-aligned kneecaps. They are all way on outside of my leg-locked there so my

feet turn outwards and I can no longer walk since my legs do not line up top to

bottom. Was told patella specialist Dr. Fulton but he in Connecticut and I m in

Florida. Been looking since hit wheelchair status cannot find one. Help?

Thanks guys, Chris

> Pegi wrote:

> Do you find that everyone, or anyone, seem to talk to who ever, is your

'helper'. Like your not even there?

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> 5. We would get at the same level or lower. Cannot count the number of times

we would just sit ourselves on the floor. If she was the highest thing with

whom they could make eye contact, then they would.

I would have like to see that. <grin> Your Mum was such a trip. It

didn't matter how rotten the day was going for either of us, between the

two of us, we always found something funny.

Having been in a wheelchair, more than once in my life, I know the

annoyance of having someone talk over me head. My sons are 6'4 " and

6'5 " . When one of them was pushing my chair, we just about had to grab

hold of the doctor's, neighbours, acquaintance's heads to make them stop

acting like I gone deaf and stupid. Thankfully, my friends didn't do that.

I never tried the " fly is undone " line. That's a good one.

When I broke my leg and mashed up my foot and you were my wheelchair

driver, we never ran into that problem, did we? I think when a person

has a cast on, people are relieved, because they can pretty much guess

what the problem is. Plus, they know it's going to get better and isn't

" contagious. "

Lyndi