Guest guest Posted June 5, 2010 Report Share Posted June 5, 2010 So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2010 Report Share Posted June 5, 2010 Personally, because you or anyone else can't be in their home with them, I would work to hold workshops or classes on healthy emotional behavior at church. Give the kids the tools to know what healthy looks like and what to do if they encounter unhealthy. This way, you can educate other children too. You can role play situations, etc. All the kids will encounter unhealthy people during their lives. I think giving kids the tools to deal with whatever barriers they have or run across is the best way. Maybe a class for healthy parenting would be good too. You can still be there for the kids and just chating with them can let them know you are someone who cares. If you see more concrete emotional abuse, then you might have grounds to take it further. > > So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. > > There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? > > KT > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 5, 2010 Report Share Posted June 5, 2010 Wow, this is a tough one and I have thought of this at different points in my life. Maybe talking to your pastor is a good idea (if he is approachable) Do the kids do any kid groups at the church where you could be a volunteer and sort of connect with them? I used to volunteer when my son was in elementary school. That way I could see what was going on (with him) and see who the other kids were. There was one little girl who's both parents were in Iraq and she was staying with her grandma. I befriended her and she came to our house to play a few times. She even made me a little bracelet (she called me Kitty for some reason) with : Kity on it. I know it made a big difference for her because she was in a hard situation (she was from the south in a new classroom in the north). If I were then around such kids I would befriend them and then eventually say something like: Oh, I saw your mom crying, that must feel funny? no? See what they say. Not sure though if you have no way to be in contact, ~patricia Crazy With Children So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? KT ------------------------------------ Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 Thank you very much for your input. I think those are good suggestions. I had planned to visit with my priest about her today anyway, but she decided to help me out by freaking out and crying hysterically through most of the service this morning. She claimed to be upset because her older son is so rude to her and doesn't want to be with her anymore. He's in 3rd grade. She also had contorted her hand and claimed to be in unbearable pain. This injury supposedly occurred when she was swatting a fly. I asked our priest to come and visit with her. The priest asked one of the doctors in the parish to look at her hand. She wouldn't even let him touch it, she was screaming that it hurt so bad. He told her, " I guess if you won't let me examine it, I can't tell you it isn't broken. You might try visiting the ER. " She is truly, truly nuts. Maybe if she goes to the hospital and acts like that she could be lucky enough to get a psych consult. I was lucky enough to be able to visit with the older child for just a couple of minutes today while his parents were somewhere else. I told him I noticed his mom was crying. He said she gets upset a lot. I told him my mom cries a lot too, and that when I was little, I used to think it was my fault. I got to tell him that no matter what she says--even if he has done somehting maybe he shouldn't have--it's not his fault when his mom cries. He seemed apppreciative. Someday maybe I will get to talk to the younger one. I hope it will make a difference for him. I wish someone could have done that for me. Anyway, thank you again for your thoughts and ideas. KT > > Wow, this is a tough one and I have thought of this at different points in > my life. Maybe talking to your pastor is a good idea (if he is approachable) > Do the kids do any kid groups at the church where you could be a volunteer and > sort of connect with them? I used to volunteer when my son was in elementary > school. That way I could see what was going on (with him) and see who the other > kids were. There was one little girl who's both parents were in Iraq and she was > staying with her grandma. I befriended her and she came to our house to play > a few times. She even made me a little bracelet (she called me Kitty for some reason) > with : Kity on it. I know it made a big difference for her because she was in a hard > situation (she was from the south in a new classroom in the north). > If I were then around such kids I would befriend them and then eventually say something > like: Oh, I saw your mom crying, that must feel funny? no? See what they say. > Not sure though if you have no way to be in contact, > ~patricia > Crazy With Children > > > So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. > > There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? > > KT > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 Hi KT, First...that is awesome! Good for you getting in there and finding a way to make a connection. I really hope that you get more chances and that others will follow your lead. Secondly...OMG! That is so messed up to act like that; she definitely has a problem that must be horrible for her kids. It's good others got to see it. It's a long road for those kids, which is sad, but again, if the community reaches out to them it will be a little better. Again, That is great what you did~! ~patricia Crazy With Children > > > So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. > > There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? > > KT > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 > I had planned to visit with my priest about her today anyway, but she decided to help me out by freaking out and crying hysterically through most of the service this morning. Thank you so much for caring enough about this child to do this. Who knows what difference you might have made. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 I agree. I think you did the right things, and you never now how much of an impact your kindness has had. When I was about 12 yrs old my mother was having a full-blown histrionic attack at a 7-11. She was berating me for some damn thing, causing an unnecessary scene, and I was standing there crying. The man behind the counter reached over, touched my hand and said " It won't always be this bad. " It was such a simple phrase, but it meant the world to me. I am now 40 years old, and have never forgotten it. K > > > > I had planned to visit with my priest about her today anyway, but she > decided to help me out by freaking out and crying hysterically through most > of the service this morning. > > Thank you so much for caring enough about this child to do this. Who knows > what difference you might have made. > > --. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2010 Report Share Posted June 7, 2010 this is important as you know for these kids .. i would consider talking to the pastor, some of them are very helpful and understanding and it would be confidential .. and praying about it, that a way might open up for you to see how to approach this situation..  i believe your eyes may be opened and a way made clear for you in time; i believe that prayer can be a very powerful thing and that this is God's work that you are attempting to do.. i think you will be led in time.best wishes. ann Subject: Crazy With Children To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Saturday, June 5, 2010, 10:08 AM  So, this is a tried-and-true topic on this board: What to Do When Someone You Know Seems Unstable and has Children. There's a family at my church that I have known for several years now. The mom is emotionally wacky and seems completely scattered most of the time. She has two elementary-aged kids that, as a KO, I have some concern for. I have never witnessed anything that warrants a call to CPS or anything like that...It just seems like she is constantly bursting into tears or freaking out about something. A lot of her behaviors remind me of my mother. I would like to find some way to just gently say to these kids, " You know, when your mom cries, it's not your fault, " or, " You can call or come over if you need to talk about anything. " (What would it have been like if someone had done that for me!) But there is never a time when I see these kids without their mom, and they're not old enough for me to just call up on my own. I have considered discussing my concerns with our pastor. What do you do when you see situations like this? What if there is no third party you can talk to: How do you make yourself available to support young children when there really doesn't seem to be an appropriate way to do so? KT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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