Anxiety with others

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

Since learning of BPD and setting boundries with Nada, I have realised how much

in my other areas of life that I have not set boundries.

Since I have become more assertive and set on speaking up for myself I have

noticed that I suffer so much anxiety before I speak about something to someone

that I am not happy about. Before I use to feel this rage inside of me and not

speak up. I would let it brew than explode later. I have been trying to not do

that anymore and speak up before it gets to that stage. Now I feel anxiety

before I do confront someone with things that are just minor.

Example...The other day a staff member had been burning candles in the shop.

I felt strongly about her not doing it, but suffered so much on how to bring it

up or whether to just let it go. I did let her know on our communication board.

I find writing things easier than speaking directly. Even the I reword it a

couple of times to sound right. lol

Whenever I go to discuss something that I am not happy about I am so nervous. I

know I am waiting for their reactions and that is quiet normal after growing up

with Nada. I have noticed it is females I have the trouble with. When I do

discuss issues and say how it is for me I do feel good about it after but I am

not enjoying the anxiety and beating up before hand. I have even had to write

things down before I say them and reherse what I want to discuss.

I am the boss but it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I am always trying to keep

the girls happy and keep the peace. When I have spoken up to a couple of staff

members on matters they have walked out. I did it in a nice way too. They were

girls that did have issues though and the business hasn't missed them. It is

just the girls I have now are excellent and I don't want to loose them so I am

walking on egg shells with them now letting them walk all over me at times.

I know these are fleas but just wondering if anyone has worked through these

issues in their personal life and got any hints.

I know it is baby steps and a new way of relating that we have to learn after

learning of BPD and the damage done.

Kazam x